Gut Rumbles

February 08, 2004

more on the south

* What's the difference between a pissant, a fire and and a sugar ant?

* What is a genuine "No see-em?" What's the only potion that will keep those flying teeth from eating you alive?

* How do you tell the difference between a King snake and a coral snake?

*The Coral snake is the only actual asp in the Notrthern hemishpere, and it will kill you dead if one bites you. Study the color of his stripes, because he looks a lot like a king snake. (Yellow on red, kill you dead. Black on yellow, friendly fellow) Only the stripes are different. I've had corals crawl all over me in the woods, but they have small mouths and they can hit you only between the fingers or someplace easy to get to. I've picked up coral snakes and tossed them down the mountain many a time. I've never killed a King Snake.

I ran through a passel of copperheads and rattlesnakes. That's when I bought the snakeshot and the silent bullets. The best thing I know to shoot a snake with now is my .410 shotgun. That's a head remover. But when I saw that fat 5-foot rattler sunning on my porch I went for the .12 guage that day. That was a fat, mean-looking rascal.

I got him with one shot, but I had to position his ass first. That wasn't easy because I made him all pissed off when I hooked him with the golf ball retriever and tossed him out in the yard. He made a run for the woods after that, but he wasn't quick enough. I blew his head off and buried him right where he died. At least I could see him.

Shit. Knock a golf ball into the palmetto flat rough on a golf course. Take two steps in there looking for the ball and listen to the noise you hear. Okay, snakes keep the ball and I take a drop.

I don't mind killing snakes when I can see them. But they sound like a pack of locusts in a paletto flat. You can't tell how close they are, how big they are or where they're coming from. You back you ass out of there and give up the ball.

Oh, I have snake stories I could tell.


I don't know the difference between sugar ants and pissants. All I know is I had some real tiny ants running around the kitchen, and I had tried everything short of napalm to kill them. A man came by last week to install a new wall oven, and he told me about borax. I made a mixture of 5% borax and 95% honey and put it out for them. If you make it too strong, they drop dead next to the bait. You want them to carry it back and feed it to the queen. The queen says, "Not tonight, I have a headache," and quits laying eggs.

Now that I think about it, since the honey bait worked so well, that would make them sugar ants, wouldn't it?

Posted by: Ernie G on February 8, 2004 12:08 PM

Are you going to post the Sunday Seven today?

Posted by: Erin on February 8, 2004 12:25 PM

I only call them piss ants when they invade my home and piss me off by making those darn trails everywhere. Other wise, they are sugar ants.

Posted by: medicmom on February 8, 2004 12:36 PM

My boss owns a large home in Palm Beach,FL. The first time I was ever there I was given a tour of the house by the butler. When we got to the kitchen, he freaked out on me. I didn't know what the deal was but he started yelling "SNAKE!" and when I turned around, there was what I thought was a King snake coiled up on top of the stove. I went to catch him, but the butler implored me not to. He said we had to kill him. And we did. With a broom (him) and a knife (me). I felt terrible for killing him, but found out later that it was in fact a Coral snake (the butler spoke mostly spanish, so I didn't know at the time). Being a yankee, I had never seen one of those before. Trust me, I don't feel so bad about killing him now.

I've killed several timber rattlers and copperheads in my time and was even bitten once in my youth by a copperhead. But I'm like you in that I won't kill a good snake. At least not one that won't harm you.

Posted by: marcl on February 8, 2004 01:16 PM

Fire ant = Red/Brown little bastards with a nasty sting that causes a blister. Thus the term.

Sugar ant = The "normal" black/brown ants that will find sugar wherever possible.

Pissant = Democrat. (Actually the really little bastards that "piss" formic acid, which smells like urine).

No-see-ems = Tiny yellow gnats that sting. I believe DEET works against them. Lots of it.

As for the snakes, no idea. I don't see many in the city, and those I do run into in the woods end up ventilated with buckshot before I have much chance to count stripes.

Posted by: Mr. Lion on February 8, 2004 02:14 PM

Coral snakes don't have fangs. They have to gnaw on you.

Posted by: Donnah on February 8, 2004 03:02 PM

My friends mom is from the south and I remember some years ago she told me that they are called piss ants because when they bite you, the bite the piss out of ya!

Posted by: Lori on February 8, 2004 06:39 PM

Fire ants hurt like the devil but if you sprinkle grits on the mounds it'll do them in. The ants body is made up mostly of water and the grits soak up all the water in their body, than they die. It's cheap and it won't hurt your pets.

Posted by: sandy on February 9, 2004 05:17 AM

Honey, they ain't enough grits in Winn-Dixie to dry up all the ant mounds in Florida. They got all kinds of escape tunnel, as well. Amdro works a lot better.

Posted by: SwampWoman on February 9, 2004 09:11 AM

A batch of homemade napalm tends to do the trick rather well for getting rid of an antpile.

Of course, I suppose it'd probably take care of just about any stationary object in your yard you want to get rid of (except palmetto bushes. Nothin but a day's worth of elbow grease or a backhoe will get those suckers out permanently.)

Posted by: Paul G on February 9, 2004 04:16 PM

well you ain't just whistlin' dixie there..I love Florida, as a Georgia girl it's where we always went on vacation..but damn it to hell ya'll got big bugs...the grill on my dads truck would just be covered when we got home..

Posted by: sandy on February 9, 2004 04:35 PM

Art is vision, not expression.

Posted by: Wohlleb Sara on May 3, 2004 09:53 AM

The lesser of two evils is still evil.

Posted by: Walker Tyrone on May 21, 2004 01:21 AM
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