Gut Rumbles

March 16, 2004

chap my ass some more

I'll tell you something else that bugs me in life. I live in a neighborhood that has a covenant that forbids me from drilling a well on my land. I sit right on top of the Florida aquifer, but I'm not allowed to tap it. The water company does that for me and they send me a bill every month.

The cheap bastards send a cardboard bill with no fucking return envelope. That chaps my ass. It's bad enough that I have to put a stamp on the got-dam thing, but I have to use my OWN EVELOPE to pay the cut-throat sumbitches. They charge an arm and a leg for water, too.

When I lived on the mini-farm, I had my own well. All I had to pay for was the electricity to run the pump. I had the best, cleanest, most refreshing water you could ever wish for coming right out of the ground. And I had all that I wanted---basically for free.

But I have a water meter now and some dipstick who says that I can't drill a well on my own property. I know guys who drill wells for a living. For less than $1,500 I can get one sunk to 400 feet, tap the aquifer and have my own pump, where I can have all the water I want for a one-time fee.

Yeah-- I can do that, but it's illegal where I live now.

Two co-conspiring forces are at work here. First, the developer established a water system (which taps the aquifer-- but he received a PERMIT to do it) and selling that water makes him richer than selling the houses did. Second, the fuck-bunny environmentalists keep wringing their hands and lobbying asswit politicians about the fragile aquifer and how we need to protect it.

What a bunch of bullshit.

Get the right judge and you can fuck that aquifer. It still boils from the ground 30 miles off the coast of Savannah, but the whole thing is like divorce court. Get the right judge and you can fuck anybody or anything. Get the wrong judge and YOU'RE fucked.

I am in a foul mood this evening.