Gut Rumbles

May 30, 2004

feeling depressed

I miss my son. I wanted to talk to him today, but every time I called I got nothing but the answering machine. I left a message for him to call me, but I haven't heard back from him yet.

I wonder where he is?

I have a bag full of goodies, gee-gaws and other things I bought for Quinton in Costa Rica. I want to give it to him, if I can ever track him down. I don't give a damn what the law says--- what Jennifer has done to drive a wedge between me and my son is worse than her slipping off in the dark (and later in broad daylight) to throw her pussy to the wind. I don't give a shit what she does with her pussy anymore.

But I still love my son.

My father made one hell of an impact on my life. We didn't agree on a lot of things, but he was one hell of a man and he helped me a lot through the years. He was my Yoda--- the wise one I consulted with when I wasn't certain what to do next. He drove me hard, and he often barked at me when he thought I needed it, but he never failed to give me good advice. I didn't always follow it, but I'll miss him until the day I die.

I want to have that kind of impact on Quinton's life. I may be a crazy old buzzard, but I've learned a lot through 52 years of fire and rain. A boy needs a father in his life and I still remember what it feels like to be a young boy. I could help him a lot with things NO WOMAN understands, even if she does believe that she's Supermom.

Yeah, I've fucked up. But I don't believe that I'm a bad man and I'll never believe that Quinton is better off without me. I am his father and I always will be. Nobody else can ever change that fact, no matter how many men Jennifer decides to sleep with.

I miss my boy.


Acidman, when I met my hubby, he was recently divorced. His wife ran off with a "high ranking enlisted man". Oxymoron, much?
She screwed with his children, never came for visitation, and convinced the kids that their dad hated them and had no interest in them. That was the furthest thing from the truth. Her new husband convinced all involved that he should adopt the son - as the ex wasn't able to have any other kids. He wanted a son, doncha know. (as an aside, they are divorced now. She's on her third or fourth husband) His son was 5 when we married, and he is 21 now. He still has very little to do with my husband - the ex messed the boy up pretty good.
Keep trying. Keep calling, visiting, mailing cards and such. My hubby didn't, and regrets it now. He let his ex get the better of him. No one is better off without their father.

Posted by: Carmen on May 30, 2004 11:16 PM

I would have better off without my father. I'm 36 years old and all he does is ignore me. He never talks to me. I walk by his room and he clicks his mouth like I'm something to be ashamed of. He has fucked with my head everyday of my life. My mother won't do a thing about it. He still thinks he is not an alchohlic. My mother lets him do whatever he wants. When I say something like "Why are you angry?" I get yelled at by my mom and sister because I'm being to hard on dad. I can't wait for my dad to die so I can piss on his grave.

Posted by: themack on May 30, 2004 11:56 PM

I know it sounds cliche, but someday your son will be old enough to see through his mother's manipulation. NEVER give up! If you do, she will have won.

Posted by: Michele on May 31, 2004 08:18 AM

I can't imagine being without my daughter. She's the single most important reason I try to work things out with my wife. I know she'll make it impossible for me to stay involved in my daughter's life if we ever broke up.
Don't give your son up. Life is hard enough without having to give up the people you love.

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