Gut Rumbles

February 23, 2004

being broke

I read a lot of bloggers who bemoan their finiancial status, but still manage to blog. They don't get a lot of sympathy from me. I've been fucking broke and I may well be headed that way again.

Blogging? Man, please. I've had to make the choice among cigarettes, gasoline and food too many times in my life. Food always finished last. Not long thereafter, I found myself with more money than I knew what to do with. I was on the verge of becoming a rich man.

Then-- all of a sudden I was broke again. I'm talking seriously broke and looking up from the bottom of a black hole. I had to borrow $10,000 from my 401-K just to get back on my feet again. I owed lawyers. I owed medical bills. I didn't have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of. I owed fucking everybody and the BC was asking for more. I didn't have a place to live and that surgery screwed me up a lot more than I believed that it would. I was in a bad way for a while. But I bought the Crackerbox because I knew that I could just barely handle the debt.

But the BC and I sold some property and I made enough money off that deal for me to buy beds and a kitchen table for the house. I also bought a refrigerator and and washer and dryer. Oh, yeah! A microwave oven, too. I was outfitted. Quinton could come stay with me now.

And he did, because I dug myself out of that hole one piece at a time. It wasn't easy and I still owe a lot of money on that 401-K loan. But I'm not broke anymore. I may be again shortly, but it won't be the first time. I can find a good job if I want one. But I don't want one right now. As Recondo 32 said at the blog-meet, "At your burn rate, you'd better leave the country or look for a job soon. Your money ain't gonna hold out the way you spend it."

The burn rate accellerated quite a bit today. Lawyers are expensive.

But what the fuck. I've been broke before. The thought of being broke again does not frighten me. I don't relish the thouht and I don't believe that I should BE in this position, but I am, and I have a simple choice to make. Do I love Quinton more than I fear going broke again?

Shit. If I have to back to choosing among gasoline, cigarettes and food, I can do that again. I'll just make sure that the boy stays fed. I don't need much to get by on my own.