Gut Rumbles

September 27, 2004

chewing gum

I'll admit that I like to chew gum sometimes. I started doing it when my company regulated smoking into designated areas for the health of all employees. It was okay for everybody to breathe chlorine gas, sulfur dioxide, sulfur trioxide, HCL fumes, carbon monoxide, digestor gases, hydrogen sulfide and TiCl4 clouds, but that second-hand smoke in a 20 MPH wind off the Savannah River was a real bitch that needed to be taken care of.

I was chewing gum the day they fired retired me. I almost blew a bubble and spat it at the plant manager at the time. I lost all respect for everybody in upper management that day. Nutless fucking wonders.

But, I digress.

I saw a good-looking young girl in the grocery store Saturday as I was laying in some tropical storm supplies (Beer and cigarettes) on my way back from River Street. She was popping, chewing and rolling a piece of gum in her mouth and she reminded me of a cow. This was a PRETTY GIRL, but she presented the most un-sexy, dumb-ass, bovine image of herself that she possibly could have projected, at least to me.

Young girls--- take an old man's advice. Chewing gum does NOT make you look sexy. It makes you look like a self-absorbed bitch.


I used to waitress and I was always telling this one younger girl to spit out her gum..bugged the overlovin' crap out of night she got it all tangled up in her hair while waiting on a customer...the fan blew hair in her face and when she went to blow the gum popped out...the rest of us gals laughed so hard we nearly peed our pants..the gum chewer cried......

Posted by: sandy on September 27, 2004 10:19 AM

I don't mind gum-chewing among service personnel as long as it's done quietly. But gum popping on the part of a waitress or clerk in a store would be a firing offense in my book, the EEOC be damned.

Posted by: rivlax on September 27, 2004 11:16 AM

My visceral reaction to gum chewing is split along gender lines.

When I see a man chewing gum I think, "Ignorant idiot." When I see a woman chewing gum, I think "cheap whore."


Posted by: LamontCranston on September 27, 2004 03:53 PM

The gum chewing girl,
The cud chewing cow...
There's a difference between them,
But I can't see it right now.
Oh, but wait... It is clear to me now,
It's the thoughtful expression
On the face of the cow!

Posted by: Bob on September 27, 2004 04:36 PM

RIVLAX....good thing you weren't any of our bosses' than...I mean I was being kinda funny earlier but how many girls do you see lining up waiting outside a restaurant to become a fucking wanna fire someone cuz they chew gum..I'll admit it looks horrid but I'd never cut a gal her bread and butter cuz she chewed some Hubba Bubba on the job..I'd love to see you in action, I'd bet I could come up with 10 reasons to fire your ass think wait staff chewing gum brings some sanitary flaws to your dinner..Bullshit....takes an ass like you to make a funny story into something so politically correct that as in my grannys words.."makes my ass want to suck a lemon"...jesus chrsit's some advice..EAT AT HOME.

Posted by: Sandy on September 27, 2004 05:40 PM

Think about this? If she was working on that gum, then what do you think, she could do to a dick?

Posted by: Catfish on September 27, 2004 05:56 PM

When i see a female chewing its just so fuckin sexy to me.

Posted by: Malcom on February 1, 2005 08:12 PM
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