Gut Rumbles

November 15, 2004

Existential thoughts again

I have a serious, heart-felt question to ask, and I want an honest answer. This is for all you Wimmen who read me:

"Do you think you have a fine ass?"

I realize that I just asked a LOADED QUESTION (BWHAHAHAHA!!!) but I'm serious about it. Wimmen and their asses have always intrigued me. I believe that the feminine Butt-Ox is the most sexy part of a woman's body, just because the SHAPE is so different from a man's. Plus, wimmen alway WORRY about their butts, where men never think twice about theirs unless the dookey-chute gets plugged-up, or something. This is a really species-specific question.

I wanna know. Ladies, when you put on a new dress, turn seventeen different ways in the full-length mirror, primp, strut and slut while admiring your own bounty, why do you THEN turn around and ask your husband, "Honey, does this dress make my butt look fat?"


*"Yeah, darlin.' Your butt's blocking the TV and it's fourth and goal from the one. Get out of the way."

*"No, honey. Your butt looks fine."

*"Bejus! You are AWESOME! Come to me! I must have hot, wet passion RIGHT NOW!"

*"Christ! If you were gonna haul ass, you'd have to make TWO TRIPS!"

*"Butt? WHAT butt?"

*"Why do you ask me about your butt every time you put on a new dress? When I married you, I married your butt, too. You know, thick and thin, better or worse, yadda, yadda. Get dressed and let's go."

I ask only one True Confession from you wimmen. If you've got a nice ass and YOU believe it's a nice ass, you FLAUNT IT, don't you? C'mon, don't lie to me. You wear stuff to make your ass look good, you walk to make your ass look good and you LIKE knowing that your ass looks good.

You ALSO like it when men notice your fine ass. I'm not talking about the pawing and slobbering shit that some dorks do to give all men a bad reputation. I mean guys who turn their heads, raise their eyebrows or nod approvingly when you walk into a room. If you've got a fine ass and you dressed to show it off, you EXPECT that kind of appreciation.

THAT IS NOT SEXUAL HARASSMENT!!! That is simple he-ing and she-ing and we would have died out years ago if we didn't do such stuff. Welcome to Human Nature, 101.

I just don't like people pretending that they don't understand the game. Big-titted wimmen wear low-cut, spagetti-strap tops that spill half their breasts out for a suntan and they become "insulted" when some man notices. Is THAT ridiculous, or what?

Suppose men walked around with HALF OF THEIR DICK hanging out of their pants. Would wimmen NOT notice? Would it be really rude and impolite to say, as a female in a group of females, "Holy Bejus! Look at the rack on THAT ONE! DAMN! I'd ride it in the Bedroom Rodeo." I don't think that behavior is crazy. I think it's NORMAL.

Okay, enough diversion. Back to my original question: Do you have a fine ass, or not?


Yeah, I'm quite fond of my ass. But I've been naturally thin all of my life, so I don't suffer from a negative body image like most women. I've also never asked a man their opinion of my wardrobe lol.

Posted by: Chablis on November 15, 2004 02:24 PM

She: "Honey, does this dress make my butt look fat?"

"No." (thinks: "It ain't the dress' fault. Don't even try to blame it on the dress!")

Posted by: McGehee on November 15, 2004 02:58 PM

Oops. Rob, you can delete that other one. I'll try again...

She: "Honey, does this dress make my butt look fat?"

He: "No." (thinks: "It ain't the dress' fault. Don't even try to blame it on the dress!")

Posted by: McGehee on November 15, 2004 02:59 PM

I think my butt looks best when I'm bent over.

Posted by: DogsDon'tPurr on November 15, 2004 03:05 PM

Yeah, DDP. I've noticed that trait about several wimmen I've known. There's a fine ass, and then there's SHEER BEAUTY!

Of course, you had to be there to appreciate it.

Posted by: Acidman on November 15, 2004 03:13 PM

I think you should have made it mandatory that any woman claiming to have a fine ass present photographic proof.

Just sayin' is all...

Posted by: Jay G on November 15, 2004 03:26 PM

85% of women think their ass is too big.......

10% of women think their ass is too little......

The other 5% say that they don't care, they love him, and would have married him anyway!!

Posted by: Alaska Kim on November 15, 2004 04:10 PM

Well, in all honesty, I always felt mine was too small for a woman as large as I am. Sure, I have the big ol'thighs and saddlebags, but specific to the ass? It's really kinda small proportionately.

I'd say I'm pleased with that. For a Fat Chick, I have a Fine Ass. And it takes a spanking well. You want references?

Posted by: Mamamontezz on November 15, 2004 05:58 PM

I like Mamamontezz's attitude! I've always been proud that while I might be a big girl I have a nice, round, firm, porportioned bottom. I never ask if it "looks fat" I figure if you don't like it look the other damn way... if you do, stare longingly and maybe I'll bat my eyelashes and throw you a big smile.

Posted by: Christine on November 15, 2004 11:03 PM

I use to have a nice ass and when I did, you bet yer ass I wore stuff to make it look good. I have no problem with a man noticing either.

Posted by: Lori on November 16, 2004 12:18 AM

Undisputed, the title of best-ass belong to the women from the land of India. Period.

Posted by: RON on November 16, 2004 03:21 AM

I have never suffered from a poor body image. I'm a well-rounded, yet proportionate gal and I LOVE my ass. I also love when other's love my ass too ;-)

Posted by: Erin on November 16, 2004 10:49 AM

"This is a really species-specific question"

Thank God. For a moment I thought you were talking about a horse's ass.

Posted by: Kim Hartveld on November 17, 2004 08:40 AM
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