December 14, 2004
There once was a woman named Key
Who wore high-heeled boots to her knee
When I tried to seduce her
She became an abuser
And threw a beer bottle at me
Thank you... thank you...
I once had a buddy named "Sam"
Who said, "I'm not sure where I am"
We said, "Trust me, my dear,
For you are right here.
Take a drink, then you won't give a damn."
Oh! You people are too kind! Thank you again...
Watch out for a fellow named "Cat."
He's tall and tattooed, getting fat--
But if you're feeling poorly
I tell you most surely
He's got a cure for all that.
Please, please... no more applause...
Kelley was not feeling well
But she hung so that no one could tell
The pain in her head
Finally sent her to bed
With everyone else raising hell.
Yeah, I'll be here all week...
Eric remains a Marine
He's so red that I think he bleeds green
If you feed him some scotch,
Then you'd better watch--
He's about to do something obscene.
See? I can write shitty poetry, too.
(Ya'll remember the "$2 Bed Blues?")
Truly I have been shamed by the master. You are definitely a shittier poet than I!
(Sorry, couldn't resist. Thanks for the opening paragraph hon!)
Thanks man. Kinda like that bunny, this shit just keeps getting better and better.
Not bad for a old fart like you.
..BWHAHAA...... what can I say?.. I am honored, and humbled.. oh, and I DO bleed green... well, at least it looked green after all that Scotch...
There once was a fellow named Rob
Who had an unusual knob
When he tried to inflate it
So that he could mate it
He found he was up to the job
Good God, limericks gone wild. Ok, now where's the video? That last one was funny.
There once was a fella named Kim,
Who's reputation preceded him.
He flipped the bird on the spot,
Wound up with a dot,
A soon after he posted 'bout quim.
Tonight in my blogosphere stumbles
I decided to read Gut Rumbles
After reading the poems
I thought I would show 'em
But don't read it aloud -- just mumble.
Yes, Rob, you're a true Southern Gent,
and time with you is quite well spent.
You bitch and you moan,
and quibble and groan,
complain, argue, ramble and vent.
That's not to say it's not a joy
to read about every new toy.
Or even the Chica
you laid in C.Rica.
Methinks that your crust is a ploy.
And though you can be pretty shitty
When you see someone blog their kitty
You're still just the best.
You brought me to BlogFest,
And in person you're pretty damned witty.
So though you're not kin or kith,
I'll for you always plead the fifth
when asked by some hick
if it's true 'bout your dick
'cause you're not the one I was with.
No, I"m not a comely young lass,
and so you said you'd take a pass.
And that's just as well,
for from what I could tell,
You'd have pro'ly been crushed by my ass.
But what a way to die.
If vitriol is to your taste,
Then visit the Acidman's place
Where he sprays his invective
In a way most effective.
To neutralize him you'd be base.
He's a blogger of such great renown,
He'll admit that he pees sitting down.
"So I don't get quarts
Of hot piss in my shorts!"
Explained Mr. Smith with a frown.