Gut Rumbles

February 16, 2004


I have a jogger in my neighborhood. That bastard is out there at 7:00 every morning running laps around the block. He runs as if he has a corncob up his ass, and that Nancy-Boy body langage he uses just chaps my Cracker ass.

I went out and shot him this morning.

I had no other choice. I just couldn't stand looking at the shitass anymore. Things worked out well, because after I put 15 .9mm bullets in him, he hit the street and quit moving. About that time, two really big dogs without leashes showed up, grabbed his dead ass and dragged him off into the woods. I believe that they are having a jogger-feast back there in the trees.

I thought about going to break it up, but I don't want to shoot a dog (except my own) and if the canines devour the bastard, I'll never have to look at him again. I MEANT to kill him. The dogs coming along right when they did was just a lucky break on my part.

And if the dogs keep up what they're doing, I won't even have to bury the health-obscessed piece of drek. He'll look like road kill dragged off and picked clean by the dogs and the buzzards. They'll enjoy all the lean meat.

Damn! People keep telling me not to write about such things, but I can't help myself. I don't shoot a jogger every day.

But when I do, I write about it. I don't invent such stories.


Well, at least you aren't in jail.

Posted by: David on February 16, 2004 10:34 AM

Luckily, I plod. This involves faking like you are jogging, then hoping you move faster than a walk.

In doing this I have encountered many elite hikers. On one occasion I was just starting out up the trail with my four year old son, who was pulling away. He came to a one log bridge and saw a dog coming at him from the opposite direction, followed by some elite hikers. Sizing up the situation, he kicked the dog off the bridge. It was only a 2' drop to a small rivulet. The elites were stunned and hurt, but did they want their dog to knock my son off the bridge? They returned to civilization disgusted by this primitive behavior on the part of the Poor Gay Gunga Din's son. But I was impressed.

Posted by: Ga-ne-sha on February 16, 2004 11:32 AM

You'll lose all respect for me when I tell you, BUT I thought I read you have a LOGGER in your neighborhood...{Ha-ha}
I figured ya must of shot him for making noise cutting down trees!...
Yep, NOW who's got a wild imagination?
:) Trease

Posted by: Trease on February 16, 2004 11:59 AM

Thank God I don't live in your neighborhood or I may be dead too (for I, too, am a jogger).

Anyway, happy birthday.

Posted by: UZI--Q on February 16, 2004 02:41 PM

Good shot.
Now go for the vegetarians and French.

Good Hunting,


Posted by: bs on February 16, 2004 04:13 PM

Damn. Shot 'im with a needlegun, eh?

Posted by: Hank on February 16, 2004 08:27 PM

I see you're following your lawyer's advice by blogging more outrageous stuff. I must say, I like the whole "shoot the joggers" thing. A beautiful thing! And, as BS said, next go for the vegans and the French! Ha!


Posted by: Joan of Argghh! on February 16, 2004 09:17 PM

It's crackers to dip a rozzer in the dropsey and snide.

I know, what the hell does that mean, but it makes as much sense as anything else posted here of late!

Posted by: Bob on February 16, 2004 09:58 PM

Bob reads MAD magazine...*giggle*
So do I.

Posted by: Stevie on February 16, 2004 10:15 PM

come on, be realistic. we know you'd never use a 9mm.

Posted by: andy on February 17, 2004 01:19 AM

Dammit, what the hell did you do that for?

Next time you need to shoot someone for the capital offense of pissing your cracker ass off, use a .45 and save yourself 14 shots.

Posted by: Tom on February 17, 2004 02:07 AM

To hell with the 9 or the 45... can't beat the knockdown power of a duck gun. Plus the added bonus of a smooth bore: won't leave anything for balistics, 'tho the dogs will prolly get lead poisoning :-(

Posted by: Harry P on February 17, 2004 06:04 PM
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