Gut Rumbles
 

September 29, 2004

anal sex

I'm going yoo-hooing off the cliff into deep waters here, and I probably will horrify a few readers, but that never stopped me before and it's not gonna stop me now. I want to say some plain and simple: I have known a few wimmen who really enjoyed anal sex. They had multiple orgasms doing it.

I liked it too, because it was different and kinky, but I never understood it from HER... ummm... point of view?... point of impact... the eroticism of it for HER? I don't know. My brain gets full quickly when I think about these kinds of subjects.

I've had prostate cancer and I've had more fingers, tools and weapons of mass destruction shoved up my ass than I can remember. I DON'T WANT to remember any of it. I didn't find one bit of that stuff erotic. In fact, I HATED every bit of it, and I'm not certain that my pucker-string will EVER be right again. They ruined me. I fear a fart now. It might come with a lump in it.

That biopsy device the doctor uses to take tissue samples looks a lot like a Big Bertha Calloway driver, with the extra-large head. He is kind enough to lube your poop-chute with a generous supply of K-Y Jelly, but that doesn't really help when he shoves that thing up your ass and starts firing it like a shotgun. I almost bit one of my fingers off when I had that done to me. It WAS NOT a pleasant experience.

I am confused. Homosexual men do the same kind of thing for PLEASURE? Sorry, guys. I don't get it. I don't WANT to get it that way. I've HAD IT that way and I didn't like it.

Oh, well... to each his own. And if you're a woman who likes it that way, I'll do you if you want me to. Whatever is your pleasure is my gift.

Just don't buckle up a strap-on and try to return the favor. I've had enough of that.

Comments

WOW just freaking WOW

Posted by: dbltap on September 29, 2004 05:25 PM

I've never tried it, so I can't comment from a personal view. But there's definitely a big difference between sex and having a pap smear. I would imagine the same difference applies to anal sex.

Posted by: Veryalda Relisys on September 29, 2004 05:47 PM

http://www.corporatemofo.com/stories/Afrodite102101.htm

Posted by: Mad Ogre on September 29, 2004 06:00 PM

Shitdamnhell, honesty with muzzle velocity of 3150 f.p.s. One might describe this post as 'gut-wrenching'. Heh.

Based on previous posts of yours, you couldn't possibly be concerned about the ex's lawyer saving posts such as this to read aloud during your court appearances.

Posted by: Mike James on September 29, 2004 06:11 PM

I, for one, think it's just...bad. Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad. You ladies that enjoy can have it. It's NOT a pleasant experience and I NEVER want to do it again. EVER.

*deep sigh*

I'm better now.

Posted by: Gennie on September 29, 2004 06:26 PM

When I'm delivering, Rob, I'm considerate enough to remember the Big Three: lubrication, tequila, and roses. Oh, and the Little Three: cordage, gagball, and blindfold.

Posted by: Velociman on September 29, 2004 06:35 PM

lol.

Posted by: jason on September 29, 2004 08:33 PM

Wow, I picked the right day to visit!

Posted by: Dawn on September 29, 2004 08:37 PM

Rob, my asshole hurts just thinking about it. But I have known many women that loves it. You can tell that a lady really enjoys it, when you fuck her in the blown eye and you keep falling out of her ass, they are the ones that love it, there assholes are bigger than there pussy.. My ass is still hurting, Cat.

Posted by: Catfish on September 29, 2004 08:56 PM

Methinks it's a full moon. You've outdone yourself, my man.

And Mr. Crawford, you crack me up. :-b I now have a better understanding of the old saying "getting lubed" when drinking tequila.

Posted by: tybee mike on September 29, 2004 09:14 PM

I don't get it. I dunno why any man would want to cram his pee-pee into a place where poop comes from. Please restore some sexual normalcy by resuming the red toenail discussions!

Posted by: D.J. M.B. on September 29, 2004 09:15 PM

"He is kind enough to lube your poop-chute with a generous supply of K-Y Jelly, but that doesn't really help when he shoves that thing up your ass and starts firing it like a shotgun."


Holy. Fucking. Shit. Thanks for the belly laugh. F'in classic.

Posted by: rightisright on September 29, 2004 09:37 PM

I'm a "that hole's for exit only" kinda guy. Had this girlfriend one time. Was about 17 or 18 at the time. She wouldn't let me hit the sweet spot. She kept shovin' it in the dumpster.

Probably needles to say, we didn't last long as a "couple". I guess here thinking was, hey, cant get pregnant there!

My thinking was... I wish they'd invent something to lube that spot up. What 17 year old keeps KY in his parents car? Shit, for me it was like sticking it in a cheese grader.

It makes Velocimans comment about the "Big Three" mean all the more. I, personally, could done with the Big 3 minus the Roses. You want Roses, lemme hit the sweet spot....

Posted by: BryanH on September 29, 2004 09:58 PM

BryanH, 'tis a pity I wasn't around to mentor you, because I would have simply told you to do what I did when I was 17, which is to keep a small tube of Vicks Vapo-Rub in the glove compartment, and just say it was handy for clearing your sinuses.

Which is more or less a true statement, if you catch my drift. 'Nuff said.

Posted by: Mike James on September 29, 2004 10:35 PM

Sewer pipe. No thanks.

Posted by: Brett on September 30, 2004 01:34 AM

jeez-weird- hubby has to do an "evacuation" for a medical test tomorrow-and i already told him-aint puttin' a suppository
SP?) up his butt- he can do that hisself--i love him but thats too much-geez the shits gonna be flying tomorrow-

Posted by: mikeymom on September 30, 2004 01:52 AM

jeez-weird- hubby has to do an "evacuation" for a medical test tomorrow-and i already told him-aint puttin' a suppository
SP?) up his butt- he can do that hisself--i love him but thats too much-geez the shits gonna be flying tomorrow-

Posted by: mikeymom on September 30, 2004 01:53 AM

rob-been reading you for quite some time now--love your stuff-but jeez-this is some weird stuff-you been smokin' that jamaica shit again?????

Posted by: mikeymom on September 30, 2004 02:00 AM

Some women, as well as some men, like different things. Not saying I enjoy it, but,,,, have tried it. I once heard (probably from a man) that there is no 'wrong' way to have sex as long as both people like what they are doing.

Posted by: Michele on September 30, 2004 04:53 AM

"Don't knock it til you've tried it."
Having lived by that adage for all of my life, I feel qualified to say "Nofuckingthankyouverymuch".

There's not enough KY in the world.

Posted by: Chablis on September 30, 2004 10:37 AM

Rob, your mind never ceases to amaze me!

A friend and really great lover once told me that "as long as we both are enjoying ourselves...that's all that matters" and i agree.
Different strokes for different folks. ;)

Posted by: Angie on September 30, 2004 03:17 PM

All right. That's it.

Gotta slap Gut Rumbles up on th' old blogroll. I'm still pissin' myself laughing.

Posted by: Steve on September 30, 2004 03:21 PM

Hey, guys - I gotta tell you, this can be an awesome experience, both as giver AND receiver.

I know it isn't for everyone, but there's nothing quite like a prostate massage from your woman. Let go of your macho inhibitions and give it a try. It may very well turn HER on too...

Posted by: Frank on October 1, 2004 12:08 AM

lok, your mind never ceases to amaze me!

A friend and really great lover once told me that "as long as we both are enjoying ourselves...that's all that matters" and i agree.
Different strokes for different folks
greetz

Posted by: Blondinen Sex on June 22, 2007 10:22 AM

wow? are you serious your a pig!....

Posted by: travis on September 20, 2009 06:44 PM
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