Gut Rumbles

December 14, 2004

pissing sitting down

I've always bragged that one of the benefits of being a man is the ability to stand up and pee. Hell, we can water a tree, stop ANYWHERE on the side of the road and even write our names in the snow if we want to. Instant relief is no problem.

A pecker is a nice thing to have.

I've always laughed at the female squatting thing and the half-a-roll of toilet paper it takes them to daub their delicate pussies dry when they finally generate the nerve to squat outside a pristine-clean cubicle with a perfumed stall and a locked door in the first place. Plus, wimmen are always afraid that someone will SEE them pissing.

WTF is that all about?

Guys don't give a shit about someone seeing them piss. If you maybe look longingly at a guy's wang when you're in one of those watery conga-lines, the gawkee may just turn and piss all over your Reeboks, but that's not a shameful thing, at least not to the gawkee. He'll wave that thing at you and say "Take a GOOD look, buddy! Is THIS what you wanted???"

Not that I would know, but I'm just sayin'...

Wimmen don't do that. They piss sitting down and they like padded toilet seats to rest their fat pretty asses on, too. I was about to get wound up and pontificate about how disgusting that practice is until I thought...

Bejus! I piss sitting down sometimes. I know a lot of other guys who do, too. That's just fucking sad.

Catfish caught me doing it in Athens. He saw me sitting on the john and asked, "Whatta ya doing, bow-legs? Pissin' or shittin'?" (Can you imagine a woman asking that question? Guys do.) I confessed that I wasn't certain. My body would make its mind up whenever it was ready.

I caught Cat on the john the next day, his ass on the commode and his face buried in a USA Today. "Okay, Big Cat. Whatta ya doin'? Pissin' or shittin'?" I loved his reply.

"I THINK I'm pissin,' but I ain't taking any chances."

I just had a hideous thought. Old men become... WIMMEN!!!!


I don't get it either, dude.

My wife will let me play gynecologist with her, but if I walk in the bathroom and see her and and her exposed thigh while she is taking a leak, she freaks out. There is nothing to see but her thigh. Christ!

I think all guys piss occaisonally while sitting down. I only do it if I am too tired to stand, or if I think I may have to stock the pond.

Posted by: Mikelx on December 14, 2004 08:38 PM

One more thing.

It is impossible for me to stand and piss with morning wood, and it ain't gonna go soft until you let it flow.

So there is another reason to piss sitting down.

Posted by: Mikelx on December 14, 2004 08:49 PM

That may be true, Rob, but what's the absolute LAST thing you want to see and hear in a men's public restroom?

The guy at the next urinal looking over and saying to you, "Nice dick!" :-(

Posted by: Gewehr98 on December 14, 2004 10:48 PM

I'm not modest about that. I didn't realize I had the option. Conversations don't end when wives and mothers must pee; we are simply followed into the bathroom where we are further pestered.

I have always wanted to pee standing up. When I was 4, I told my sitter's son (also 4) as much. He intructed that I try.

So we both stood in front of the toilet and let it rip. I'd say he only did a little better than I did, actually. But yeah, a mess to clean up either way.

Still. while it lasted.

Posted by: Key on December 14, 2004 11:22 PM

When pondering the squating issue, keep in mind that we don't have the same capacity to "aim" that you boys do. Personally I've peed on my feet several times when trying to squat in the woods. Yuck. As for the privacy issue... all hopes of taking care of bathroom matters privately ended when I bacame a mom. I now do my business when I have to regardless of who insists on being present for the event.

Posted by: Christine on December 14, 2004 11:54 PM

Oh, and as Velociman has disclosed his affinity for the seated pee on multiple occasions, I must ask you both, what the fuck is wrong with you?

Yes, you get cussed out for leaving the lid up and depositing congealed urine spatter everywhere, but is it not worth it?

Stand your asses up.

Posted by: Key on December 15, 2004 12:03 AM

Hell, if I could shit standing up without it landing in my trou, I'd do it.

Posted by: Steve on December 15, 2004 12:29 AM

One benefit of sitting is that it is possible to continue blogging and surfing blogs. That's tougher to do standing...

Posted by: Desert Cat on December 15, 2004 12:36 AM

Actually, I once knew a woman who could piss standing up. She was blessed/cursed by a very long, er, well, it actually peaked out of the hairy clam, if you know what I mean. She could point it and write in the snow, too.

I always kinda thought that would be cool.

And yes, I've known some interesting and different people in my life.

Posted by: Mamamontezz on December 15, 2004 12:56 AM

I like reading on the John and proud of it, it is a nice escape place though!

Posted by: Sean on December 15, 2004 12:59 AM

I piss sitting down because I am lazy and dont want to stand if I dont have to - which is a thoroughly manly trait.


Posted by: werbinox on December 15, 2004 01:52 AM

Hell, that's about the only opportunity I get to actually sit down with a magazine and relax! And of course, at work, going to take a pee is also time to get the old PDA out and play a quick game of solitaire!!

Posted by: Michele on December 15, 2004 04:48 AM

God said to Adam and Eve... "Ok... I'm about done with you two. I just have one more area to deal with and I'm going to give you a choice." Both Adam and Eve were very excited about being able to make a choice. God said, "Which one of you wants to be able to pee standing up?" Adam jumped up, waving his hand wildly "ME ME ME ME! That would be SO COOL!!!" God replied, "Alright Adam, you can pee standing up. Now, Eve, that just leaves multiple orgasms........."

Yeah... I like being a girl!

Posted by: PamelaRN on December 15, 2004 05:43 AM

Does the word "Sitzpinkler" mean anything to you?
If not, google it up and read the first entry ...

Posted by: Kim Hartveld on December 15, 2004 07:39 AM

Hilarious! Thanks for the good laugh.

Posted by: majick1 on December 15, 2004 09:57 AM

There are 2 times it is acceptable to piss while sitting down:

1) When you're too drunk to stand.

2) When you've just had sex, so it doesn't go all over the walls.

Neither excuse is acceptable in a venue that has a urinal.

Posted by: yobbo on December 15, 2004 11:32 AM

When we were in Athens, the water level must have been very high or my dick and balls must have grown? When I Cuase, when I sit and peed, my balls and dick were laying about two inches deep, in the water, refeshing. Cat.

Posted by: Catfish on December 15, 2004 11:51 AM

I will sit and pee when I can't make an arc anymore.
When I have morning wood and hafta pee, I take it outside. if it's cold out, the heat mist off the arc looks incredible and I know I'm gonna have a great day!
Montez de Momma.....were 'her' initials Michael Jackson?

Posted by: Marcus on December 15, 2004 12:05 PM

Old soldiers advice , never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lay down, sleep whenever you can.

Posted by: James Old Guy on December 15, 2004 12:49 PM

If I ever find a 'sitzpinkler' on my toilet seat, it get's busted offa there and in the trash so fast...

Posted by: Desert Cat on December 15, 2004 10:18 PM

I once knew a girl who could pee standing up. When we were playing golf, she'd just pull her shorts over to the side and pee up against a tree - just like a man. The guys thought it was funny. Most women thought it was disgusting. I think they were just jealous.

Posted by: Dash on December 15, 2004 11:04 PM

I just learned today that Iraqi men squat.

Posted by: sex scenes at starbucks on December 16, 2004 01:10 AM

Marcus: "if it's cold out, the heat mist off the arc looks incredible"

And I'll bet when the sun's up, you can see a rainbow in that mist.

Posted by: Kim Hartveld on December 16, 2004 04:28 AM

Alright! What a topic you fellows are talking about! Pissing Sitting Down!
Then not bad if you know that in my culture the male people avoid peeing while standing! In my country it's so, as my religion has recommended not to pee while standing, and to do it while sitting or squatting. I know there, they teach the boy, when he is grown enough to be able to stand up, how to pee while standing, but it's not so here. However, I am male and quite healthy, but I don't pee while standing. You should consider that there are many different ways and theologies around the world.

To my own, peeing while standing is a nasty actions, also it does not feet a man's character, that's like you imagine a respectable man standing up still some where, his penis is out and his piss line in front of him! Who made the rule that males MUST stand up while urinating? And don't relate it to the nature, potentially many things are natural as an ability; one can bring it out (gun), aim and kill, but he has choosing power, although he has the ability, but he may not do it if he is sane; one can just bring it out, aim and piss, but does it mean he can not do it in a way but that?

Why stand to pee? Why aim? Aiming is for the time when you are distant to your target and can't be close to it, but when you can be close to it, and if you are sane, you prefer being close to your target than aiming to the target. So sit down and be relax, the name of the place you are doing that in, is rest room! And why you waste your time and energy in cleaning bathrooms? You can save it for more useful affairs by reducing the need of bathroom to be cleaned!

As for those who say "peeing while standing is of a few pleasures of a man!", I should say that a man is more valuable than way of peeing places as his pleasure and property! It does not fit a man to consider that as his worth! Men have more valuable special abilities to be mentioned! And as for those who say "peeing while standing is much easier than doing it while sitting or squatting", I should say that bending over and pulling down pants, and keeping a part of panties down for a while and aim for a while both need an attempt; and the fact that which one is easier for a person depends on habit. The way in which one's habit is based on, is easier for that one, and to which you habit, it will be easier for you! As God has made the ability of peeing while standing easily in guys, it must have an advantage, and yes it has. In men's jobs some times urgent situations happen, and some times they have to do some thing in a short time when the speed is important, and some times men have situations that they can't sit or squat or are in places where sitting or squatting is not easily possible; in such times they can use their ability of peeing while standing easily. But these urgent times just some times happen, not always! So I think there should be a project for men to stop, or to say better, manage peeing while standing. One group are already doing that and their site is: . As I mentioned, there are some occations when it's needed to pee standing up, then it happens for both men and women! So what should women do? So easy, they can instantly pee standing up using a small device, one is here: .
However, it will be great if the current way of peeing of guys in toilets and bathrooms, in the most parts of the world changes.


Posted by: Ali Emami on February 10, 2005 11:26 AM
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