Gut Rumbles

June 27, 2004

my refrigerator

I started to master the use of my new carpet cleaner today, but I stopped to make a plan first. The more I planned, the more daunting the task ahead seemed to be, so took a time out to watch a golf tournament on TV. Yeah, an ordinary observer might BELIEVE that I was sprawled on the couch like a rotting potato, but my mind was working HARD the entire time.

I decided to sneak up on the big carpet-cleaning job by practicing on something smaller and easier to accomplish. I decided to clean out my refrigerator. Bejus! I didn't think that kind of foolish thought when I was falling off the deep end a few months ago. I must have been saner then than I am now.

Let me tell you about what I found in my refrigerator...... No, I'm not going to do that. Unless you are an EMS professional or a Haz-Mat Incident Commander, you probably couldn't stomach the gory details. I shared this guy's thoughts.

And speaking of things in the fridge . . .

There's something sort of greenish in a plastic bag with lots of condensation on it here. I am afraid to get any closer, but there's always the get-a-stick-and-poke-at-it-from-a-safe-distance ploy.

Oh but remember how badly that went in the original (1958) Steve McQueen classic, The Blob? As is the case in so many preventable disasters, some idiot with a stick poked at the thing and of course it slimed right on up the stick and got on his arm.

I believe that I might be better off if I just bought a new refrigerator and started over. There is a LOT of mysterious shit in MY fridge right now that could devour the Blob and never even burp afterward. I don't know what it is, I don't know how long it's been there, but it ain't pretty.

I've got to do some more planning....

(Link via this guy. No "hat tip," but credit where credit is due.)


I assume you have heard George Carlin's Ice Box Man routine. "Have you ever opened your refrigerator and found something you could not identify?"

That's why my family believes in old margarine tubs and other cheap disposible containers for leftovers instead of the nice Rubbermaid or Tupperware. When one slides to the back of the fridge, not to be seen for months, you don't feel bad just throwing the whole thing out without having to investigate.

Posted by: LibraryGryffon on June 28, 2004 02:29 PM

Mom came to visit a while back. & how does she let me know my refrigerater needed cleaning?

It's that sweet, gentle 'Mom' voice saying: 'Honey, I think you need to check on your fridge. Something is inside, knocking on the door. I think it's a new life form, wanting out.'

Posted by: Persnickety on June 30, 2004 02:36 PM
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