Gut Rumbles
 

December 06, 2003

how to get laid, acidman style

I am writing this post on a dare from the poser and she DID NOT pen this one. I like a good challenge and I accept this one.

HOW TO GET LAID, ACIDMAN STYLE

1) Be yourself.

2) Don't be shy.

3) If you ARE shy by nature, learn to overcome that defect.

4) Don't be intimidated by wimmen. They want you as much as you want them.

5) Always remember that you are NOT as ugly as you think you are.

6) Be receptive to signals. If a woman is interested in you, she seldom comes right out and says, "Wanna FUCK?" She'll do the ritualistic mating dance, fluffing her tailfeathers and giving subtle hints that the door is open, but she expects YOU to make the next move. When you see those signs, go for it. The worst thing that can happen is she turns you down.

7) NEVER FORGET: Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

8) Learn to kiss well. Wimmen like that.

9) Every time I read or hear a woman say what she really likes in a man, the first thing out of her mouth is "a good sense of humor." That's bullshit. A woman appreciates a man with wit but she finds a clown to be disgusting. Don't be a clown.

10) Groom yourself, bathe regularly, but DO NOT soak yourself with half a bottle of cologne every time you go out. You smell like a French whore when you do that. Wimmen actually like the smell of a man, not some gay-assed perfume designer.

There you have MY HUMBLE OPINION on this matter. It's worked well for me all my life and I post this as a public service message to guys who aren't getting any. Yeah, I realize that it helps to be as handsome, charming and wealthy as I am, but ANYBODY can do it. Really.

Just try.

Comments

I couldn't have said it better myself.
Nothing to it.

Posted by: don on December 6, 2003 04:09 PM

I'm horny. Wanta FUCK?

Posted by: Lady Mae on December 6, 2003 04:12 PM

Isn't this a repeat of an entry in October or early November, 2003?

Posted by: Ms Anna on December 6, 2003 04:16 PM

If I were posing, the first think I'd do is say that I wasn't...

Posted by: Jean on December 6, 2003 04:21 PM

Could you send this to every guy on the planet, please?

Posted by: Tanya on December 6, 2003 05:33 PM

Too many silly dos and don'ts.

Kim's Infallible Way To Get Laid:

1. Be rich and/or powerful.

Posted by: Kim du Toit on December 6, 2003 07:34 PM

Kim,
We women may wish that there were enough to go around that are rich and/or powerful. But, that just isn't so. Besides, what if there's nothing else to the man's character?

Who would want to marry Bill Clinton?

Posted by: Ms Anna on December 6, 2003 08:03 PM

do you want to get laid (or lucky) once or lots o times over a long time?

Laid once interested me when I was in my 20s, now it kind of like eating CoolWhip. Not interesting, not adventuresome, not compatible with my life.

These are good:
No perceptible fragrance
No perceptible body odor unless there's a good reason you've been sweating
Pretty contented with your life the way it is right now
If you have kids, you have a great relationship with them
Smart (not necessarily lots o degrees, but have more than 5 thoughts to rub together. This is not a universal woman thing)

There's more, I'll think about it.

Posted by: Liz on December 6, 2003 10:01 PM

Legal whorehouses. NOW. Then we'll see how 'valuable' the average woman is.

Posted by: Horse with no-- on December 6, 2003 10:02 PM

Amen,Horse..

Posted by: Cmdr. Zero on December 6, 2003 11:27 PM

Can we have some standards? IMHO if she's a nice girl and you cared about her you WOULDN'T follow those rules because you'd respect her enough to not think with your cock. I don't hang around with anyone that just follows their pecker because I don't want women to think that the only reason I stepped out of the house on a friday night was to find someone and get laid.

Why would you want to screw a girl that would fall for some bullshit anyways? A woman that would sleep with a guy simply for following those steps would have to have loose enough morals to make a porn star cringe.

What's with 'how to get laid' anyways? Aren't there any guys left that think that sex is something special? How could standards have changed so much that couples used to say "I'm so happy to be married to you" after having sex for the first time and now it's "what's your name again? want me to rim you out again?"

How about #8: "Learn to kiss well." Aren't we moving a little fast here? You just met the girl, why tonque wrestle before you find out he's post-op? Things move too fast these days. I think on the first date you should get to know people intimately, but that doesn't include whether or not she can lick my balls while deep throating.

Lastly, and this is my favorite quote.."It's worked well for me all my life." That's terrific, we're supposed to take sex advice from from a guy that can't get his dick up without a defibrillator and a gallon of holy water. If it's worked so well then I guess the sex wasn't why your wife left you. Maybe it was the constant bragging about shit you don't know anything about. Stay tuned for his adviced on how to score sex with the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders...or the players. I can't wait for advice on how to land some cock.

Posted by: Flash on December 7, 2003 12:09 AM

You don't get laid much, do you, Flash?

Posted by: Acidman on December 7, 2003 06:44 AM

Flash,
all women are whores. you are either going to pay now or pay later. if you chose the pay later option (marriage), you will get less and less and pay more and more. i'll take the pay now option.

Posted by: Dorian Grey on December 7, 2003 08:41 AM

Dorian,
All men are gutless bastards.

See how stupid that absolute generalization sounded? You didn't leave yourself an out.

Not all women WANT something in exchange for sex. Some women just want sex.

SOME women wonder why their MAN uses it as a source of bribery.

Gee, does that make HIM a whore?

I guarantee you that that's not the line you'll use next time you want to get laid.

Posted by: Key on December 7, 2003 03:58 PM

When virtual reality sex comes on line, the first war between the sexes will finally conclude, the females routed.

The second war, the replacement of the family by the nanny state, will continue.

Posted by: Brett on December 8, 2003 02:00 PM

key,
honeybabysweetypants. follow the bouncing ball here...

i'm talking about women's natural instinct to use their kitty to get what they want. it is part of their genetics. some women have the ability to ignore their genetics.. but that doesn't make them any less of what they are.

Posted by: Dorian Grey on December 9, 2003 07:52 PM

Hi...Im just surfed in and want to say hello!
Regards George


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