Gut Rumbles

November 30, 2004

out of touch

I sat around the beach on Sunday and felt lonely. I moved from the Hotel Robelar to the Canciones Del Mar that morning and I liked my new digs a lot better than the old ones. I had a TV, air conditioning and hot water now. All I needed to complete the perfect picture was a woman to keep me company.

I decided to get one. I figured that if I could find dope for Herve without even looking for it, I could find myself a woman if I asked The Right Person. That's one of the tricks about Costa Rica. You can engage in any kind of vice you want, but you need to ask The Right Person first.

People here do not act the way Jamaicans do, crawling out of bushes and doing everything short of an open-field tackle to get you to buy what they're selling. Costa Ricans are more subtle. YOU have to ask first. If you ask The Right Person, you're exactly where you want to be.

I went down to a street (called "Calle de Putas" by the locals-- but I didn't know that until later) and I saw a well-dressed, greasy-haired, important-looking guy standing on the corner. I walked up and asked him where I could find some nice company for the next couple of days.

That was easy. He shouted "Oye! Muchachas!" and three absolutely beautiful wimmen appeared from out of nowhere. I asked "how much?" and greasy-guy told me that the girls set the deals--- you make your own bed, so to speak, and he stays out of the negotiations.

I picked a short, shapely black woman, a genuine Caribe, and I've been lost in a time/space continuum ever since. Her name is Rosemary. She has been a most entertaining partner and we settled on a price of 40,000 colones (less than $100) for two days, which was a bargain at the price, even if I did feed her, water her and buy some clothes for her, too. Just having fun, that's all.

She's gone today to visit her mama in San Jose, but she wants to see me again tomorrow. That sounds good to me, because I could use a day off after some really intense sport-fucking. I leave here on Thursday and I wouldn't mind going out with a bang.

Rosemary likes "la machine," which is her name for the bionic Roscoe. She tried her best to wear it out, but she lost that battle. I endeavored to persevere and I came out on top--- to use an apt phrase. And I'll tell you something else, too. If Costa Rican wimmen fake their enjoyment of sex, they are the best actors I've ever seen.

I learned a lot over the past two days. I will share some of the details when I get back home.


You magnificent bastard! (with all do respect, of course;-) Keep up the travel log so I can live vacriously through your travels!!

Posted by: Rumbear on November 30, 2004 10:47 AM

I don't care if a woman comes or not. But I insist that she make me think she comes.

Posted by: Steve H. on November 30, 2004 10:49 AM

I've GOT to get down there... !

Posted by: Mike on November 30, 2004 11:43 AM

I am betting on pictures. I am beginning to think this whole thing should start out as " Once upon a time there was a man named Rob."

Posted by: James Old Guy on November 30, 2004 12:03 PM

Damnit, Rob, put a lid on it. You're giving my anonymous little paradise too much PR. ;)

Seriously though, it looks like you've just about discovered the one bad thing about Costa Rica: It's nearly impossible to leave.

Granted, the "bad" part is open to interpretation.

Posted by: Mr. Lion on November 30, 2004 01:50 PM

Holy cripes mi amigo! You're killing me here!!!

Posted by: WarWagon on November 30, 2004 02:00 PM

That's beautiful. I have this vision of poor Rosemary collapsed in a sweaty heap moaning "no mas" over and over. What a vacation. And the term "La Machina" is pure poetry.

Posted by: Cerberus on November 30, 2004 02:08 PM

the Song of the Sea, what a wonderful name for a hotel. I gots to get down there and see that myself

Posted by: greg on November 30, 2004 05:08 PM

Long as you give a warning about any"La Machina",pictures are good.

Posted by: big al on November 30, 2004 06:01 PM

one word. pictures.

Posted by: Rey on November 30, 2004 06:37 PM

.. you are having a whale of a time... I wish I could fly down, and buy you a beer..... but, the next chapter is yours, muchacho... Christina is anxiously awaiting your return.... as are, of course, we all..... c'mon back, man....

Posted by: Eric on November 30, 2004 07:03 PM

Shit, I wouldn't EVER come back!

Posted by: BUCK on November 30, 2004 09:22 PM

We who live vicariously through Roscoe
salute you!

Posted by: BJK on November 30, 2004 10:08 PM

Remind me not to have sex with you the next time we meet.

Never mind. I'll remember.

Posted by: Velociman on November 30, 2004 10:58 PM

Up scope.

Posted by: torchpaise on November 30, 2004 11:20 PM

endeavored to persevere
Chief Dan George in Outlaw Josey Wales
Right Rob?
What do I win?

Posted by: Ivan Ivanovich on December 1, 2004 05:46 PM

Damn, boy. Your doing us proud... your son will be so happy to read about Daddy buying pussy. Maybe he'll show this to his friends as an example of what a cool dude his old man is.

You better believe that Jennifer will be showing it to a judge. God, your even dumber than we thought.

Posted by: Good Golly on December 1, 2004 07:30 PM

I made it ALL up, Golly, you fastidious fuck. I was never even IN Costa Rica.

And if my boy ever wants to buy some pussy for himself, he now has a great teacher to tell him how to do it.

By the way: BITE ME! I don't give a shit what Jennifer shows to a judge.

Posted by: Acidman on December 2, 2004 08:06 PM
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