Gut Rumbles

June 25, 2004


I went to Wal-Mart today and bought three things. The first was a new electric beard-trimmer, because my old Sunbeam died on me and I'm looking pretty scruffy nowadays. The second was a very good Spanish-English/English-Spanish dictionary that I intend to study before I go back to Costa Rica. The third was (and I STILL don't know what possessed me to BUY it) a HIGH-POWERED, CARPET STEAM-CLEANER!!!!

Maybe some long-repressed domestic instinct raised its ugly head in the depths of my psyche. Maybe my undiscovered Feminine Side finally emerged from where its been buried for 52 years. Maybe I just got tired of looking at what once was beige carpet but now appears to be buffalo hide, laid out after a good rut in the mud by a very nasty animal.

Whatever my reasons, I bought the damned thing. I've taken nothing but the instruction book out of the box so far, and that'll probably be enough for today. I got tired of doing housework just from reading the book. I may NEVER take the actual machine out of the box.

Hell--- now that I think about it, I kinda LIKE the dirty buffalo hide on the floor.


Is she related to you? :)
A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.
"Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners."
"Get lost!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money" and she proceeded to close the door.
Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open.
"Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure all over her hallway carpet.
"If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this mess from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder.
"Well," she said, "I hope you've got a good appetite, because the electricity was cut off this morning."

Posted by: Melly on June 25, 2004 01:01 PM

Hey, since you're never going to take the steam machine out of the box, you could just send it to me! My carpet doesn't look quite like buffalo hide yet, but it's starting to look a little like dead's the time to steam!

And, hey....whatever happened to those onions??? Maybe the mailman ate them.

Posted by: DogsDon'tPurr on June 25, 2004 06:34 PM

Uhhh... the onions are still in a box on my living room floor. Rick & Georgia told me today that I should AT LEAST send you a picture if I wasn't going to mail the onions.

I'll mail them. I promise.

Posted by: Acidman on June 25, 2004 10:10 PM long do onions stay fresh???

Posted by: DogsDon'tPurr on June 26, 2004 01:19 AM

Thanks for making my sick ass laugh.

[Sick as in unhealthy. Ass as in, well, you know, ass.]

Posted by: Dz on June 26, 2004 07:15 PM

There was a young poet named Dan,
Whose poetry never would scan.
When told this was so,
He said, Yes, I know.
Credit Report

Posted by: Credit Report on November 21, 2004 01:05 AM
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