Gut Rumbles

December 09, 2003

uncle virgil's pig

My uncle Virgil is a good storyteller. Most of my family can spin a pretty good yarn, but Virgil is one of the best. He spent 30 years in the Air Force, traveled all over the world, and has lots of interesting stories to tell. Get a little Scotch in him, and he becomes almost as bombastic as I am.

When he was a boy on my Papaw's farm, a sow had some piglets. Virgil adopted one as a pet. He thought that the pig was smarter and more well-behaved and any dog he ever had. "That pig followed me around like a puppy. If I told it to 'sit,' it sat. If I said 'come here,' it came. If I told it to 'lay down,' it laid down. That was one smart pig."

The pig grew bigger and attracted my Papaw's eye. He put it in a wooden pen and started feeding it corn every day.

"I KNEW that my daddy liked my pig, because he put him in his own house, with a wooden floor covered with straw so that he didn't have to sleep on the ground anymore. He fed MY pig corn. MY pig didn't have to root for slops with the rest of the swine. MY pig was special."

Virgil's pig grew fat and happy.

Then, one Saturday morning, when the time was right, Papaw dragged that pig out of the pen, shot it in the head with a .38 pistol and butchered it. Virgil was heartbroken. "My daddy killed my pig and my family ATE IT."

Virgil wouldn't eat bacon for years after that traumatic incident.


Augh! It's like if Stephen King had written Charlotte's Web.

I don't care what gender your kids are, make them read E.B. White's books. They give more instruction about what it means to be a thinking, feeling, decent human being than any children's books I've ever read (and I read a lot). Plus they're just plain good literature.

Posted by: Joanna L. on December 9, 2003 09:42 AM

Almost reminds me of the story about the three legged pig.

Posted by: Don on December 9, 2003 09:52 AM

mmmm... Bacon .. my favorite...

My children know exactly what all of the food they eat come from .. I will never hide that from them. Not that your Uncle didn't know. Just sounds like he was very unsuspecting.

Posted by: RICH on December 9, 2003 09:56 AM

The moral of this story: Don't get emotionally attached to LIVESTOCK.

Posted by: Bill Dennis on December 9, 2003 12:11 PM

Sounds like Virgil's Daddy needed a kick in the nuts, for a.) killing his son's pet, and b.) not having the guts to tell his son that Porky was one day going to be bacon.

Had that happened to me, I would have set fire to my Dad's car, and used the flames to cook the pork sausages.

What a prick.

Posted by: Kim du Toit on December 9, 2003 02:26 PM

Hmmmmm interesting !!!

Posted by: dzwonki polifoniczne nokia on May 26, 2004 07:07 PM
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