Gut Rumbles

November 13, 2003


Recondo 32 and I went to Oliver, Georgia, today to straighten out the tickets we received on the way to Blood Mountain. With my paperwork in hand and and a legal sticker on my license plate, they dropped the "expired tag" charges. But they hit Recondo with a $200 fine for going 57 MPH through the 35 MPH zone in their shit-assed litttle crossroad. I paid half, but he was still pissed.

"That's part of Bill Clinton's 100,000 new cops on the street," I told Recondo. "How do you think a podunk town such as Oliver affords that shiny police car and a brand-new radar gun?"

"Goddam speed-trap!" Recondo said. "I'm writing a letter to the fucking governor. Who IS the governor of this fucking bass-ackward, fucked-up state anyway?"

"Sonny Perdue," I replied. "But you can write Roy Barnes for all the good it's going to do you. Let's just go back home and call it a day. And remember never to speed again in Oliver, Georgia."

"Goddam speed-trap. Goddam fucked-up state. How can you stand to live here? I'm writing a letter to the goddam governor about this shit. $200? That's fucking outrageous! LOOK AROUND! What am I gonna hit on the road around here if I AM speeding? A fucking COW? My aching ass."

Recondo simmered down once we were away on the road a few miles. He saw a sign at a local ball field. "Jenkins is playing here this weekend," he said.

That's my old school. "They haven't had a decent football team since the year I graduated," I replied. "They once ran one of the top five programs in the state. They suck anymore."

"What made it a good program when you played there?" Recondo asked.

"Good coaches, good players and a rich booster club."

"AHA! Do you know what changed? You can't boost your own school anymore. All of the money goes into one pot and the system divides it and hands it out equally to make it fair."

"I wouldn't contribute to that kind of bullshit," I said.

"Nobody else does, either," Recondo replied. "That's why Savannah football sucks anymore."

We talked about three-a-day football practices at summer camp in Georgia and OCS School for a young man from South Carolina back in the late 60's. "You BOND with people you go through that kind of shit with," Recondo observed.

I looked at him and smiled. Yes... you BOND with those kind of people.


Shouldn't have paid it, A-man. Chances are a good traffic lawyer could have gotten the ticket dismissed or reduced for about half the cost of it.

That said, time to buy a Valentine One.

Posted by: Mr. Lion on November 13, 2003 06:21 PM

22Mph (35Kph) over the limit and you only got slugged $200? Man, you guys are lucky.

Here in Victoria, Australia, 30Kph (approx. 19Mph) over the posted limit earns you 28 days loss of licence, no ifs or buts.

If you were caught by a radar, you might just want to get the local authorities to prove it's accurate. Here we've just had autos clocked at crazy speeds (a clapped-out Datsun 120Y at 160Kph; a large truck going uphill in a tunnel at 174Kph) so the cops actually had to check some of their radar/cameras. Result: So many have been proved inaccurate they've taken them all out of service. Now some 200,000 speeding fines are in question.

Our taxes at work. Yeah, right.

Posted by: James Riley on November 13, 2003 06:27 PM

Bejus Christ, Pappy -- just the thought of you & Rick riding around cussing the Gub'nor and talking football makes my day.

Hehe, we'll have to ride over to Macon one day and I'll show ya'll how to simultaneously ruin a Moonie beggar's day and back up traffic on I-475 for a couple hours.

Hint: It involves a smoke grenade and conversational knowledge of the Communist Manifesto.

- D

Posted by: Donnie on November 13, 2003 08:31 PM

The only reason for Oliver's existence is to remember when to take a left turn to get to Statesboro. As for a cop car, and a cop, that must cost the three taxpayers there dearly.

Posted by: Velociman on November 13, 2003 10:09 PM

Truth is not determined by majority vote

Posted by: Lieber David on January 20, 2004 06:35 PM
Post a comment