Gut Rumbles

September 06, 2004

faking orgasms

Recondo 32 and his lovely wife Georgia came over yesterday to spend the night at the Crackerbox, eat chili dogs and drink up all of my beer. I don't remember how we got on the topic, but I mentioned something about fake orgasms.

I said that I could fake an orgasm now as well as any woman. Georgia was outraged. "I never faked one in my life," she announced indignantly. "I don't know why anybody would want to fake one. But I could tell if a man did... even YOU, Smith."

"She probably can, Rob. She knows when I fake sex with her," Recondo said. "That when I tell her that I'm going to jump her bones and I don't. I by-pass that whole fake orgasm thing."

I bet her that she couldn't tell, but I didn't get the chance to really...DEMONSTRATE my acting ability. You see... I don't ejaculate anymore, thanks to having a lot of my natural plumbing removed, so I leave no evidence of an actual male orgasm. So, I did all the vocals and the facial expressions of a really good, porno-movie cum-shot while sitting on my couch. Then I asked Georgia, "What did you think of THAT?"

"It was fake. Obviously fake."

"OF COURSE it was fake. I told you ahead of time that I was going to fake one. But if you and I were tangling the sheets and I did that, I'll guarantee you that you'd believe me."

"I could tell. I just KNOW that I could tell."

Men can't. Why should wimmen be any more perceptive?


I can tell when my girl oprgasms, she quivers inside, I am sure that is somthing they can't fake .. but at least Iknow I still get off even if she is fakin. lol

Posted by: bill on September 6, 2004 08:19 PM

Bill--most of us can fake the quiver, too. Those Kegel exercises do wonders for internal control. Thankfully, some of us don't have to fake it.

But in answer to Acidman's question about women being more perceptive than men--absent the "spurt", which is the dead giveaway of the male climax, I doubt we are. In a pinch, a good bit of moaning and shouting should suffice for us just as it does for y'all.

Posted by: Amy on September 6, 2004 08:34 PM

I refuse to fake it. If he won't give me a real one, I make him do it over till he gets it right. No Mulligans on this hole.

Posted by: Mamamontezz on September 6, 2004 09:46 PM

Amy, right on, girl. The fake quiver has helped me with the faked orgasm quite a few times. If I'm drunk, or tired and just don't want to put any effort into it...THAT's when I break out the fake quiver.

The response that I get is always, "Man, I'm so glad you had a good time!" Yeah, right.

Posted by: tiff on September 6, 2004 11:23 PM

Women who fake it have no right to bitch when they don't get satisfied.
I agree with Mamamontezz: No mulligans!
I don't mind trying again... repeatedly... with instructions... at the end of a riding crop if need be ;)

Posted by: Graumagus on September 6, 2004 11:47 PM

Guy's do sometimes fake it when we feel ourselves starting to pass out. We're better at it too, because we don't ham it up so much. Please lady, it's just a penis. Faking does imply that for some reason, you don't -want- an orgasm.

Posted by: Dave Munger on September 7, 2004 01:10 AM
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