October 22, 2004
what a language
English contains a lot of words that SOUND dirty, even though they aren't. Just roll these words around on your tongue and see if you don't feel dirty and want to brush your teeth afterward.
Ointment. I see that word and I think of pig sex.
Lucrative. I don't know if that's a secretion of bodily fluid or a brand of K-Y Jelly.
Unguent. That sounds like a really bad piece of ass.
Flit. That's a part of the female anatomy, somewhere around that mysterious G-Spot.
Annual. Go visit a urologist. He'll stick a finger up your annual.
Pedantry. If that doesn't sound like a sexual perversion, I don't know what does.
Caliper. That's something nasty that men do to wimmen, but I don't know exactly what it is. I think it involves spurs and a bullwhip.
Hormone. That's a fake orgasm.
Cicada. That's a deadly venereal disease.
Kudzu. That's what leaves a wet spot on the bed after you've performed a caliper.
Ooze. That word is too gross to talk about.
See what happens to me when I get bored?
Lewis Grizzard lives...
Yer good when you're bored.
Unguent sounds more like bad advice from a lawyer. Or is that unctuous?
Hormone: That's what she does when you don't pay her.
How about some funny words? My fav is Doily. Then there are funny things to see, like a dog falling down. Castro falling down was pretty funny too.
What about adjudicate? (adjudicated, adjudication, adjudicater) I know it's a legal term but it makes me snicker just the same.
Seems to me I remember hearing about some guy who got fired for using the word 'pedagogical' in a memo. His boss thought it was something dirty involving kids.
Reminds me of Spessard Holland's famous speech to a rural Florida Panhandle audience: "When my opponent, Mr. Pepper, was a bachelor, he practiced celibacy, and when he was at the University of Florida, he matriculated with the coeds there. And when his wife lived in New York, it is well known that she was a thespian!
BTW, I have been told that it never happened, but it makes a good story anyway.
Ernie... I've heard of that, too, but I think it had something to do with tactics used in some old political race....
*clicks on Snopes*
*clicks on Snopes*
And finds nothing.
Searches google with "celibacy, thespian and matriculate"....
A Small Victory...
I click the link and find whom, Ernie?
Youm, that's whom, saying the same "political tactics" thing I just did, but back in March...
Stevie, you know how these old guys are, telling the same joke over and over....
Gotta go now, left my turn signal running.
That was good. Literally made me laugh out loud...
And, it'll probably make me giggle every time I'm behind someone with their signal on endlessly, now...
(You've just saved untold numbers of lives...)
You left out one of my favorites: Grommet !
Who wants to hold a titular bishopric?