Gut Rumbles

March 16, 2004

The answers

From this post the correct answers are:

1) Salem cigarettes

2) Brylcream

3) Avis rent-a-car

4) Taryton cigarettes

5) Perma-press fabrics

6) Charmin butt-wipe

7) Chevrolet

8) Wendy's

9) Alka-seltzer

10) Benson and Hedges cigarettes

11) Colgate toothpaste

12) Camel cigarettes

13) Coco-puffs

14) Pall Mall cigarettes

15) Ivory soap

16) Certs

17) Miller Light beer

18) Budweiser beer

Okay, now you know.

It's a funny thing. My dad always wore Wildroot in his hair when I was a boy and he used Old Spice after-shave. I still associate those aromas with masculinity and strength. I use Old Spice deodorant to this day and occasionally splash a little Old Spice after-shave on my face. That smell reminds me of my father.

I got a wild root up my ass the other day and walked up and down the aisles of the hair-care section of the Super Wal-Mart, just looking for a bottle of genuine Wildroot. I couldn't find one. I saw all kinds of gels and mousses and other faggoty crap that feminized men smear into their hair today, but I couldn't find any Wildroot. I asked one of the assistants at the cosmetics counter (she appeared to be about 16 years old) and she had never heard of the product.

Well, it was just greasy kid stuff anyway.

I've read that your sense of smell is the one sense most closely associated with memory in the brain. I never believed that idea until after my father died. Now, whenever I smell Old Spice, I think of him. I associate that scent (along with tobacco smoke and the occasional hint of whiskey) with my father so vividly that some stone-cutter may as well have etched it in my mind. I will NEVER smell Old Spice without remembering my dad.

If I ever got another whiff of Wildroot... well, I don't know what might happen.