Gut Rumbles

December 02, 2004

facts of life

* I walk into the Crackerbox and I feel a Circle of Negativity forming around me. I'm really beginning to hate this place.

* I feel no shame about renting prostitutes in Costa Rica, and I would LOVE to see my bloodless cunt, ex-wife bring up the subject in court. Yeah... I rented a few hookers. Jennifer, you did... what? While married? In front of a six year-old boy? Explain THAT to the judge if you want to bring up MY sex life.

* Rosemary explained how mordida, or "the bite," works in her line of business. Got-dam! I pay HER and half the people in town get a cut of the money. THAT'S what greasy-guy was doing on the street that evening.

* Homeland security is a joke. I was manhandled by those people today because I was profiled--- NOT as a potential terrorist or drug-smuggler--- but as a silver-haired white male that they could fuck with impudently. No, I take that back: nobody was impudent with me. The people were all polite and professional. But they fucked with me anyway, because they knew that they could. I didn't enjoy the experience.

* Some people call themselves "aggressive" or "self-confident" when all they really are is feral. They don't see any difference between a tiger and a hyena.

* I came to hate a dog in Costa Rica. I never saw the fucking mutt, but he was the damnedest barkaholic that I ever heard. He was one of those Ingersol-Rand dogs, the kind that don't have to breathe a single time to bark for thirty minutes straight. He liked to crank up at 3:00 in the morning, too, barking at nothing just because he could. That dog is why I left my first hotel in Jaco. He gave me thoughts of anti-freeze and mole pellets, and I don't like to go there.

* I asked Rosemary the other night: "You are young and attractive now. How much longer do you think you can keep doing what you're doing?" She said 10 more years. I asked her what she planned to do in 10 more years. "Be dead, mon," she replied, and she meant it. That's a sad philosophy. I know the feeling.

* Comment spammers really are the scum of the earth. I have serious cleaning up to do tomorrow.

* Rosemary said that she was 30 years old. I would put her closer to 40, but I didn't pursue that topic. I fucked up when I told her how old I am. "No Waaaay!" she said. "You no 52. You 58, maybe 60." That hurt. She said that I had old eyes. That statement may be true, because these old eyes have seen a lot, but I don't believe that I look 58 years old. C'mon. Even on a bad day, I don't look any older than 57.

* I really missed not having a guitar to play a few times in Costa Rica. That place makes me want to sing.

* This blog will be three years old this month. In all modesty, I do not believe that another blog like mine exists anywhere on the net. I have no idea how to "classify" my blog in any specific category. I just write. Some people like what I write and some people don't. I ain't stretching for an audience and I don't care which way you lean. But I'll be here next year, too.

* What's the difference between a "crust" and a "patina?"

* I am tired. I have one ear still stopped up from riding airplanes today. And I still have to figure out what I'm going to do with the dead hooker's bloody head in my duffle bag.


Welcome home. I recommend lots of sleep.

Posted by: torchpraise on December 2, 2004 10:48 PM

A patina is a thin crust that looks like something better than a scab. Crusts, otherwise, just look like scabs.

Posted by: Bill on December 2, 2004 11:02 PM

Regarding the contents of the duffle bag: clean it off as best you can, put in a decent size bucket of clorox and water, and let it sit for a few days. Change the water every 4 or 5 days. Continue this process for as long as you think necessary. You'll end up with a nicely bleached wall-hanger. Just be careful not to over-do it, cuz the bones will get brittle on you...

Posted by: torchpraise on December 3, 2004 12:08 AM

Dead hooker's head weighing you down?

quarter, blend or puree, flush. 3 easy steps...

Posted by: Longbow on December 3, 2004 12:35 AM

It was you and Baldilocks who inspired me to start blogging nearly 2 months ago. Initially I worried about the blog not being a coherent body of thought -- I go off in all directions. Bu it's all good, and I DO believe your audience will find you. You don't have to be "classified". Thanks.

Posted by: Ruth on December 3, 2004 12:41 AM

Patina: a layer of material(s) that become part of the finish on an object. Like rust, oil and a hand rubbing on a piece of hardware.

Crust: That stuff you have on your machina from your trip to Costa.


Posted by: wes jackson on December 3, 2004 02:27 AM


Anyhow, welcome back, dude. Glad to hear you had a good time down there again.

Posted by: zonker on December 3, 2004 02:42 AM

Welcome home! Vacation let-down sucks, doesn't it?

Posted by: Chablis on December 3, 2004 07:32 AM

Happy Third Blogday to Gut Rumbles!

Keep up the good work and try not to get busted for the dead hookers head. Maybe you could shrink it and put it on your mantle as a souvenier?

Posted by: Florida Bill on December 3, 2004 07:44 AM

Welcome back. sounds like an interesting time.

Posted by: Yarbz on December 3, 2004 08:26 AM

Welcome Home and Happy Anniversary on your Blog... :)

Posted by: Trease on December 3, 2004 08:50 AM

Drop some chili on a piece of paper, let it dry, that's a crust.
Spill some coffee next to it, wipe it off half-ass-edly, what's left would be a patina, sorta, welcome back. Only the head, huh?

Posted by: JSAllison on December 3, 2004 10:03 AM

Amazing how you got that head past all them security types at the airport.

Posted by: Sgt Hook on December 3, 2004 10:29 AM

Maybe the ex has a use for it

Posted by: Ray Smith on December 3, 2004 11:02 AM

You EAT a crust on a pie. A patina on a pie however, means that it should be thrown away, as the patina usually involves mold.

On a firearm though, a patina is sometimes desireable as it shows you use the damn thing rather than store it in your gun locker all year long. CRUST on a gun comes when you store it in or near salt water.

If you have either a CRUST or a PATINA on Roscoe, see a doctor.

Posted by: MunDane on December 3, 2004 11:36 AM
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