Gut Rumbles

November 12, 2003

My blog-family

I stole this idea from a post somewhere down below:

Wise Grandmamma, who knows ALL the answers: mommabear, of course.

Daddy: this guy, of course. He makes Ward Cleaver look like a child molester.

Mama: Who else but kelley? She can mend your skinned toe, then break your fucking arm if you keep misbehaving.

Older Brother: Older bro' is this one. Who could doubt that fact?

Younger Brother: That would be this one, and Denny and I would whip his ass every day because he deserves it.

Twin Sister: Who else? this is my twin, for sure.

Young Brat: This would be the younger sister that Denny, Jenny and I "accidentally" tie to a fire-ant mound from time to time. you should know who I'm picking for that job.

Crazy Uncle In The Basement: Well, this guy isn't a bad choice for that job. He'd stay down there sharpening knives and cackling maniacally late at night. He'd make a good crazy uncle in the basement.

Crazy Aunt in the Attic: Well... she ain't all that crazy, but we'll keep her locked in the attic anyway. We can't let this secret out. We live the the South, for crying out loud. What will the neighbors think?

Crazy Uncle in the Front Porch Swing With All Kindza Guns: this guy, for sure.

Good-Looking Next-Door Neighbor: Well... that could be this one, this one or this one. In my ultimate fantasy, all three would live together next door and wash their cars while wearing bikinis every Saturday morning. Then, they would invite me over for a drink and gang-tackle me as soon as I entered the front door. EVERY SATURDAY!

Okay, there's my blog-family. What do YOU think?


Fair enough. I'm the kid who keeps stealing your cigarettes and flushing them down the toilet. I huck your lighters into the creek behind the house. Then I steal your box o' wine and give it to the Crazy Aunt in the Attic.

Posted by: sugarmama on November 12, 2003 03:23 PM

Yeah, I guess we couldn't possibly be directly related--- you know, since I DWARF YOU and all!

That's okay. Neighbor works.

Posted by: Key on November 12, 2003 04:10 PM

Lay off that "Dwarf" stuff, okay? You KNOW how sensitive I am about that kinda thing.

And Sugar, if you ever throw my lighter in the creek, you're going in right behind it.

Posted by: Acidman on November 12, 2003 04:34 PM

i must be that black sheep cousin that no one else in the family ever talks about...

heh heh heh

Posted by: mr. helpful on November 12, 2003 05:02 PM

I guess I'm the geeky kid down the street that nobody will play with, except I don't mind because I am too busy at the computer and reading SF to notice the doofuses.

Seeing how I don't get to be the younger brother, maybe by a different milkman as an explanation of where the hell I came from.

Posted by: Jay Solo on November 12, 2003 05:12 PM

Hey! You forgot ME! Am I not your eccentric, alcoholic cousin that lives wayyy out in California Land?!

Posted by: DogsDon'tPurr on November 12, 2003 05:41 PM

MB purely wishes she knew all the answers! 'Tain't so, though.

Posted by: MommaBear on November 12, 2003 06:30 PM

Hmph, evidently I'm the (quite literally) red-headed stepchild of blogsons. ;-)

That's a'ight, Pappy, I'll fix you when the Mrs. and I show up at the Crackerbox... it's Bombay Sapphire Gin for you, old man.

Hellfire I love it you're blogging so much lately, Rob.

- D

Posted by: Donnie on November 12, 2003 07:05 PM

I'm calling DFACS on this dysfunctional bunch, and showing them the scars where Acidman and Donnie beat me. DNA tests would be appropriate, but inconclusive. Praise Allah for that, because some of my female siblings and cousins are fine, indeed. As long as I'm the younger brother I'd also like to be the Barn Burner, or Fire Starter, as it's known these days. I'll require therapy, drugs, and institutionalization. And a copious supply of comic books.

Posted by: Velociman on November 12, 2003 08:49 PM

Kim: I never!

Well, not yet anyhow. We'll have to see how things go at the Pirate House on St. Paddy's Day ;-)

- D

Posted by: Donnie on November 12, 2003 09:17 PM

I think I'm honored. I'll mend your skinned toe anytime, and I love breaking arms!

Posted by: kelley on November 12, 2003 09:22 PM

Kelley, you remind me of my mama. She would nurse you when you were hurt, but once you were okay, she'd light into you like white on rice and beat your ass all over the yard for doing something stupid.

She never broke my arm, but I believed that she was fully capable of doing it.

Posted by: Acidman on November 12, 2003 09:37 PM

I guess you don't claim any of your children.

Posted by: Juliette on November 12, 2003 09:54 PM

* knock, knock *

Can I borrow a cup of sugar?

Posted by: a broad on November 13, 2003 12:38 AM

Thank you, Rob. After reading your post up above about your real dad, you have paid me truly a fine compliment.

Posted by: Terry Oglesby on November 13, 2003 08:11 AM

Well, I was hoping I could be your go-to receiver on the football team. Hey, there's an idea--a blog football team....Hmmm

Posted by: Adam on November 13, 2003 09:32 AM

Consolation Prize:
Donnie, Eric, I listed you guys as family on my humble blog.

Posted by: Key on November 13, 2003 04:24 PM

Ahhh you mentioned all but your illegitimate blog children. Since I am the baby I think I will just go to my corner and cry now. *sniff* *sniff*

Posted by: Lady on November 14, 2003 12:03 AM
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