Gut Rumbles

November 09, 2004


I live in Jesusland. In fact, if Jesusland were a human body, I would be part of one of the really vital organs--- maybe not the heart or the brain, but at least the liver or pineal gland.

In Effingham County, Georgia, we have more churches than we do 7-11 stores. People take their God-fearing seriously here. I don't see anything wrong with people exercising their freedom of religion and as long as they don't come knocking on my door trying to recruit ME, and except for a few misguided Jehovah's Witnesses, they don't.

People get along well here. We don't have much crime, people are polite to one another and little children mind their manners. We get to know our neighbors and if somebody needs a hand with a project, you offer yours without being asked. They do the same for you. I live around a lot of nice people.

The fact that I'm an athiest never enters into that equation.

The bowel-plugged yankee whinebuckets who tear their hair and scream about the ignorance in Jesusland don't know what they're talking about. Those prick-fiddles have a lot more in common with the French than they do the people of Middle America. They claim to be "intellectual" when they don't have a lick of common sense. They claim to be "compassionate" when they spew hatred at anyone who disagrees with them. They claim to worship "diversity" when they scorn anyone who thinks differently than they do. They claim to be "tolerant," which is a cosmic joke.

I may live in "Jesusland," but it sure as hell beats that "Bizzaro World" those deluded fucknuggets inhabit. I'll tell you an honest truth. You'd have to scour Jesusland far and wide to find a fire-and-brimstone fundamentalist preacher more sanctimonious and intolerant than a northeastern liberal. And the preacher is one hell of a lot more honest about his beliefs, because he doesn't try to pretend to be something he's not, unlike a liberal.

We like to keep things simple. We like God, guts and guns. (Pickup trucks, good dogs, pretty wimmen and some of the best cooking on the planet aid in our struggle against the oppressive forces that other people see closing in on our country when we don't. We're more concerned with killing fire ants than we are with Global Warming. After all, we have hot weather ALL THE TIME down South.) Yeah, we are a quaint, provincial bunch.

Just a note from Jesusland, where I live, and where I am happy in my blissful ignorance of important issues.


lmbo at "deluded fucknuggets..."

Dude, I love you....

"Bizzaro world..."
*falls out of chair, laughing*

Man, I do love the truth, and my favorite form of it is "wrapped in humor".

You do that so well....


Posted by: Stevie on November 9, 2004 12:20 PM

If I was you, I'd be jealous of those of us who live in God's gonads. (aka, the redneck riviera/panhandle of Florida).


Posted by: catzmeow on November 9, 2004 12:46 PM

God Bless this post. I feel trapped in the useless and ultra liberal appendix of Jesusland here in Illinois. We need an appendectomy something fierce.

Posted by: Florida Bill on November 9, 2004 12:53 PM

"...bowel plugged whinebuckets..." ..."prick-fiddles..."
What GREAT phrases. YOU are priceless, bud!

Posted by: Pammy on November 9, 2004 01:40 PM

Now, now, we all know that if you were an organ of Jesusland, you would be the colon. An really irritated one, too.

Bless your heart.

Posted by: Phelps on November 10, 2004 05:36 PM

check out

crime's not so bad here if we ignore it

Posted by: tex lex on December 29, 2004 04:46 PM

I really appreciate blogs like this one becuase it is insightful and helps me communicate with others.
thanks.also, that guy billyz, I really need to talk to you about that cure you mentioned.

Posted by: online pharmacy on February 1, 2005 03:29 PM

How can you talk about your own countrymen like this you piece of shit. How can you generalize all of the south. What if I had said all rag heads are terrorists. I bet you like that statement. Oh Im sorry is rag head not politically correct hahaha FUCK YOU. I bet you love those illegal mexicans coming into our country but if you say anything bad about them then you would probably go apeshit. Oh but its fine to talk about the south like that? Go fuck yourself. I would like to see you come to the south.. you would get your ass kicked. As long as thats enough to keep your ass from coming back thats fine by me, Its funny cause noone has any northern rants? You know why? We have respect. I just don't have any respect for you because you insult not only where Im from but my family as well. Im from Tennessee and down here we have respect and morals. You don't see us insulting you. But I am, so fuck you you left wing fucktard half the stuff you said isn't true. Eventhough the first colonies were "blue states" all the founding fathers from there would shoot themselves if they saw where our country is today. Most of them owned slaves anyway. Come down here and I'll give you the facts you son of a bitch. Oh we have some pretty damn good universities down here so we are educated too. But the north probably think they are the only ones with school....hmm sounds pretty ignorent to me. Oh and my dad is from Minnesota which is up north and hes a right wing nut job like me so fuck you all that don't have anything good to say about your own fellow countrymen.
-This is to ever wrote "Fuck the South"

Posted by: Taylor on July 29, 2009 11:38 PM
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