Gut Rumbles

July 05, 2004

early halt

My fireworks display last night was NOT up to its usual standards. I couldn't find my stainless-steel cannon with the 4" flange on the bottom, so I used a reinforced paper tube that came with the fireworks. The first two TNT rockets went off just fine and lit up the sky most impressively. I thought I was on a roll.

The third one, however, did something that I've never seen before. I don't know if the launching charge was a dud or if the thing got hung up sideways in the cannon, but instead of hearing that satisfying "WHUMP!" and watching the rocket fly into the sky, I heard a thud, a sizzle and that goddam bomb stuck its head just above the end of the tube and stayed there, throwing sparks.

I thought, "OH, SHIT!" and did a duck and cover move. That sumbitch exploded six feet away from me and sent shrapnel and burning gunpowder everywhere. It blew my launcher in half. The flash gave me a two-minute case of complete night blindness. The explosion made my ears ring for an hour. This weren't no lightweight charge I was firing.

I wasn't hurt, but I was very excited by the experience. So excited, in fact, that I had to go inside and check my pants for accidental stains. Luckily, no children were around. I did hear one neighbor yell, "Hey, Rob! Are you all right?" I told him that I was, but I didn't shoot any more fireworks after that.

That thing could have put my eye out.


I use 4" and 6" ABS pipe buried in five gallon pails full of sand, and fire them electrically from around thirty yards away.

Shells are not something with which to fuck. I've seen many a lifting charges fail, occasionally resulting in very unpleasant mishaps.

Never use those stupid-assed cardboard tubes. That's just asking for it.

Posted by: Mr. Lion on July 5, 2004 06:02 PM

Funny you should say that.

Friday night I was at a party. The host had these things he called "mortar balls". He was dropping them in a cardboard tube. Well, on about the 5th or 6th one, the tube blew up and sent hot flaming stars into the crowd. Thankfully no one was hurt.

Posted by: rightisright on July 5, 2004 08:03 PM

Update: It was these things:

Posted by: rightisright on July 5, 2004 08:07 PM

lmao at "That thing could have put my eye out."

Love that movie. That and NatLamp's Christmas Vacation are two 'seasonal' movies that I will watch year 'round.

Now, if ya ever have cause to be in a pink bunny suit, I'd sure appreciate a heads up.
Or a picture.
*still giggling*

Posted by: Stevie on July 6, 2004 12:45 AM

Don't try THIS @ home:

Posted by: Hap Arnold on July 6, 2004 04:29 PM
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