Gut Rumbles

November 18, 2004

it all fit

I have everything I'm taking to Costa Rica packed into one bag. This is good. I ain't taking a whole lot with me, but I think I've still got more than I need. I am ready to go tomorrow.

I went by and had a nice visit with my mama today. She and my grandmother think I am very handsome now that I have a short haircut and no beard anymore. Awww... they love me even when I'm ugly.

I arrived back home this afternoon and had a typical polite, articulate message from Recondo 32 on my machine: "Hey, asshole! Turn off the porno movie, get your cock out of your paw and stop jacking off. Pick up the goddam phone, shit-bird!" See how MY FRIENDS talk to me? No wonder I'm so depressed all the time.

I watched a movie that had a hysterical woman in it. If I were a feminist, that kind of shit would piss me off. EVERY movie that has action and violence in it features at least one hysterical woman, you know, the one who goes to screaming pieces at the sight of blood, who can't see through the torrents of tears streaming from her eyes, who walks backward, trembling with fright and whimpering like a whipped dog, until she bumps into something she didn't see and screams some more.

What kind of message does that send? I AM WOMAN! Hear me whine and watch me act with the maturity and intelligence of a three year-old boy in a crisis situation. Got Dam! I can't call 'em "broads" anymore, because that's a sexist term. But Hollywood keeps showing hysterical wimmen by the truckload. Go figure.

I got a holiday greeting card from the US Post Office today. Why? What am I going to do if I DON'T receive that greeting card? Take my business elsewhere for home mail? What a useless gesture. How much did that shit cost?

I almost signed up for an internet dating service today. I chickened out at the last minute, mainly because I'm leaving the country tomorrow, and I want to be around to see what kind of fucked-up woman might be interested in ME when I post the bio I composed especially for the ad. Yeah, I like candle-lit dinners, long walks on the beach and taxidermy. You oughta see my stuffed armadillo collection.

I may have a guest blogger posting while I'm gone. I dared him, and he SAYS he has cast-iron balls. We'll see. He has the keys to the joint.

You gonna miss me while I'm gone???


I got a greeting card from a state I didn't live or work in telling me I owe them income tax. Do they just pick names out of a hat and decide to charge them taxes??

It's only 7 grand, but I'll go to jail before I pay that shit.

Posted by: Geoffrey on November 18, 2004 10:55 PM

Why don't you just use your blog as a Personal ad?

On second thought you don't want to scare them off too quickly.

Posted by: Ralph Gizzip on November 18, 2004 11:11 PM

Why aren't you taking your homes with you, asswipe? And Geoffrey: those are my taxes. And I thank you. Don't be late on the payments, howefer. Equifax hates that shit.

Posted by: Velociman on November 18, 2004 11:17 PM

Miss you? Desparately!

Posted by: Mamamontezz on November 18, 2004 11:42 PM

Of course we will miss you. But, knowing that you're getting RRP (rest, relaxation and pussy) and enjoying yourself makes it all worthwhile.

Have fun!!

Posted by: Cythen on November 19, 2004 01:49 AM

Have a great trip, and don't forget your wagoneer badge!

Posted by: wes jackson on November 19, 2004 03:15 AM

hey man...have another great trip. We'll still be here when you get back. And hell, go ahead and sign up on the interwebnet thingy personals (I did). You'll love it. Just leave us your password...we'll hook you up, I promise.

Posted by: MarcL on November 19, 2004 04:26 AM

Stay out of the way of those dangerous mangos, Ok?

Posted by: BeeBee on November 19, 2004 07:19 AM

I'll go to work again tomorrow, and the next day, and so on, probably till I die because I owe half the world's national debt. (thanks, bitch)

At least I can have a bit of fun reading what you get up to, and being envious as all get out.

Play hard Acidman, I'm depending on you for my virtual vacation.

Lots of strange rum based drinks and brown skinned women would be good.

Posted by: Henry Blowfly on November 19, 2004 07:36 AM

Bye! Have fun!

I'm so jealous....I'll vacation vicariously thru you.

Posted by: Ames on November 19, 2004 08:21 AM

i miss ya already acidman...have fun/

Posted by: polishpete on November 19, 2004 04:58 PM
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