Gut Rumbles

November 26, 2003


I suppose that I'll go over to mama's house tomorrow. She going to cook a turkey and some shuck beans. I LOVE shuck beans.

A couple of years ago, I broke my mama's heart by cooking a turkey better than the one she prepared. We had a lot of the family arrive from all over the country for a big feast that year and no one had ever tasted a deep-fried turkey before. That's how I cooked mine and it was sucked up to the bare bones in nothing flat. Mama had leftover turkey. I didn't.

If you've ever deep-fried a turkey, you'll never bake one in the oven again. I have a turkey cooker and I do the frying outside on a propane grill, but you can do it in any large pot on the kitchen stove if you're careful.

I once fried four turkeys, back-to-back on Thanksgiving morning and was finished with all four before noon that day. I use peanut oil, keep the grease between 325 and 350 degrees and allow three minutes per pound to cook the bird. A 20-pound turkey takes one hour. Frying results in the juciest, sweetest, most tender turkey you'll ever put in your mouth. I had the practice refined to an art form.

I'll probably never fry another turkey again. I got a free turkey from work last year and gave it away to Jack's mom. I seldom cook anymore and I have no use for a 20-pound bird on Thanksgiving.

Hell. I have no use for Thanksgiving anymore.


Interesting that you should mention shuck beans; just finished reading about them over at Steve's site. He loves them and it also brought back some sweet memories of his grandmother in Kentucky.

Posted by: MommaBear on November 26, 2003 07:03 PM

Thanksgiving = Quinton

Posted by: Ms Anna on November 26, 2003 07:05 PM

Oh, wah.

You say that with such finality. You have no idea what the future holds.

Posted by: Key on November 26, 2003 07:20 PM

Happy Thanksgiving to "YOU". I hope your new "dog", new "women", "music", thoughts on "politics"/"south-stuff"/wonderful "silly recipes" ...about many things and life... ROCK! I hope a little elf(at some point!) gives you a clue that others give a SHIT too. Read what is posted to your words(in thought and kind!) and respondo(!!!)... in coarse of a: time frame... I guess in YOUR time. UHHHH! Others DO give a damn and have thoughts other than (*&%$@!) ...and "hey" ...Happy Turkey Day to ya. Do you ever read who reads you? They might never again, and then they might.

all the best

Posted by: Sallie on November 26, 2003 07:26 PM

...And one more thing:

Happy Thanksgiving, your blogginess. ; )

Posted by: Key on November 26, 2003 07:28 PM

Hey, to sophisticated people, Thanksgiving and shuck beans are nearly synonymous.

Posted by: Steve H. on November 26, 2003 07:29 PM

Let's see. You got a son. You got a D-28. You got friends. You got family. You got a bionic dick. You're alive. You've got memories of the Great Jawja Blogger Meetup 2003. You've got readers. You've got lots to be thankful for. And what's more, you have someone who likes to catbomb your cracker ass.

Posted by: Denny Wilson on November 26, 2003 08:13 PM

This is the 1st year ever I'm not hosting dinner. Y? Becuz my brother invited me. I'm used to GRILLING my bird so I can keep the oven for everything else. And I've always done good, my only complaint date back to the 1st couple of years I was on my own.

Then tonight he came over and told me I was expected early and already on the clean up detail. Hell ya... I'm still cooking, just in someone eles's abode.

The only thing new, my brother is deep frying the bird. I'm not allowed to touch it. This yankee will rate in on it later.

Posted by: SASSY on November 26, 2003 08:15 PM

One word of warning:

If you have one of those propane turkey/chicken friers or a stove-top frier, DO NOT PUT A FROZEN BIRD IN IT. I witnessed that debacle at a friends house this summer. Since it occured outside on a brick patio, it was rather spectacular and not too unsafe.

And cheer up Hombre de Acido. At least you are not a citzen of Iran or South Africa.

Posted by: rightisright on November 26, 2003 08:45 PM


No use for Thanksgiving, eh? Shit.

And here I was, including you n' a very select few other bloggers in my prayer of Thanksgiving, this year.

Yeah, we loves ya, bro. So does your son. So does your Daughter. So does your Mom. So does Oddball. So does God, but ya DO draw out his sense of humor on your cracker ass.

Hell, even Allah loves you. I'm sure he'll say so on his blog, one o' these days, too. *heh*

And, Rob. Ya gots groupies. Throwing themselves nekkid and prostrate before you, in all their red-toenailed, glowing downy-fuzzed glory.

You got plenty of use for Thanksgiving.

Sloop New Dawn
Galveston, TX

Posted by: Jim on November 26, 2003 08:48 PM

I am frying the small 14.5 lb turkey and my wife is roasting Birdzilla (26.7 lb). I fry a turkey about once a month. Do you inject yours Rob? I use Creole Garlic Butter marinade injected and rub with cajun spice mix. I have never had more than a few scraps left from one. The dog gets the popes nose as her treat.

Posted by: Rey on November 26, 2003 08:52 PM

You're not feeling thankful? Fine. Your problem. But you won't mind, will you, if the rest of us are THANKFUL FOR YOU? We are. You brighten our days and tickle our funny bones. Don't let YOUR BLUES ruin MY DAY!!

Posted by: Indigo on November 26, 2003 08:56 PM

You gonna write or bitch? We all know you can do both, but which are you better at?

Posted by: bob in the hills on November 26, 2003 09:16 PM

Holidays have the potential to be a lot of fun. Our family, which is slowly dying out, has so many internal issues and feelings of unhappiness that these special days no longer have any joy. Repressed, vaguely unhappy people, struggling to quietly get through the day. It's a sad way to be, and it's best not to let it get that way.

Posted by: David on November 26, 2003 09:24 PM

Rob, Rob, Rob...of course you have use for Thanksgiving! You have a great, healthy son who loves you to pieces. Your mother is fighting the cancer and winning. Oddball loves you. You have a buncha buncha readers that seek you out day after day because of your wit, honesty, and downright nastiness. You have a bionic dick that can outlast any 50 yr old man...even with viagra! LOL You not have use for Thanksgiving!? Bite your tongue...and say thanks that you felt it.
Happy Thanksgiving, Rob.

Posted by: angie on November 26, 2003 09:58 PM

Acidman, you need to read your blog.
The man who writes here has much in his life to be thankful for. Beautiful children, good friends, a great new dog, and spiffy new rifle, a Mother, decent health, he plays great music, he's talented, he's funny, he's cantankerous, many wimmen lust after him. Well, I could go on, but you get my point eh?
Happy Thanksgiving Acidman

Posted by: wanda on November 26, 2003 10:39 PM

Maybe Mom would be willing to share the limelight and let you do the turkey and Mother make the fixens(next year)? I make a big deal on Thanksgiving but *I* was hoping we'd get a fried one this year. It didn't work out and I'll be getting up at five AM to start cooking tommorow..
Its a noble gesture to give it up though. :)
Have a wonderful time tommorow..

Posted by: Trease on November 26, 2003 11:25 PM

You are truly loved. Just reading the replies to your last posting tells me that there are many out there who truly care about you. I care about you.

I understand your bitterness for all that has been done to you, but there are people out here who really do relate to what you've been through. We do care about you and want you to be content.

I don't expect you to be content anytime soon. But, think about what great things you can impart to your son, as long as you keep a good attitude and focus on him. Focus on Quinton. Take all your energy, and think about how much Quinton can benefit from all of your great qualities; your experience; your passion;

and pass that on to him. I'll use a tried and true, worn out cliche: "When the going gets tough, the tough get going."

There's also a latin phrase: "Illegitimus non carborundum"

"Don't let the bastards wear you down"

Semper Fi

Posted by: Commander Will on November 26, 2003 11:39 PM

I cannot hear or read the word Propane without thinking of Hank Hill. How is that for success?

Posted by: werbinox on November 27, 2003 01:00 AM

Stop being such a shit. If I've been reading all this correctly, you've got baskets and bushels of things to be thankful for. Count your blessings, cook yourself and Oddball a nice meal, watch the ball games on tv and kick back. Remember to take a moment for you and Oddball to say thanks to the Powers That Be for the good things you have. You DO have them!

Posted by: MaryAnn on November 27, 2003 01:15 AM

Did y'all ever notice that every once in awhile Acidman just needs his ego stroked? Acidman, do you need to see my red toe nails to make you feel better?

Posted by: Lady Mae on November 27, 2003 06:52 AM

I've got some nice red toe nails too, Acidman. Wanna glance???

Posted by: Angie on November 27, 2003 07:07 AM

I hope you get "po lil ole me" off your damned pity pot and have a nice Thanksgiving in spite of your mean-assed self.

Posted by: Larry on November 27, 2003 08:11 AM
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