Gut Rumbles
 

December 23, 2004

time of the season?

Eric is having sick dreams. I would let out a big, fat "BWHAHAHAHAA!!!" and tell him to lay off the scotch, except for one small problem.

I had a sick dream myself last night.

I dreamed that I woke up in the middle of the night with an overpowering urge to go brush my teeth. I didn't need to piss or anything you might EXPECT to get up in the middle of the night to do. I just HAD to brush my teeth. So, I went to do exactly that.

I crawled out of bed, staggered to the bathroom, turned on the light, looked in the mirror.... and I almost screamed. I WAS FUCKING BALD!!! That's right, ladies and gentlepersons--- my pate was as bare as a baby's ass except for about a two-hair comb-over that looked worse than that coon-skin-cap Sam Nunn once sported in the Senate. If I wore dentures, they would have hit the floor right then.

I looked at my bald head in amazement. Where did my gray silver hair go? I KNEW that I had hair when I went to bed. How did I lose it ALL in less than a night? And why would I try to fake people out with that shitty-looking comb-over? Had I been this way for a long time and just NOT NOTICED IT in a fit of denial???

I woke up in a cold sweat. I thanked GAWD that it was just a dream. I lit a cigarette and thought about my spooky imagination for about 30 seconds. Then, I crawled out of bed, staggered to the bathroom, turned on the light and looked in the mirror.

I REALLY WAS BALD, WITH A SHITTY, TWO-HAIR COMB-OVER!!! AIEEEEE!!!!!

Did you ever dream about waking from a dream and discover later that you were still dreaming? I didn't think so. Sane people don't do that, do they?

Neither do I.

Comments

Looks like you picked the wrong week to quit doing acid.

Posted by: Ralph Gizzip on December 23, 2004 12:08 PM

I've had many dreams-within-dreams, though I've never claimed I was sane.

Posted by: D.J. M.B. on December 23, 2004 04:41 PM

Dreamt I drove off the Tacoma Narrows bridge, plumeted for a really long time, wondered why it was taking so long, then woke up, told a bunch of people about it, and then REALLY woke up.

Posted by: Dave Munger on December 23, 2004 08:25 PM

One night I dreamed I was awake, and when I woke up I was asleep!

Posted by: Bob on December 24, 2004 06:15 AM
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