Gut Rumbles
 

July 19, 2004

a barking lizard

I have a barking lizard in my bedroom.

I heard the sumbitch crank up my first night at the hotel. I was lying in bed watching an episide of Deep Space Nine in Spanish. (Hey, julliette--- if you think Cisco sounds like a macho dude in English, you ought to hear him in Espanol. I think they got the Spanish James Earl Jones to dub his voice.) All of a sudden, I heard a very loud "REEP! REEP! REEP!" coming from the top of the stand-alone closet in my room.

I sat bolt upright and thought WTF was that? "REEP! REEP! REEP!" it said again. I got a chair from the kitchen and grabbed one of my sandals. I climbed on the chair to see what the hell was making that noise up there. I was gonna kill whatever it was.

It was a lizard, a small, salamander-like lizard with a red throat and brown skin. I looked at the lizard and the lizard looked at me. "REEP!" said the lizard.

I lowered my Sandal of Death. "Here's the deal, amigo," I said. "I've got lots of room here and you're welcome to share it with me under two conditions. Number one, you cut that "REEP!" shit out when I turn the lights off. Number two, don't come crawling across my face when I'm asleep. If you can handle those two rules, you and I will get along fine. Comprende?"

"REEP!"

So far, he's held up his end of the deal and I've held up mine. I took a picture of the little rascal last night, after he crawled off the top of the closet and hung upside-down by his toes from the ceiling for a while. I believe that he was mosquito-hunting, and that's fine with me.

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