Gut Rumbles

November 07, 2003

gotta go

I really want to visit australia some day. I am willing to suffer the incredible crick in my ass that I KNOW I will develop from riding a plane that far, but I think the pain might be worth the experience. I believe that I can get along with those people.

They remind me of Southerners.


I want to get there to visit relatives.

Of course, I expect to be cowering in fear the whole time because of the funnel-web spider, the blue-ringed octopus, and various other ridiculously dangerous animals.

Is Foster's a cure, or does it just make you not care?

Posted by: wheels on November 7, 2003 08:22 PM

Get me a ticket there and I have two incredible places for us to stay. Places that NO ONE else would ever get a chance to put on their itinerary as "lodging"

Posted by: Da Goddess on November 7, 2003 08:28 PM

They may be a bit farther south than you, but...Southerners?

Have you reviewed their gun policies lately?

Posted by: Hank on November 7, 2003 08:33 PM

Okay, Hank. Aussies are fucked-up about guns, but they have some damn fine wimmen down there.

Posted by: Acidman on November 7, 2003 08:46 PM

Is that the Hank I think it is?

If it is he knows me...

Posted by: Guy Montag on November 7, 2003 09:15 PM

You gotta talk to us before you go to Australia. Yeah, they're "fine." Imagine a country where 90% of the women are in BCs image. Are you crazy man? Do you know your weakness for fine looking BCs?

Posted by: Mrs. du Toit on November 7, 2003 09:15 PM

Hey, A-man! Thanks for the link. I figgered you'd enjoy the pics.

Aussies are a "different" breed, without a doubt. A cornucopia of dichotomy. They'll encourage the self-sufficient, outback image abroad, but bejus help you if you suggest doing away with the dole. Nobody trusts the government, but they're happy to pay damn-near Soviet levels of income tax. Most folks get every chance to prove themselves as individuals, but you'll still hear words referring to certain ethnic groups used in casual language that'd get you slapped with a lawsuit back in the US. And don't get me going on the gun laws.

I've had sumthin cookin up in my head on that whole topic of "what is Australia" for a while. I'll drop you a line when it's finally down.

Fosters is simply not consumed down here. It's for tourists and sports events. Victoria Bitter -- aka VB -- is more like the Budweiser of Australia. I admire Fosters (whose brewery actually produces a number of other fine labels) for the simple reason that they let 20-odd other brands fight over a country of 19-million and instead sold themselves to the the world as Aussie for Beer.

And the wimmen are truly fine.

Posted by: Seppo on November 7, 2003 09:16 PM

Random comment from a first time reader...

Australia is an interesting place. You should definitely come visit. I'm from San Francisco, but have lived here for four years.

Sure, the Aussie's are a bit backwards, they hate Steve Irwin and they say that Fosters is Australian for piss, but they're a nice group of people and they can drink any American I know under the table :)

And oh yes, the plane ride is a bitch.

Posted by: Morgan on November 7, 2003 09:18 PM

Yes, Connie. I AM crazy.

Posted by: Acidman on November 7, 2003 09:21 PM

Actually, I'll second the lovely Mrs Du Toit's comment. Them Aussie girls is all right, but would you want your brother marrying one? (but who's talkin' about marriage?)

Posted by: Seppo on November 7, 2003 09:30 PM

Acid, be sure to go to a cricket match -- preferably a one-day international against England.

You will NEVER watch baseball again without giggling.

Posted by: Kim du Toit on November 7, 2003 09:35 PM

To prevent that crick in your ass just stop here in lala land for a few days. We will take you to Yosemite and you will never want to go back to GA. When you see one of those REAL trees you will just want to sit there and look at it the rest of your life. Maybe a nice trip to Malibu Beach would be just the ticket. No ... you might have a heart attack or Rosco might expode from the all the excitment of an old man watching all that blond beauty parade by. When you leave here you stop in Hawaii for a few days then Fiji for a few days, then on to OZ and you will avoid that permanent crick in the ass.

Posted by: LP on November 7, 2003 10:41 PM

Well, hell, I ain't gonna argue about the wimmen, that's fer damn sure!

I'm west of the Mississippi, so I don't think I'm the Hank you're thinking of.

Posted by: Hank on November 7, 2003 11:11 PM

All the U.S. Navy sailors who have had shore leave in Sydney should have stories about the wonderful reception those Aussie girls give our sailors.

Before leaving for Japan, one of my nephews was given a briefing by an uncle from the other side of his family. The advice included directions to the location of bulletin boards filled with offers from Aussie girls to be a sailor's guide to Australia hospitality.

During his next trip home, my 21-year-old nephew almost blushed while trying to not tell too much to members of his family, primarily his mother and grandmother.

Posted by: Ms Anna on November 8, 2003 06:19 AM

That's MY HOME TOWN!!!
Life is good.
The sun shines, the beer's cold, the women are friendly, the beaches are clean, the surf's great (except in Victoria), the roads go forever, and everyone waves to each other.
Don't tell anyone, they'll all want to come here.
Forget about the Steve Irwin bullshit, I've never been bitten by a crocodile.
(Three snakes, 5 spiders, a lizard thing about 5 feet long, but never a croc)
A-man, youve faced down a rattler, you have nothing to worry about in Australia.
Americans are our mates, and are always welcome.
No grits, though, I think they are against the law.

Posted by: Pedro the Ignorant on November 8, 2003 07:28 AM

I want to try some vegemite.

Posted by: Acidman on November 8, 2003 09:13 AM

No you don't.

Posted by: Andrea Harris on November 8, 2003 09:03 PM
Post a comment