Gut Rumbles
 

August 18, 2004

recondo 32 and I

Rick was raised in the small mill-town of Clinton, South Carolina, just south of Spartanburg. He and I have a lot of things in common, because a mill-town isn't much different from a coal mining camp. You either worked in the mill or you SOLD THINGS to millworkers, the same way you either worked in the coal mine or sold things to coal miners. That's where all the money came from.

Rick and I are adventurous eaters. We like to be in the middle of nowhere and see a small diner on the side of the road. If there are three cars in the parking lot, we figure that they aren't poisoning people left and right, so we stop to get a meal.

Sometimes that's good, and sometimes it's not so good. Sometimes we've stopped at a little hole-in-the-wall that served food just like Grandma used to cook. We made good ole, Southern grunting noises while eating that food, sopping up gravy with fresh cornbread and cleaning our plates. We left big tips for the waitress, too, who kept our glasses of iced tea full while we ate. That was good stuff.

Other times, we knew that the cook was opening boxes of Swanson frozen dinners and making no effort whatsoever to season them. That was a lot like eating cardboard, but we still tipped the waitress if she kept our tea glasses full. When you stop to eat at those kind of places, you may hit bingo or you may go bust, but you KNEW the job was dangerous when you took it.

Somebody posted some absolute blasphemy in my comments about iced tea. FUCK YOU!!! Ya can't GET decent iced tea out west or up north. Those fucking yankees don't know how to make it. When we hit Lexington, Kentucky, on our way back home, Recondo started his usual droning about how backward Kentucky was until we went out to eat. Then, he took one sip of his iced tea (which was served in a semi-BUCKET, the way tea is meant to be served) and he said, "Sweet Jesus. I'm back down South again."

If you're a Southerner, you know what I'm saying. If you DON'T KNOW, go piss up a rope, you yankee fuckwit.

Comments

My Yankee Iced Tea will kick your Iced Tea's ass and call it names afterwards.

And yes, it's sweetened, and served so cold it'll freeze your tongue.

Posted by: Mr. Lion on August 18, 2004 02:58 PM

BTW: Does this oft-mentioned Recondo actually have a Website of his own? If not, why not?

Posted by: Bill Dennis on August 18, 2004 03:48 PM

What about a yankee that has lived in the south her whole life??? I was born in Harvard, MA. I'm about as yankee as you can get, but damn I know how to make some ice tea now! So please don't knock all yankees. Alright???

Posted by: Swt GA HunnyB on August 18, 2004 03:50 PM

You know, just about the best sweet tea I ever had was at the Hilton Hotel in Atlanta. It was like nectar. I've never found any as good anywhere since.

Not too sweet. Just sweet enough. Not cloudy. Clear as could be. It was as pretty to look at as it was to sip. And forget the straw. That cold glass against your lower lip is half the experience.

Posted by: Mamamontezz on August 18, 2004 05:12 PM

And I'm worse than a Yankee. I'm a Hoosier. By way of Virginia, Tennesee, and Kentucky all before 1850. And let me tell you, some of that stuff never wears off the family tree.

Posted by: Mamamontezz on August 18, 2004 05:13 PM

sweet tea is for pussies. I don't think anything worth a damn ever came out of Kentucky. Maybe Colonel Sanders

Posted by: michael on August 18, 2004 05:50 PM

Let's see... tea bags, water, sugar, ice and a lemon slice. Almost as complicated as the Manhattan Project.

By the way, give me a call when you hicks learn how to make a NYC pizza that doesn't taste like an undercooked frisbee. Don't even get me started on the Philly Cheese Steak.

Posted by: rightisright on August 18, 2004 05:52 PM

Hey, don't listen to any of these people, they don't know what they're talking about. Iced tea down in the south is the greatest form of non-alcholic beverage in the world.

Posted by: Chris on August 18, 2004 06:07 PM

I still see progress. You can actually order "tea" now just about anywhere and get iced tea. On those rare forays into Yankeeland as a kid an order of "tea" would get you something a Chinaman or an Englishman would drink: like coffee, only pussier.

Posted by: Velociman on August 18, 2004 06:14 PM

Best iced tea I had was in Tx....and we had the best NY pizza too, as the fella who owned the place I managed was from NYC and knew what a pizza should be.

As far as Philly Cheesesteak goes....what a great thing to franchise.....one of gods greatest gifts to man.

Posted by: Guy S. on August 18, 2004 06:26 PM

See my post at Old Weird Ward for the definitive definition of Good Iced Tea. I was going to post it here, but it's a long diatribe.

Posted by: Ward Gerlach on August 18, 2004 07:04 PM

Nothing pisses me off worse when I ask for sweet tea than when the server says, "You mean Raspberry?" then looks at you with a clueless bovine expression. God help us there are people that don't even know what sweet tea is...

Posted by: Dennis P. on August 18, 2004 08:27 PM

Ice tea = piss water for the poor.

Posted by: Drumwaster on August 18, 2004 10:38 PM

I believe Michael has forgotten about Ashley Judd. If that ain't worth a damn, I don't know what is.

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