Gut Rumbles

August 14, 2004

existential thinking

I just watched the movie Cold Mountain on pay per view. I enjoyed the movie, but I thought that it missed the entire point of the book. I read that novel at Blood Mountain Cabins about one year before my divorce. All of my English Major instincts kicked in and I saw the novel as an allegorical tale about one thing: is it better to have known joy for a few moments and lose it than to never know joy at all? Is it worth a long, arduous trek to get something that you cannot hold on to?

I wrestled with that question for a while, until I had the boom lowered on me, and I KNOW the answer now. It's better to NEVER know joy than to have it taken away from you. You don't miss what you never had, but heartbreak is one motherfucker that lasts forever. Yeah, I've BEEN to Cold Mountain, and I'll never recover from that experience.

I wish that I could simply turn my back, walk away and forget about it, but I can't. Too much shit got crammed into that sock. I invested MYSELF in that relationship and brought a son into it, too. I bought the wrong stock, but that realization NOW doesn't make me feel any better. It still hurts.

If I could pick ONE SINGLE MOMENT in my life to live over again, it would be the moment when Jennifer gave me her phone number. I would throw that sumbitch away knowing what I know now. But I didn't at the time, and I ended up on Cold Mountain.

I fucked myself.


What about your son? Would the non-existance of Quinton be a price you'd be willing to pay to have never started things with the BC?

Posted by: Jim Gwyn on August 14, 2004 10:11 PM

The question is, would another son with a good woman be worth not having Quinton. I think the answer there is 'Yes'.

Not for the sake of Rob, but for the sake of Quinton.

Posted by: Scott on August 15, 2004 02:54 AM

Quinton is my only son and I love him tremendously. But having him with the woman I did was a terrible mistake. I can love my boy and still admit that fact.

Posted by: Acidman on August 15, 2004 08:21 AM

You nailed it, Acidman.
Put your emotions out there on display and some asshole will kick them down the drain.
Human nature.

Stay strong, it doesn't last forever.

Posted by: Henry Blowfly on August 15, 2004 09:58 AM


Someday you and Quinton will be sitting on the porch drinking beer , telling lies and having a great time. The Ex-wifebitchfromhell won't be a part of that.

Someday you'll be able to say her name without reflexively covering your balls.

Stay strong, stand proud.

Posted by: Hoozyrdady on August 16, 2004 12:50 PM
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