Gut Rumbles

August 16, 2004

i need a date

Who wants to go with me to the Jawja Blog meet? If I don't have someone on my arm to keep me company, I may get my ass whipped for molesting somebody else's wife. I know how I get sometimes around pretty wimmen with red toenails. And some of the guys there carry firearms. I could get killed.

Do you want to see me dead? If you DO, just call my ex-wife and talk to her sympathetic ear. If NOT, send me an email. I'll pay for all transportation, food and lodging. You don't even have to sleep with me. (but you MUST tell everyone that I was GREAT in bed--- especially the other wimmen when you gals get together to compare notes.)

That's not much to ask.


I would love to go! I am a very pretty woman with red toenails and I can Lie like hell (about the good in bed part) although I'm sure I wouldnt have to.... I just don't think my husband would approve of the trip. Maybe next lifetime.

Posted by: amy on August 16, 2004 10:56 AM

Yeah, I'm sure they'll be lining up after the way you treated the last sucker who travelled with you.

Posted by: Wobby on August 16, 2004 10:58 AM

I treated her well and even bought her a fiddle, Wobby. SHE'S the one who threw my camera in the ocean and nutted-up after she got back home.

Yeah, that one was a mistake.

But YOU can kiss my ass.

Posted by: Acidman on August 16, 2004 02:04 PM

I am available! It does not conflict with my resignation date. Love and kisses, Jim

Posted by: Jim McGreevey on August 16, 2004 04:44 PM

If I had the time, I'd join you. I still have an un-punched, signed "Permission slip" from the spousal unit. But, as noted elsewhere today, I snore like a jackhammer. And you like those spinners. I'm hardly a spinner.

*sigh* And your photo was so very "inspiring" too. Bet those muscular legs give that fine ass lots of leverage and drive.

Anyway, I know how you crackers feel about hoosiers. It's an insult down there, if I remember correctly.

Posted by: Mamamontezz on August 16, 2004 08:11 PM

Rob, your date's been arranged, and should arrive via UPS in time for the blogfest.

Just remember not to over-inflate her this time, and for damn sure remember to take the patch kit along with you.

Oh, and I'd advise against using laquer when you paint her toenails red.... not compatable with PVC y'know.

Just doing my part for a friend....

Sloop New Dawn
Galveston, TX

Posted by: Jim on August 16, 2004 09:10 PM

Hmmm Red toenails? check. Woman? check Willing to "lie" and tell "tall tales"? check
When do we leave?

Posted by: Angie on August 16, 2004 10:44 PM

You forgot once last piece of advice about his date...

Per: Jeff Foxworthy, ya may wanna keep her well away from fireplaces and hot embers too. (And half-blind Grandpa's... lol)

(Which reminds me of a joke about a guy who'd never been laid, so his friends set up a rubber love doll for him in his bed one day. They sent him in there with her and it being his first time, he was all impressed with how beautiful she was, hair all splayed out across the pillow and all and dove into bed with her. He wasn't gone very long and when he returned to his friends no more than 10 minutes later, looking puzzled and disappointed, they asked what happened...

"I don't know, fellas. I go in, there she is, I jump in bed with her, start cuddling up to her and when I bit her neck, she farted twice and flew out the window...")

Posted by: Stevie on August 17, 2004 04:40 AM

bloody hell, if you weren't half a world away, i'm jump on that offer like a SHOT.

have a great time!

Posted by: fiona on August 17, 2004 11:36 AM

She threw your camera in the ocean? Thats cold.

If someone threw MY camera in the ocean, the local police would be investigating a homicide.

Posted by: Ruth on August 18, 2004 08:30 PM

Cold. Really cold. What gets into women?

Posted by: Mamamontezz on August 19, 2004 01:31 AM

Home Additions

Posted by: Anyone know about room additions? on December 24, 2004 09:58 PM
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