Gut Rumbles

June 18, 2004

frog war

I usually like the sound of crickets and frogs at night. They sing up a storm and I enjoy listening to them. But you can have too much of a good thing.

Last night, some horny damned frog perched himself somewhere around my back porch and just wouldn't shut up. "RACK! RACK! RACK-RACK-RACK-RACK!" The bastard sounded as if he were singing through a microphone into a bank of Bose PA speakers. I couldn't hear my television over his love song.

I grabbed a .22 pistol and a flashlight and went outside to dispatch his noisy ass. As soon as I opened the door, he cut off his set and took a break. I shined the flashlight all through the weeds the beautifully manicured grass in my back yard, but I couldn't find the obnoxious little shit. I decided to sit in a lawn chair and wait him out.

Mosquitoes attacked me, so I gave up on that plan. As soon as I went back inside, The Frog of Love started a new set and cranked up the volume. "RACK! RACK! RACK-RACK-RACK-RACK!" If I opened the door, he shut up. As soon as I closed the door, he started singing again.

I'm gonna find that prick today and kill him.


Can't you capture him and drive him down the road instead?

Or if you must take a life, could you cook and eat him?

Posted by: Not a sensitive hippie on June 18, 2004 08:22 AM

Why not leave the door open?

Posted by: ken on June 18, 2004 08:42 AM

If you shoot carefully enough, you should be able to still get a good bit of meat off of him.

Another solution. Next time he starts up, just mow the lawn. I'm sure you'll get him in there somewhere.

Posted by: Harlot on June 18, 2004 09:30 AM

Time to make soup!!

Posted by: Chelle on June 18, 2004 09:38 AM

jeesh, you had one frog keep you awake. Try having just one cricket keep you awake. I live in a part of the lower 48 where crickets don't live, except for the few I buy for my Gecko to munch on. One day to my regret I let loose a couple of crickets thinking that they were dead.
Sure enough, one cricket lived to let me know he was still alive by chirping all night long outside my bedroom window. I am a light sleeper so you know how that went.

Posted by: RC on June 18, 2004 10:37 AM

Rob, you need to get you one of these:

Posted by: og on June 18, 2004 11:47 AM

Acidman, are you sure it's really a frog? To be sure, check for a beret, B.O., and a tiny white flag.

Posted by: Ernie G on June 18, 2004 06:19 PM
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