Gut Rumbles

September 07, 2004

stupid things

There's an old saying Down South that what SHOULD be inscribed on many a headstone in the cemetary is "Hold my beer and watch THIS!" I posted the email about the guy trying a taser on himself because I thought it was a good story. I don't BELIEVE it, but it was good for a laugh anyway.

I have NEVER seldom done dumb things in my life. Okay... maybe I HAVE done a few dumb things. Now that I think about it, I done a LOT of dumb things in my life.

I won't chronicle them here, but I'll bet you a beer. MY dumbass story can top YOUR dumbass story, and I don't care what you did. I did worse.

Trust me.


I enjoyed a cop that shot himself in the leg at a restaurant here. He was bitching about how his new gun had a "hair trigger" and he was afraid it would go off if he just so much as slapped it. And he did. And it did. Nice little flesh wound down his right calf. Cleared out the resaurant too. I was laughing so hard, I was one of the last to leave.
Another time, a friend of mine didn't believe "pepper spray" was at all effective. So he tried it. It was.
I'll e-mail you another that got VERY frightening.

Posted by: Wichi Dude on September 7, 2004 06:16 PM

I have had a similar instance with pepper spray. The meter man had come to check the meter and my dog caught him in the yard. He ran up, barking and yapping like there was no tommorow and in response, the meter man shot my dog with pepper-spray. Thankfully, my dog only got some in the fur, but later on in the day, I was reading a book and absent-mindedly petted my dog. I then rubbed my eye. Within thirty seconds, the eye started burning and watering. After about a minute it started to hurt like all get out. After five minutes, the swearing started. During this time, the eye was so blurred I suppose you could say it was blinded. After 10 minutes, I sucked it up and put a wet cloth on it, which did jack-shit. After about thirty more minutes the pain receded, but man oh man, NEVER doubt the effectiveness of pepper-spray.

Posted by: Chris on September 7, 2004 07:14 PM

My friends dad was Chief of Police in our hometown. He received a few stun guns as "testers". Welp, my best buddie got a hold of one of them and brought it to a party. Let's say the line of drunks wanting to be stunned was not short.... even after witnessing the first guy who got fried.

In college, we used play "Gas Chamber" with pepperspray. We went into the bathroom, sat in the tub and got shot with the spray. The one who could last the longest without turning on the shower, won the prize. The prize was being biggest dumbass at the party.

Please note, I never participated in either of these games. *cough* cough*

Or how about the time we got (stole) a bunch of heavy copper wire from a local job site. Shit, it was worth $1 a pound (or something like that) at the local scrap yard. We probably had 500-600 pounds of it. That is a shit load of beer money.

The only problem was it was covered in thick plastic or whatever they use for the heavy power lines. So we decide to burn it off. Put it in a 55 gallon drum, pour in gas and let it go. Yeeeehaww. Fire starts up OK. But it gets a little low after about 10 minutes. Genius friend throws the remaining 2 gallons or so from a 5 gallon can on the burning fire. Can catches on fire. Friend kicks can into lake. Flaming gas goes flying on to two other friends. Luckily, it is late fall and other friends have on thick flannel shirts. Other friends decide to join flaming gas can in lake. End of party.

Posted by: rightisright on September 7, 2004 09:30 PM

". . . but I'll bet you a beer. MY dumbass story can top YOUR dumbass story, and I don't care what you did. I did worse."

Next x-country trip, stop on by AZ. We'll sit on the porch, watch the clouds and mountains, and swap stories. I think it might be a tie. Then again, after a few brews and a lotta laughs, who's keeping score ?

Posted by: Dan Pursel on September 7, 2004 10:15 PM

No thanks, there are some things I would prefer not to discuss with the living.

Posted by: James Old Guy on September 8, 2004 09:43 AM
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