Gut Rumbles

November 17, 2004

loss of package

I know this feeling and it ain't pleasant. I'm not talking about a satirical, tongue-in-cheek play on words, either. I'm talking about a REAL, PERMANENT loss of package.

A dead dick ain't no fun. I suffered from that affliction for 19 months after prostate surgery. I had experiences such as this during that time, where I was actually desperate enough for a piece of ass that I shot myself in the wanger with a hypodermic needle to achieve an erection. Bejus! Those were terrible times.

I can't stand that fucking Viagra commercial where "Wild Thing" sprouts the blue horns from his head while looking at some Victoria's Secret shit in a store window and leering at his girlfriend. I want to kill that bastard. I want to kill his goddam slut girlfriend, too.

I want to BE "Wild Thing" again. I always was, and I didn't like that part of my life being taken away from me.

I have a $38,000 bionic package now, and it works just fine. Oh, it's ever-ready and it'll get the job done, but it just ain't like what I once had. I always LIKED my dick before it died. I still DREAM about the old Roscoe. He and I were a team for many years, and I miss him today. This "tool" I have functions (dry-fire and all), but it just ain't like it once was.

And I have to watch all these got-dam commercials about some prick taking a pill and making his lady see stars again, like that penis-enhanced "Bob" with the frozen smile on his face to reflect his "woody." I'd drown that grinning sumbitch in his swimming pool if I had the chance, or beat him to death with a sand wedge if I met him on the golf course. And I wouldn't fuck his slut of a wife on a dare, even if I were piss-ass drunk at the time.

Even the WIMMEN are doing those commercials. Have you seen the one with the sexy bitch on the floating dock at the lake? You know, the one where she's sitting there with a lasting case of pussy-tingles and talking dreamily about the glories of Cialis? Bejus! I just keep waiting for the camera to zoom in on the wet spot on the dock when she stands up. Slut. I WANT HER!!!

Bah! Ignore me. I'm just having a flashback to my Dick-Depression from years past. And unlike the song, it isn't as if I didn't know what I had before it was gone. I KNEW and I damn sure missed it.

I still do.


Never did understand that " wild thing " add, the woman was hot and if you need viagra to do her , you had some other problems. Now if you want to see if Viagra really works , lets trot out Rosey O in a thong and see if that little blue bill will really do a miracle.

Posted by: James Old Guy on November 17, 2004 12:00 PM

Umm, point of order. The ad indicates that the woman is "Wild Thing's" wife, nez pah?

Posted by: BlogDog on November 17, 2004 01:28 PM

I know she is suppose to be his wife, and if my wife had looked like that , well what can I say.

Posted by: James Old Guy on November 17, 2004 01:35 PM

And then there are those who need a medicinal the equipment works, but the drive is waning.

Posted by: Key on November 17, 2004 05:14 PM

Hell, Acid, I haven't even started worrying about the hard part yet, I'm still trying to get myself potty trained. How long does this part last? My brother said that his lasted 2 months, but I've read up to a year. If it goes a year, I'm buying stock in DEPENDS

Posted by: AndyJ on November 17, 2004 09:58 PM

Now that's a scary post. am, we're the same age, and knock on wood(yuk yuk), I don't have even a hint of BPH and a low, consistent PSA. I'd like to attribute part of it to a prostate supplement I've been taking for about 10 years. Of course I get the yearly rear entry, digital check and have a very healthy diet. My wife just turned 40 and has an excellent sex drive, we stoick every day given the chance. A needle in my dick, yeeeoowie!

Posted by: MM on November 18, 2004 01:39 PM
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