September 27, 2004
i fucked up
Looking back on the very colorful tapestry of my life, I can say, with full assurance that I am correct, that I fucked up a few times. Of course, if you tell me that YOU never fucked up, I'll call you a goddam liar. If you've lived an interesting life, you've fucked up before. That fact is a given.
Ya gotta jump, head-first, whoo-hooing all the way, into deep water sometimes if you have a sense of adventure.
I DO think about some of my most glorious fuck ups and wonder NOW why I did that crap at the time. Trust me... it seemed perfectly logical or at least REASONABLE when I did it. Hindsight carries a very high "oh, shit!" quotient with it, but you're not blessed with hindsight when you go flying off that cliff making whoo-hoo noises all the way down. You just do it.
I don't know what's gotten into me lately. I'm dwelling on existential thoughts, wondering about the true meaning of life and pondering my squandered youth. (That's a fucking LIE! I didn't "squander" my youth. I may have mis-spent it, but I enjoyed the hell out of blowing my fortune! I would go back and do it again tomorrow.) Anyway, I blew some wonderful opportunities that I regret today. I did some things that I wish I hadn't done.
I fucked up. But I have some damn good memories.
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