Gut Rumbles

September 05, 2004

in a pissy mood

I get this way sometimes. Things that I should ignore just PISS ME OFF on days such as this one. I started yesterday when a group of evangelicals knocked on the door wanting to bring the Word Of God into my life. I sent them scuttling with a blast of profanity that would have impressed a drunken sailor. I didn't wave a gun at them, but I was about to.

I shouldn't have done that, because it was rude behavior on my part, but it was MY goddam door and I was watching football at the time. Unless God could score a touchdown for my beloved Georgia Bulldogs, I didn't need any back-pack-wearing, apple-eyed pie-hole coming to preach at me.

I'll tell you what else I don't need. I don't need anybody doing anything for "my own good." I'll either run my own life or fuck it up all by myself. I am a grown man. I don't need or WANT your "help." Just go away and leave me alone. If I end up in the gutter, that is the result of MY choices.

I can live with that.


Ahh yes...the door to door religion salesperson...the oldest form of spammer on the face of the earth.

I caught a group of them in my building a few months ago, leaving their booklets all over the hallways. I gathered up everything, followed them over to the next building and dumped it all at their feet while telling them exactly what I think about their practices and threatening to have them arrested for littering as well as solicitation like the whores of God they are.

I probably went overboard with the 'whores' bit...

Posted by: Chablis on September 5, 2004 10:54 AM

Congrats on your Dawgs, though. Nice win.

Posted by: caltechgirl on September 5, 2004 11:13 AM

Hear hear!

No one has caused the world so much trouble as social reformers, be they intellectuals or proselytizers.

Posted by: Brett on September 5, 2004 11:23 AM

Answering the door with a half burned cigarette dangling from your lips, a smear of lipstick on your chest, nothing on bit a pair of skivvies or a towel, and holding a can of beer will generally send them packing, too. Especially if you have a bad case of "bed head" hair.

Posted by: Mamamontezz on September 5, 2004 11:24 AM

When I see them coming, I take off my clothes and open the door, they get the HELL, down my drive way. I hate those cocksuckers.

Posted by: Catfish on September 5, 2004 12:03 PM

I imagine that makes for an interesting "meet and greet" on your porch, LOL. Do that for politicians too, Catfish? Cause if you do, you might have ladies from all over the blogs showing up at your door with clipboards in hand and Nader buttons pinned to their half-open blouses just for effect.

Posted by: Mamamontezz on September 5, 2004 01:59 PM

Should have said, "But my brothers, AH AM SAVED!!" And then told them about the fearsome harlot that cheated, worships the golden calf, and cannot get enough of your money, and that's why you can't give them any. Then give them your ex wife's address. I'm sure she'd love them at her heels.

Posted by: Cythen on September 5, 2004 03:45 PM

"Especially if you have a bad case of "bed head" hair."
Aaah, one of my female friends calls that hair-style: "freshly-fucked".
Your version certainly works better in polite society. {:^)

Posted by: Dan Pursel on September 5, 2004 03:57 PM

My less aggressive method works every time. Whatever "religion" they represent, they don't "want no truck" with demons. I always say right off the bat that I'm Wiccan!!

Posted by: Indigo on September 5, 2004 05:32 PM

Use the Mr. Lion method. Invite them in, sit down at the nearest table, and calmly begin disassembling and cleaning a firearm, preferably with another nearby.

They'll never, ever return.

Posted by: Mr. Lion on September 5, 2004 05:38 PM

What Mamamantozz said,except no ginch or towel,and the lipstick smear(REAL bright red or pink) should be in another strategic area.Just a thought.

Posted by: big al on September 5, 2004 08:29 PM

That works too, Big Al. Even for us ladies!

Posted by: Mamamontezz on September 5, 2004 08:45 PM

Acidman, your bitterness sounds like a cry for affection.

Even Charleton Heston needs a hug from another man sometimes...

Posted by: ET on September 5, 2004 10:36 PM

Acidman, your bitterness sounds like a cry for affection.

Even Charleton Heston needs a hug from another man sometimes...

Now this I want to see!

Okay, fellas, GroupHug!!! Everyone line up, or is the Daisy-Chain configuration more condusive?

Posted by: Mamamontezz on September 6, 2004 09:15 AM

That's disgusting.

Posted by: Beth on September 6, 2004 10:33 AM

What specifically, Beth, was disgusting? The lipstick smear, bed-head, nudity, skivvies, cursing, or the Daisy Chain?

At least I didn't suggest a "reach-around."

Posted by: Mamamontezz on September 6, 2004 11:43 AM

I think Beth finds anything other people might enjoy, disgusting.

Posted by: McGehee on September 6, 2004 01:36 PM

Beth, your bitterness sounds like a cry for affection. . .

Posted by: ET on September 7, 2004 12:03 AM
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