Gut Rumbles

September 23, 2004

Old age

I'm 52 years old and I hang around with people who are my age or older. I'll occasionally meet a young chicita who is attracted to a gray silver-haired man, and that's fun while it lasts, but those occasions are becoming fewer and farther between. That's okay with me. I'm becoming reconciled to being old.

When I was a young man, I enjoyed waking up in the morning with a woman in my bed. My first thought was to jump her bones again, morning mouths and all, before either one of us took a shower, right there in the sheets we tangled the night before. That's a great way to greet the day. Puts a good spin on your attitude.

Now, I wake up and hope that she doesn't want an encore. I agree with my friend Catfish: pussy is stronger than it used to be. I once wanted it all the time--- now a little bit lasts for quite a while. I don't believe that I'll ever stop chasing it, but I don't run nearly as fast in pursuit as I once did. I hate to admit it, but it's true. I would rather watch a good football game than lay a woman I really didn't want to sleep with, and I have a $38,000 bionic dick. Priorities change throughout life.

My friends and I compare maladies the way kids do Pokeman Cards. "Oh, yeah? You think YOUR back is fucked up? Let me tell you about MINE!" We all creak and groan, bitch and moan, and NOT ONE OF US wants to be old. But we are.

Mickey Mantle said, "If I'd have known I was gonna live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself." I call bullshit. I've lived my life full-tilt and head-on. I've had joyous times and abject misery. I have things that I wish I could go back and change and days that I wish I could live over again.

All in all, I've lived a good life. I have many good stories to tell. You know what really bothers me about growing old? I can't do what I really want to do anymore because my body won't do it. That's okay for people who WANT to grow old, but I don't. I have a severe character flaw.

I never lost my sense of adventure.


Yup, it sucks, don't it.

And I'm not even old.

Posted by: a broad on September 23, 2004 10:10 PM

Mickey Mantle also said "This fucking whiskey is GREAT! I might have to harvest Maris' liver tomorrow."

Posted by: Velociman on September 23, 2004 10:23 PM

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Live fast, die young, and leave a good looking corpse. But I want to watch my girls grow up. I think I'll stick around for another 20 years at least.

Posted by: Ralph Gizzip on September 23, 2004 10:46 PM

You think 52 is bad? Try 66.

My recommendation. Be glad you got all you could when you could.


Posted by: Poker Player (aka Jim) on September 23, 2004 10:48 PM

Rob, you have permission to use my line when dealing with young ticas (or any other young women).

"I'm not old, I'm well seasoned". :)

Posted by: Stan on September 23, 2004 11:29 PM

NEVER become reconciled to being old! I see my parents doing that and they're only 67 years old.....but they just seem like they've dryed up and are done with living.
Live every day, and do not for one minute give in to being old! The minute you become reconciled to being old is the moment you become old.....and then you might as well be dead!

Posted by: DogsDon'tPurr on September 24, 2004 01:16 AM

hey sweetie, i'm a year older than you and i don't think i'm old!! i plan on living every day to the limit until i die. my kids don't need to look forward to a big inheritance, coz i'm enjoying it while i'm here!

Posted by: Michele on September 24, 2004 05:07 AM

From one old one to another"My mind still writes checks,my body no longer can cash"
The end of a perfect life,My last check bounces,the day I die.

Posted by: Airboss on September 24, 2004 07:22 AM

I blew a kneecap riding a motorcycle when I was a young dickhead, crippled me for a year.
Moaned about it for years, then decided that I was bitching about my loss of "life's lottery" worse than the average coffin dodger, and took up motorcycle road racing again.
I am the 2002 500cc trophy winner in my state (at 54 years old.)
Yes, it hurts, yes, it's crazy, yes, I need my head read.
Would I do it again?
Shit yes.
Keep that sense of adventure,A-man, there are no limits, only in the mind.

Posted by: Henry Blowfly on September 24, 2004 11:25 AM

Only a couple years behind you, hit the mid century mark next May. And yeah, I wish I had the stamina and more importantly the drive, to do the things I used to. But your *defect* is anything but....may you never lose that sense of adventure. It keeps the mind sharp..the eye keen, and makes one want to continue sampling what life has to offer (even if it is not as often as we once used to). Hell, my Uncle Ed took up SCUBA diving at 55, and loved it. Your writing is well seasoned with your adventurous outlook on life...and would be unbearably bland without same.

Ye old squid, too far north of Dixie.

Posted by: Guy S. on September 24, 2004 05:01 PM

52 is not old. I am 58, and gave up playing soccer about 4 years ago when I hurt my knee.

This summer I hiked Cadillac mountain and rode trail bikes all over the mountain carriage road at Bar Harbor.

I don't belong to a gym.

I don't smoke and I keep my weight down. That is my entire fitness program.

I think you are confusing abuse with age. My father was old when he was 55. He smoked, drank, and ate lots of fatty food, all normal for his era. At 60 he got a health scare, quit smoking, and lived into his 80's without physical complaints and died in his sleep.

Since you are going to live to be about 80, on the average, I strongly suggest you change your attitude about aging, quit smoking, exersize modestly, and start enjoying your body again.

Forget the babes. Trying to impress women has been the downfall of many men. Think about what you are doing ("Hey, let me fertilize one of your eggs!") and you might be embarrassed. Despite the makeup, most of these gals have popped their last egg. (Some English writer penned this thought: Get thee to my ladies chamber, and tell her, though she paint her face an inch thick, yet to this favor she must come.)

I believe it was a Greek philosopher who was asked if he regreted losing his sex drive as he got older. He replied that it was like being a slave freed from a harsh master.

Posted by: joel on September 25, 2004 02:20 PM

I must of missed something, what's a $38K bionic dick?

Posted by: MM on September 29, 2004 07:11 PM
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