Gut Rumbles
 

October 28, 2004

raising children

Human beings are gluttons for punishment. Due to some insane, primordial instinct, we INSIST on having children.

A woman spends nine months being pregnant and experiencing hormonal upheavals and the man spends nine months living with that crap. It's a bitch of an experience.

Then, when the precious little bundle of joy is born, it can't do a damn thing for itself. It shits its diaper, pisses all over itself, cries long and loud in the middle of the night and can't tell you what's the matter. YOU have to feed it, YOU have to clean it and YOU have to figure out what's wrong and FIX IT when the banshee howls start at 2:30 in the morning.

You teach the little fuckers to walk and then spend the next ten years yelling, "Sit DOWN! Hold STILL. Come BACK here!" You teach the little fuckers to talk, and you can't shut them up--- EVER again.

Little girls like to scream in a high-pitched voice that will shatter glass. Little boys like to do stupid things and get hurt. If you have a woman-child, buy a set of earplugs to soften those screams. If you have a boy-child, get a good first-aid kit and the phone number for the emergency room of the nearest hospital.

Later, they turn into teenagers and hate your guts for a few years. That's REALLY fun, especially after all the work you've put into raising them. Ungrateful shits.

Still... I wouldn't trade either one of my children for the world. That's flesh of MY flesh and blood of MY blood. That's my one tenuous hold on immortality. My children. I'd go back and do it again tomorrow, even KNOWING what I was getting into.

You'll never feel such overpowering love as when you smell the first breath that your child takes in this world.

Comments

Yeah, well if you'd like *you* can carry them now, apparently......

www.malepregnancy.com

Dunno if this is bs or what...

Posted by: Cythen on October 28, 2004 03:27 PM

AH HA ha haaa....

It's a good thing we find them so cute, or else we would have drowned the little blessings.

I've just gotten my fourth, and I wouldn't change anything for the world.

Posted by: pdwalker on October 28, 2004 10:09 PM

My cousin had her second child last night. Her first child is nine years old.

My cousin has Cystic Fibrosis, and she got a two-lung transplant a few years back. She's the first two-lung transplant recipient to give birth, ever. Heck, she may be the first one ever to get pregnant. I'll spare you the details; suffice to say this is a miracle.

I am just in awe.

Posted by: dipnut on October 29, 2004 03:45 PM

My daughter arrives November 12, assuming no complications... Can't wait for all that ingratitude!

Posted by: Dennis on November 1, 2004 01:13 AM
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