Gut Rumbles

November 18, 2003

holy shit!

Every woman in the world should be afflicted with this problem. They'd be a lot easier to pick up and bed that way.

Dozens of women are suffering from a condition that makes them have hundreds of orgasms every day.

Researchers have identified the condition as persistent sexual arousal syndrome.

Got-Dam! Where do I find one of those wimmen? I've lived 51 years believing that it took wining, dining, romancing and execellent technique to give a woman 200 orgasms in a day. (Yes, I am a GOOD technician) Now I discover that they're walking around out there wetting their pants with NO EFFORT on my part? I feel cheated and lied to.

Office manager Jean said: "I looked at him in the face and said: "How would you like to walk around on the verge of an orgasm every second?" And he shut up."

Hell, that statement would NOT have shut ME up. I woulda said, "I feel your pain. I'm the same way," and grabbed me a handfull of ass as I led her to the broom closet. "You don't deserve to hover on the verge. I'm going to push you right over the edge." We could then do it standing up, with one foot of mine in a mop bucket and her hanging on to the towel rack with both hands.

Bejus! That's not an affliction. That's a Penthouse fantasy letter.

Ten victims of the rare condition have been documented by Boston University's Institute of Sexual Medicine.

Can I get their names and phone numbers? I believe that I have the same problem, and you know what people say about "birds of a feather."


Acidman, you keep me in a state of perpetual arousal. Need I say more, you teaser?

I'm getting a professional pedicure for the first time today. My nails are going to be painted bright red, too.

Posted by: Lady Mae on November 18, 2003 08:16 AM

I'm also going to buy several new pairs of sandals, just so they show all the time.

Posted by: Lady Mae on November 18, 2003 08:18 AM

"You don't deserve to hover on the verge. I'm going to push you right over the edge."

And some say that that kind of selfless chivalry is dead!


Posted by: Joan of Argghh! on November 18, 2003 08:26 AM


Instant "cure" for those is a slice of their own wedding cake. But who in their right mind would WANT'em cured?

Sloop New Dawn
Galveston, TX

Posted by: Jim on November 18, 2003 09:30 AM

Now Jim, that was just wrong. And after I flattered you for your ability to paint ambience with words...

SOME women chase their husbands and are often turned down.

Not to digress, but has anyone ever been to a sex toy party? They actually SELL these little mighty mice vibraters that are so small that you can wear them all day. They come with a remote.

Acidman, go buy one of those, put it on your woman, and YOU hang on to the remote. And there you have it. If you can't FIND a woman with this affliction, you can always simulate it!

Posted by: Key on November 18, 2003 09:44 AM

Hot damn, how does a woman *get* this affliction?

Posted by: shell on November 18, 2003 10:07 AM

Shell, I think women can get the affliction when in the constant company of rich men.

Not that I'm cynical or anything.

Posted by: Kim du Toit on November 18, 2003 01:56 PM

Oh, that was wrong Kim.

GENTLEMEN: What is it about this post that brings out the cynic in you?

There is a distinction between women that fake it and those who don't.

I plan on writing about it.

I already wrote about the difference between a shallow woman and one with depth; I'm so glad that you guys got something out of it.

Posted by: Key on November 18, 2003 03:07 PM

Shallow wimmen... depth... does that comment have anything to do with penis size?

Posted by: Acidman on November 18, 2003 03:32 PM

Yeah, I think it does, actually.

The only way that a man that lacks girth is going to be able to hang on to a shallow woman is if he has the funds necessary for her to overlook the physical deficiency.

(Okay, RUN-ON, but I don't feel like re-writing it)

Posted by: Key on November 18, 2003 03:44 PM

You got it backwards, dawg. The women with this 'syndrome' DON'T need men to feel good.

Posted by: Horse with no-- on November 19, 2003 02:42 AM

Why are we supposed to care if women have orgasms?

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