Gut Rumbles

November 15, 2003


Let's get one fucking thing straight right now.

"Barbecue" is NOT a verb. It is a noun. It is NOT an appliance. It is not a goddam grill. You may grill steaks, you may grill shrimp or you may grill pork chops. But that ain't barbecue, and I don't care what kind of sauce you put on the meat.

You make "barbecue" out of Boston butts or pork spareribs. I will brook no argument about this simple truth. You don't barbecue beef. You grill it, and there's a damned big difference between grilling beef and making barbecue. I don't want to hear any more shit about it.

I am correct and YOU ARE WRONG if you disagree.

You can grill something fast. Just turn up the gas or make a big pile of charchol on the grill and you'll be finished quickly. Genuine barbecue is something you start early in the morning (or even the night before) to make it right for a 6:00 evening supper. You cook it slowly, with lots of hickory chips and smoke to season the meat. Put the rub on at the beginning, then drink beer as you check on the meat from time to time all day long and smell that goodness while you keep adding more wood chips to the fire. Invite some friends over and pitch horse shoes to kill some time.

Put the sauce on 30 minutes before you are ready to serve.

Then, when the meat is ready, shred the Boston butts by hand. Cut the ribs with a knife (even though they'll fall apart by then) and pile them high on a big plate. Have corn on the cob, hamburger buns, a salad and some Brunswick Stew to go with it. Tell everybody, "Let's EAT!"

THAT is barbecue. It's a goddam NOUN, not a verb.


My Mother-in-law, from Arkansas, makes what she calls pulled-pork sandwiches.
Follows your recipe, has then men sit and drink and pull the pork apart, and then you serve it on buns with cole slaw on the bun also - with good sauce.

I'm from St. Louis, so I can't say I'm a Southerner, but my Mother-in-law is a true Southern Belle.

Posted by: Beth Donovan on November 15, 2003 09:58 PM

It's "pulled pork" when you tear it off the bone and shred it by hand.

Posted by: Acidman on November 15, 2003 10:05 PM

Cook it right and it's tender as a baby's kiss, too.

Posted by: Acidman on November 15, 2003 10:06 PM

Actually, with pork barbecue (or barbecue pork) the word barbecue modifies the noun which would make it an adjective.

adjective: ...typically serving as a modifier of a noun to denote a quality of the thing named, to indicate its quantity or extent, or to specify a thing as distinct from something else

Posted by: Ravenwood on November 15, 2003 10:27 PM

Damn straight. Grill all you want....

Barbecue is a true art.


Posted by: Gina on November 15, 2003 10:35 PM

Brunswick Stew. I can't remember the last time I had that. I loved it when I was a kid.

Posted by: JP on November 15, 2003 10:36 PM

Ravenwood, you are twisting my words. You use pork to make BARBECUE. Ain't no fucking adjectives involved.

Unless you want to call it GOOOOOD barbecue!

Posted by: Acidman on November 15, 2003 10:59 PM

Just as you can iron a shirt, you can barbecue meat.

I have barbecued butts, and I have barbecued brisket. The brisket takes longer than a butt (or a whole pork shoulder, which is better than a pork butt, in my estimation).

If I could only cook one type of meat ever again, I believe I would choose the pork shoulder over the brisket. However, I'm glad I don't have to make such a choice.

Posted by: Hank on November 15, 2003 11:02 PM

Acidman, ya derned stubborn Jawjah peachpit!

I don't grill beef. I put it in a smoker to slooowly cook over 12-14 hours. That's BBQ in ANYONE'S dictionary.

It's "Barbacoa", Spanish for calf's head cooked for many hours, not pig with coleslaw on it!

Posted by: El Capitan on November 15, 2003 11:52 PM

The pork barbeque is dreamy, but barbeque is the best thing to ever happen to brisket . . .

Posted by: Anne on November 16, 2003 06:13 AM

Well, technically you're right. Here in Houston, though, you may hear of people "grilling steaks" but just about any type of cooking over a pit or grill we refer to as barbecue, right or wrong.

Just like every soft drink is a "coke". If someone offers you a coke and you accept, the next question is "what flavor?"

Posted by: Kat on November 16, 2003 12:14 PM

I don't give a rat's tiny hiney WHAT you call it, Acidman, when do we EAT?

I'm sitting here with my mouth watering...


Posted by: Orion on November 16, 2003 04:21 PM

Go to Johnny Harris and go to the bar, order up some drinks and then order a bar-b-que pork plate, now that is good eating.

Posted by: Catfish on November 16, 2003 04:50 PM

Please mention pig-pickin's next time you talk about barbeque. Here in eastern NC it's an art form.

Posted by: Greg Vegas on November 17, 2003 02:22 PM

Buy this it is a wonderful addition to anyones home entertainment system.

Posted by: directv on May 28, 2004 12:46 AM
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