Gut Rumbles
 

June 23, 2004

cell phones

How did people EVER manage to drive cars before the invention of the cell phone? On my trip to Key West, I noticed that about one in four cars I saw on the Interstate had a driver with one of those Borg-like devices stuck to his or her ear. I'll be willing to bet you that all but one or two of those people were just bullshitting with someone they really didn't need to talk to.

"Hello? James? Yeah, I'm driving down the road now. I'll have to stop for a pee break before long, and I just wanted to let you know."

"Hi, Mary! Whatcha doin'? Aw, I'm not doin' much either. Nothin' plus nothin' means nothin,' don't it? Whoa! I almost sideswiped an eighteen wheeler!"

"May I speak to Bob, please? Wrong number? Who cares? I'll just bullshit with YOU. What's your name, anyway?"

I can understand having a cell phone in the car. It can come in handy if you break down on the road and need to call Triple-A for a tow. Other than that, the sumbitch needs to stay in the glove box. People who feel the overpowering desire to exercise their jaws every time they get behind the wheel of a car should learn to chew gum. Fuck them AND their cell phones.

I believe that we should have a bounty on assholes who don't know how to HANG UP AND DRIVE.

Comments

As long as you're not doing anything, crank up your Harley or your Rice Rocket and do Key West to Prudhoe Bay and back. 12 days ought to do it. I would join you, but I'm busy.


WEW

Posted by: Walter Wallis, P.E. on June 23, 2004 05:54 PM

Walter, 12 days wouldn't do it. It'll take you 12 days just to get from Seattle to Prudhoe Bay and back. Probably more than that. Nice time of year to do it though, we've had 80 degree weather for a week.

Posted by: Alaska Kim on June 23, 2004 06:30 PM

Some guy just did 1 way in a bit over 100 hours. Acid could do it.

Posted by: Walter E. Wallis on June 23, 2004 07:50 PM

Dude....you should move to California! I think there is a law here now that you can't talk on the cell while you're driving unless you do it hands free (either via a speakerphone set up or with an ear piece).
Although, so far, that hasn't seemed to stop anyone, yet.

Posted by: DogsDon'tPurr on June 23, 2004 08:49 PM

Cell phone usage while actually DRIVING is a deadly distraction. In a darkened movie theater, it should be grounds for getting the ol' heave-ho. (More irritating than the crying baby that follows me into theaters....) In the grocery store line, I must resist the urge to grab the things & throw them into the parking lot.

Well, gotta run. My cell phone is ringing....

Posted by: CAULI4NYUN on June 23, 2004 11:34 PM

Not only is it illegal to use a cell without a hands-free kit in parts of Australia, those of us in South Australia face fines for having DVD players visable to other motorists.

Posted by: Grinder on June 24, 2004 06:00 AM

I think that you should be made to have your phone number visible on your car if you talk on your phone while driving.
That way the people around you could tell you how you are driving.

Posted by: Veeshir on June 24, 2004 07:44 AM

Ah yes.

"Freedom for me but not for thee."

Driving while on the phone is an acquired skill. If you want MORE regulation of your lives, just keep complaining.

Posted by: Red Orick on June 24, 2004 08:07 AM

Hands free is the only way to go. I don't even like to hold the phone when I'm not driving.

Posted by: drc on June 24, 2004 10:51 AM

I was fuming the other day because a psycho soccer mom in her fatass SUV wouldn't allow me enough space to turn left in front of her while she was sitting still at a red light. I backed my car up and rolled down the window (in the rain) and pointed at her. She eventually noticed (since she was gabbing away on her cell phone) but it was too late to let me past because the light turned green.

Acts of selfishiness are directly proportional to the amount of income her husband makes/how much dick-sucking she had to do for her fatass SUV.

Posted by: sugarmama on June 24, 2004 10:52 AM

"Driving while on the phone is an acquired skill. .."

A skill which, unfortunately, few people possess. I'm sure driving while receiving oral sex is an acquired skill as well, but as Teddy Kennedy taught us, there may be a little problem if you haven''t quite got it mastered...

Posted by: Desert Cat on June 25, 2004 06:44 PM

U FUCKING GUY.. STOP STARING AT OTHER PPL WHILE DRIVING.. Y DUZ IT ITCH UR ASS IF THEY TALKING EH?? ITZ HARD FOR U TO DO THAT WITH UR HEAD UP UR BUTT I GUESS BUT HAVE A DOCTOR SHOVE A CELL FONE IN.. GET A LIFE.. ASS MUNCH ( )O( )

Posted by: WHOGIVESAFUCK on July 11, 2004 07:29 AM
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