Gut Rumbles

January 15, 2005

a clarification

I stick with my original post--- Texas is NOT a Southern state. But let's get something else straight, too. If I had to live somewhere else in the USA, I'd probably pick Texas, for a lot of good reasons.

1) Texas has some of the prettiest wimmen I've ever seen and they are EVERYWHERE.

2) Texans are friendly people. I have had strangers do me favors there just to be nice.

3) The food is wonderful. All of it. Huevos Rancheros, chicken-fried whatever, Tex-Mex, beef on a mesquite fire, chili that'll cause spontainious combustion and beans that'll cause YOU to backfire. Damn, that's good!

4) Guns. As it is in Georgia and SHOULD be everywhere, in Texas you're considered strange if you don't own at least one gun and enjoy shooting. Texas probably has the most heavily-armed fleet of pickup trucks in the country. I like that.

5) Texas was settled by disgruntled Southerners who were pissed off at the federal government LONG before it became the intrusive monster it is today. I like THAT, too.

6) Texas won its independence by fighting Mexico, the Comanches, the Apaches, the banditos and the Comancheros, and they whipped them all. The Texas Rangers also introduced the Walker Colt pistol to the frontier, much to the regret of many of their enemies.

7) Did I mention the pretty wimmen already? So what! I'm going to do it again.

8) An old joke says, "What do you get if you kick the shit out of a Texan?" The answer is, "An empty pair of cowboy boots." I still don't like those goddam roach-kicker boots.

9) No one in Texas has EVER been rude to me. Oh, they've been OBNOXIOUS, such as saying, "You're from Georgia? Hell, if I had one brother in hell in another one in Georgia, I'd rescue the one in Georgia first. BWHAHAHAAA!!!" Then, the sumbitch buys you a beer and asks about deer hunting and pussy where you come from. That's Texas. Big mouths are common, but rudeness is not.

10) It ain't Southern, but it's the next best thing.


Yep! that's the Texas **I** know!

And Texas is civilized, too. Enough Cajuns moved over there to where you can even find decent Cajun food if you look real hard...

Posted by: mostly cajun on January 15, 2005 11:19 AM

Hell, you don't even have to look very hard to find a Cajun over here. We have crawfish boils and cochon de lait's all the way up into Llano County. Rob, that invitation is still open. Come on out. The Guadalupe River is plum full off them pretty wimmen and the beer is cold.

Posted by: Dash on January 15, 2005 11:58 AM

Texas was settled by Clinch Mountain Tennessee boys. Ol' Davy might have got his'seff kilt at thuh Alamo, but Sam opened a can uv whup-ass on them Messicans at San Jacinto.

Texas is just Far-west Tennessee.

'Nuff said...

Posted by: Wayne on January 15, 2005 02:13 PM

Ah now kinduh understaynd whut chur tawkin bout. Yore vurchully saying: "Smahl and thuh warld smahls with yew."
Summtoms yew dudunt have very good mahtearyul, but yew stll tawk funny.

Posted by: John on January 15, 2005 04:55 PM

Remember your own daughter lives in Texas too! That right there should be enough to make you like the state!!!

Posted by: Sam on January 15, 2005 06:19 PM

I think John Bell hood and the 5th Texas regiment would disagree with you about their southernness. The 5th fought with the Army of Northern Virginia from the Second battle of Bull Run to Appomattox court house. When they destroyed their guns, rather than give them to the damnyankees, there were only 473 men left in the regiment.

I once offered to whup the ass of a 6th grader (I was in 4th) who told me I wasn't a southerner.

Posted by: Dennis P. on January 15, 2005 07:51 PM

Don't forget that Kim du Toit lives in Texas. You were invited to his birthday party but chose to go to Costa Rica instead and get laid. I would have driven your sorry ass to Plano and back. Maybe next year.

Posted by: Denny on January 15, 2005 10:10 PM

RE: Kim du Toit...
Cheer up, Rob, you may have missed the party, but there is plenty of time to contribute to his latest begathon. Seems the Clan du Toit is once again facing starvation. Parties, roasts of prime rib, European vacations...I guess they do eat (no pun intended) at one's resources.

I know this is heresy, and I'll probably be banned from commenting here, but I am as conservative and gun-loving a bastard you will ever run across, and I can't abide Mr. du Toit. He is a bloated, boring, boorish Boer, and his much vaunted knowledge of guns amounts to jack-shit. Most of us old-timers have forgotten more than he knows.

A know-nothing, overbearing blowhard.

Now...flame away

Posted by: Wayne on January 16, 2005 10:28 AM

Damn, Wayne??? What's to flame about?

Go piss on Kim's campfire.

Posted by: Acidman on January 16, 2005 10:56 PM

I'll agree with you that Texas is not a Southern state. But as you point out, we do have our good points nonetheless.

And I still don't own any boots.

Posted by: Evilwhiteguy on January 18, 2005 04:11 PM
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