Gut Rumbles

August 26, 2004

she asked for it

Can you imagine the public outcry if this idea were even SUGGESTED as a serious proposal? Not that I think it's a bad idea, but I know my country. I have more WISDOM than that young whippersnapper.

Basic requirements for transfer into co-ed prison:
1. No one who has been found guilty of murder or sex crimes is eligible.

DISCRIMINATION!!! VIOLATION OF THE ADA!!! Oh, shit!!! Here come the lawyers like a thundering army of Visigoths!!!

2. All transferees must work for a minimum of forty hours per week in order to offset prison expenses. (Accommodations are a little nicer here.)

SLAVERY!!! PRISONER ABUSE!!! Oh, shit! Here come the lawyers like a thundering herd of... lawyers.

3. Although measures will be taken in an attempt to prevent such occurrences, all transferees must sign a disclosure statement acknowledging risks of rape or brutality. This provides immunity only for the prison, not the violator, who will be banned from co-ed Eden.

Oh, shit!!! Here come the lawyers like a thundering herd of dung-beetles!!! That contract don't mean crap and my client is gonna sue the pants off you for making her sign it!!!

4. All transferees must become permanently, surgically sterilized. No exceptions. There will be no babies conceived in this prison, nor will prisoners be procreating once released.

BWHAHAHAHAAAA! Darlin,' if you ever seriously talk "sterilization" in PRISONS, get ready for Jesse Jackson to descend on you like a squawking, shitting seagull. THAT will certainly become a racial issue because 12% of our population makes up 49% of the prison population. STERELIZING BLACK MEN!!! That's a problem. The fact that so many of them are in jail is just something we don't talk about.

I'm not saying you have a bad idea. But it's far too politically incorrect to EVER be realized.


The only thing I disagree with is the forced sterilization.

The waiver of liability for rape is a bit over the top considering that the prison has some responsibility to keep the peace and to protect the prisoners. Besides, how many rape law suits are there going on now for rapes that occur in prison?

The problem with the forced sterilization is that these guys are NOT murderers and rapists. So, how many are going to be doing life sentences -- VERY few.

Forced sterilization for a white collar criminal/minor drug offender/etc so that he/she can stay at co-ed prison is stupid. Nobody would do it.

Maybe you might have a few lifers on their third strike....but.

Just one in the herd of lawyers....

Posted by: Mannaz on August 26, 2004 05:34 PM

Now you've probably got Oliver Willis all in a tizzy.

I hope you're happy.

Anyway, so long as this would be strictly voluntary, the sterilization clause wouldn't bother me at all if it was a plainly disclosed term of the contract.

But I happen to agree with Rob; there are too many scum-sucking lawyers (lol redundancy lol) who would fuck this up far prior to its commencement. Even with the racial aspect disregarded, you'll have scores of released prisoners crying about their being "coerced" into sterilization and now, due to the emotional devastation from being unable to have children, they'll need at least $456 million just to soothe the pain.

With the cockroa-- er, lawyers absent, however, it'd be an interesting idea.

Posted by: D.J. M.B. on August 26, 2004 05:58 PM

The 'co-ed prison' proposal is one of those ideas on par with requiring all people to have LICENSES before they can have children. It sounds so good and makes so much sense on paper there's no way it could fail...until one factors in human nature.

Drug Prohibition, "universal" Health Care, women in combat, housing projects, gay marriage and the Superfund all look(ed) great on paper and all have been (or will be) costly disasters, both in money wasted and lives ruined.

On the other hand, there is a very good chance something like this bizarre, unworkable prison plan could be passed.

With reason on the outs and common sense void where prohibited, America 2004 is so fucked up that just about any zany, unproven social experiment can be made law without debate.

All it takes is a camera crew, three "experts," a Sharpton-like gift for rhetoric and a solid bloc of victims, in this case, prisoners.

At no time in the history of the world has stupidity and short-sightedness had such firepower behind it.

Posted by: horse with no-- on August 26, 2004 08:17 PM

Uh--what are the benefits to this proposal?

Co-ed WORKPLACES are almost unworkable, already.

Posted by: Brett on August 27, 2004 09:10 AM

Anyone who doesn't get the incentive to the prisoner doesn't have my libido.

If I was facing five years of abstinence vs. a tubal, I'd take the latter.

It'd still be as structured as any other prison, you'd just get to pick your roomie.

Posted by: Key on August 27, 2004 10:07 AM

Oh, and Acidman, I'm well aware that it would never fly; my blog is my fantasy land. ; )

Posted by: Key on August 27, 2004 10:08 AM

If I go to jail, will YOU be my roomie, Key? I might be willing to rob a bank for that opportunity.

Posted by: Acidman on August 27, 2004 12:43 PM
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