Gut Rumbles

January 13, 2005

save the chickens!

I once raised chickens--- modestly, because about 36 were the most I ever had at one time--- and I learned a lot about those birds. First of all, they are nasty. They fuck and fight constantly and a lot of hens end up running around the coop with bald-headed asses from where the other hens pecked out all the feathers.

I've never seen ANYTHING that a chicken wouldn't eat, including each other and their own shit. If one of my chickens died in the coop, I usually found HALF a bird-corpse the next day, with the other half consumed by hungry coop-mates.

Some roosters are aggressive, ill-tempered, blood-thirsty sadists. I executed two of mine for attacking my son and spurring him until he bled when he was putting out feed one day. Those roosters cornered my boy in the coop and started tearing him up until I introduced them to Mr. Ruger Pistol, the .22 "peacemaker" among violent chickens. Those two threw their last spur in anger that day.

Chickens are disgusting birds. They ain't real smart, either.

But I don't advocate chicken torture, because that kind of behavior is as bad as what a chicken does every day. Yeah, chickens are just a small step above buzzards in the yech-factor of bird world, but I don't believe in meanness for the sake of meanness. I think we should slaughter them with mercy in our hearts.

But I can't generate a whole lot of sympathy for a squawking, crowing, stinking, shit-eating critter that can live without a head, just like a cockroach. THAT shows you how much a chicken actually THINKS.

Kill 'em, eat 'em and steal their eggs. That's all a chicken is good for.


You're correct. Chickens are a mess to keep. But I did love those fresh eggs.

Posted by: Steve on January 13, 2005 08:48 AM

Ugh - I hate chickens. They creep me out. But, they sure are tasty.

Posted by: Kate on January 13, 2005 09:10 AM

Anyone who doubts critters were put on this earth for us to eat, needs to try and think of any other reason for the chicken.

Besides, if we're not supposed to eat animals, (all together now) why are they made out of meat?

Posted by: McGehee on January 13, 2005 10:12 AM

I'm a proud carnivore for this reason: Cows fart out methane, which harms the atmosphere. Plants produce oxygen which help it. Hmm, what should we eat?

Vegetarians are destroying Gaia!!!!

I wasn't aware chickens were such...base creatures. Glad you put the hit on those two roosters though... obviously too dumb to realize the "don't bite the hand that feeds you" scheme works well for continued existance.

Posted by: Cythen on January 13, 2005 10:59 AM

One of David Drake's characters once commented that chickens were nasty, bad-tempered, and the best thing about them was the way they taste fried.

Posted by: Mark on January 13, 2005 11:04 AM

Chickens are pretty disgusting, but that definitely doesn't excuse torture on any level. Sentient creatures, even ones you plan on eating (or maybe especially ones you plan on eating), deserve more respect and better treatment than that.

Besides, if an animal is scared or stressed right before it dies, it makes the meat taste bad.

Posted by: Samira on January 13, 2005 12:17 PM

I've raised chickens also and agree with everything here.

Turkeys are worse though...even when you give them the doped-up feed. I was raised a city girl until I was 15...then became a country girl under protest. I hated the thought of slaughtering animals and then eating them...until I spent my first season raising turkeys. I was quite happy to see those bastards die.

Posted by: Chablis on January 13, 2005 05:29 PM

Question: Are chickens animal, or vegitable?
Answer: Neither, they are mineral, cause even vegies got more thinking power.

Posted by: Mythilt on January 13, 2005 11:32 PM

Rob, I can one-up you here. I've probably slung more chickens than you've ever SEEN in your life.

As a youngster in high school our wrestling team was run by a pretty good fellow that taught us well. When we needed to raise money we didn't go around selling candy bars or subs or some other piece of over priced crap, we WORKED.

He got us a gig every 2-3 years at a local chicken farm that was worth thousands of dollars in labor. The job was too disgusting for illegal Mexican workers it seems, so we got it.

One barn, 130 yards long, 110,000 chickens to move. Nope, there's no typo there at all. In the summer time too. Do you know what chicken shit smells like baking in the heat? Yeah, you probably do: ammonia. Do you know what chicken shit from 110,000 birds smells like? It ain't pretty!

The birds were all in wire cages, stacked four high, 6 birds per 2'x3' cage. Nothing was in place to keep droppings from the birds at the top of the stack off the guys on the bottom. You know what a chicken looks like after being shit on for 3 years by the 18 birds above it? Not good! He's a might bit angry about the situation too.

Our job was to get them things out of their cages and put them in carts -- 11 birds per 'section' of the cart which was probably 1'x1'x3.5' deep. A tight fit, to say the least.

I'm no PETA member but somebody hitting a dog in an abusive manner gets me angry. I tried, I really did, to treat them chickens good. That lasted all of a day. Once can only get pecked at and have liquid shit sprayed into their face so many times before they lose it. I knocked a bunch of them fucker out cold when they'd get rowdy. Reach into cage, pull bird out of hole, SMACK his head into the wall behind me (that'll shut him up!) and shove it into the cart. I didn't do it ALL the time, just when they got all feisty.

Figure 20 guys working, 110,000 birds. I've probably had my hands on 22,000 birds. You see, we pulled 110,000 of them, and put them right back the next week with fresh critters. Then I did it AGAIN a few years later.

I hate chickens.

Posted by: Justin Buist on January 13, 2005 11:54 PM

chickens should be treated humanely like any other animal such as cats or dogs.

Posted by: kittendestroyer on January 21, 2007 01:43 AM
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