Gut Rumbles
 

October 23, 2003

interview questions

I want to interview somebody. I don't have a specific candidate in mind (although Nichole Kidman would be okay if she agreed to sit nekkid in a hot tub with me) so I'm just going to throw some questions out there. Answer if you want to. If you don't want to answer, then BITE ME. It ain't like I'm going to die if you don't respond.

1) Does anybody really see a correlation between the size of a man's feet or his nose and the size of his penis?

2) If you are a woman, would you ever get a tit-job? If so, why?

3) If you are a man, would you buy a bionic Roscoe if your dick quit working? If so, why?

4) Did you ever sleep with someone and wake up in the morning unable to remember their name? If not, WHY NOT?

5) Which would you rather have for a pet? A DOG or a CAT? If you answer "cat," you've got some serious explaining to do.

6) Do you eat grits for breakfast?

7) What is the most dumb-ass thing you ever did in your life? Was it fun or has it haunted you for years?

8) Do you exceed the speed limit regularly when you drive, or just do it occasionally? Don't tell me that you NEVER SPEED you lying shit! Tell the truth!

9) Describe the happiest day you can remember living.

10) Do you believe that some things are worth dying for? If so, name one thing worth dying for and tell me why you feel so strongly about it.

Feel free to answer in my comments or email me.

Comments

1) Nope. I've seen little guys with bigger packages than I imagined they would have and bigger guys with smaller packages.

2) Yes, to go a little smaller (yes, SMALLER) and hoist those puppies up a coupla inches.

3) N/A

4) At the time I remembered their names, but I couldn't tell you every name now.

5) DOGS - I have two!

6) Not every morning, but I have had them and like them. You have to make them with the right amount of salt, butter and cheese is yummy, too.

7) At a high school party I got trashed then felt the need to drive my friend's car home. Scraped the car parked next to hers. At the time, it was embarrassing, mostly just having to come clean with my parents and going to court. Now, doesn't faze me.

8) Daily - usually on the way HOME from work, but never TO work!

9) Hubster and I eloped to Vegas - I'd have to say those 5 days were the best. I didn't want to come back.

10) As a woman, I'd have to say my dignity. If some asswipe wanted to rape me; he'd better be into necrophilia.

Posted by: GrumpyBunny on October 23, 2003 12:52 PM

I sent you an e-mail.

Posted by: Langus on October 23, 2003 12:59 PM

I sent you an e-mail.

Posted by: Langus on October 23, 2003 01:00 PM

1. Unfortunately, I haven't done enough research...
2. Yes. Flopping your way down the stairs isn't fun; neither is wearing a bra.
3. Not a man, but if I were, I would do whatever it took. Life without sex is cookies without chocolate chips.
4. See #1. (I've been married since puberty.)
5. I've had rabbits, chickens, cats, dogs, and a goat named "Willie Coochie." I currently have an awesome cat that acts more like a lazy dog, a neurotic (typical) cat, and a skittish dog that I saved from the pound.
6. Only at WH.
7. Climbed Stone Mountain---on the carving side---was clinging to sewage lines for survival toward the top.
8. Demon. Insurance is trying to drop me.
9. The birth of my child.
10. My child. A thousand times over if I could.
And Honor. (And I like Grumpy Bunny's answer too.)

Posted by: christine on October 23, 2003 01:12 PM

There are people who NEVER SPEED. I am always behind those people. In fact, there are people who regularly drive 10-15 mph UNDER the speed limit. I haven't figured out why those people do not ride bicycles instead.

Posted by: sugarmama on October 23, 2003 01:13 PM

I posted the answers on my site. But here they are:

1) Does anybody really see a correlation between the size of a man's feet or his nose and the size of his penis?

God damn right. I have a size 13 shoe. In Nike's? 14.

2) If you are a woman, would you ever get a tit-job? If so, why?

Hellz yea, because I'd want to play with those fun bags all day long!

3) If you are a man, would you buy a bionic Roscoe if your dick quit working? If so, why?

I would do anything to get Mr. Johnson back in the game. Gotta stay in the game, otherwise you'll end being a catcher.

4) Did you ever sleep with someone and wake up in the morning unable to remember their name? If not, WHY NOT?

Nah. I have a good memory. Plus, I made sure I got their name first before I dropped the pill in their drink.

5) Which would you rather have for a pet? A DOG or a CAT? If you answer "cat," you've got some serious explaining to do.

I want a dog, but have a god damn cat that I want to strangle. The wife hosed me into getting it.

6) Do you eat grits for breakfast?

Fuck no. I'm a Yankee. We don't eat grits up north. Shit's nasty. I'd rather scrape gum off the street in NY and eat it.

7) What is the most dumb-ass thing you ever did in your life? Was it fun or has it haunted you for years?

I started a blog (SageOne's Zen Garden), then started one more (Bawstin Sports Pundits). They haunts me every friggin' day.

8) Do you exceed the speed limit regularly when you drive, or just do it occasionally? Don't tell me that you NEVER SPEED you lying shit! Tell the truth!

I speed all the time. 20 in a school zone? Yea, right.

9) Describe the happiest day you can remember living.

I could say it was the day I got married or when I found out I was going to be a dad for the first time or when I found out I was going to be a home owner. But nah, that's faggy shit...this is for Acidman so I'll keep it raw. It was in high school, junior year. Getting my first really good BJ in the library stacks.

10) Do you believe that some things are worth dying for? If so, name one thing worth dying for and tell me why you feel so strongly about it.

Without a doubt, it would be my wife and my soon to be child. I would do anything to protect them and give my life for theirs.

Posted by: SageOne on October 23, 2003 01:21 PM

1) Well, I have size 11 1/2 feet, and I'm not exactly hurting in the other department. That said, I haven't had a lot of experience with nekkid guys, so...

2) Not a woman.

3) Hell yes. A non-functioning Roscoe would drive me to insanity and/or suicide inside of a year.

4) Yup.

5) A cat. But not just any cat, no. A big'un. Had dogs for years growing up as a lad, so I like 'em both.

6) Hell yes. With meat, eggs, and more meat.

7) Completely forgot half the lines to a stage show. One which I was performing in at the time. Improv doesn't work well for Shakespeare. Still haunts me to this day.

8) Regularly, and by a healthy margin.

9) Opening night in my first professional stage production. I bawled like a baby afterwords, thanks to several thousand audience members who gave us two standing ovations.

10) Yes. Friendship and Freedom. If you won't take one for a friend, you aren't one, and living as a slave is worse than not living at all.

Posted by: Mr. Lion on October 23, 2003 01:30 PM

1) Abslolutely. The bigger the feet, the larger the load they can balance.

2) Absofuckinglutely.

3)Definitely. Might even look into having two of those puppies installed.

4) Before I got married on most weekend mornings, I always had to ask myself two things: Where am I? And what is her name?

5)I have two dogs. Cats suck.

6) Sorry, no grits I am not from the South. I do however feast down South on occassion.

7) Jumped out of a perfectly good friggin airplane cause my then girlfriend was going to do it and my macho stupid ass self couldn't allow for such a blow to my ego.

8) I speed every single time I drive. No exceptions.

9) Unfortunately, my wedding day. Still on my honeymoon three years later.

10) There are many things worth dying for. My wife, my family, my country, my freedom, your freedom, our freedom...

Posted by: Val Prieto on October 23, 2003 01:40 PM

By the way, ACIDMAN, very insightful questions; I didn't realize it until I started reading the other posts. ...Creative way to get some background info out of those of us who don't blog!

Posted by: christine on October 23, 2003 01:44 PM

1) Nope, if they have talent then the size doesn't matter anyway (well, not much).

2) Nope, mine are small but with highly responsive nipples and I wouldn't want to take a chance on losing that.

3) N/A.

4) I can't remember their names now, but I could at the time. My best buddie told me years ago to call them all honey, babe or sweetie and that way you never screw up.

5) Dog, always.

6) Nope, don't eat grits.

7) Got married a second time after being single 9 years. He's been good to my daughters and I love his family so it hasn't haunted me but I've never been able to figure out why the Hell I did it.

8) I thought speed limits were just a suggestion, you mean we're supposed to actually drive that slowly?

9) Two of them, the days my daughters were born.

10) Yes. (A) my children; (B) my freedom; (c) my personal integrity. My children because I gave them life and I would give mine to save theirs if it were ever necessary. My freedom and my personal integrity are self-explanatory, I am not myself without both of those things.

BTW - you posit the most interesting questions of any blogger I read regularly.

Posted by: Merry on October 23, 2003 02:17 PM

I went to J-Skool, Christine. I know how to do a good interview.

Posted by: Acidman on October 23, 2003 02:18 PM

1. Don't know about anyone else, but my fiancÚ isn't complaining. It pays to be a well-rounded lover.

2. Speaking as a guy, I prefer a nice juicy butt to boobies. My gal thought about a tit-job once, but I'd never ask her to do it for me.

3. I'd put a splint on the little guy if that's all I had to work with.

4. No, but I dated Katy, Cat, Kathy, Catherine, Karina & Kelly in succession so there were plenty of times when I screwed up the names just in conversation.

5. Up until recently I've always had both. Right now I have five cats, but the moment I own a house again I'll be getting a pair of big dogs too. I miss my Elkhound & German Sheperd.

6. I have, but not recently. I'm lucky to swallow two eggs & some OJ on my way out to work.

7. This question could be several blog entries for me. For this comment I'll say dropping out of college. I shouldn't have been so stubborn when my mother nagged me to stay in school. It would've saved me the hassle of working plus night classes 12 years later.

8. I got my first speeding ticket on a motorcycle when I was twelve. Yeah, I got a lead foot.

9. The day I proposed to my fiancÚ. She responded with "So you think you can handle me huh?"

10. Without hesitation I'd take a bullet for family or friends. I was also the guy that smacked the bully over the head with a chair when he was takin' other kids lunch money. I didn't win a lot of fights when I was younger, but I never backed down from one.

Posted by: A.J. on October 23, 2003 03:31 PM

Hey, been reading for few days, but this one really caught my interest. Hope you don't mind!

1. Nope. Had a lot of fun speculating, though.

2. Nope, already have enough up here. Smaller might actually be good.

4. Never have. Why not? I grew up in Utah, had a very repressed early adulthood, and got filled with all kinds of 'good girls don't DO that' crap. Then, I got married.

5. Dog. Either a black lab or a golden retriever.

6. Not anymore. I was born in NC, though, so it was a staple for awhile.

7. Drove home totally shitfaced one night, the only time I ever got drunk, a year too young to be drinking. Had open containers in the back seat of my car and everything. It scares the fuck out of me to think about now. Goddamn, I was lucky.

8. All. The. Time. Except through school zones.

9. My wedding day (husband number two), few months ago. Best day of my life.

10. My husband, my mom, and my brother. My family is everything to me. Because of them, I am who I am today.

Posted by: Liz on October 23, 2003 03:38 PM

sent via email

Posted by: El Capitan on October 23, 2003 04:03 PM

1. Never worried about shit like that.

2. N/A.

3. Don't know. Maybe.

4. Nope. If I was going to spend the whole night with her, you can be damn sure I knew her name first. Quickies, however, are a whole 'nother story.

5. Neither. Pets are a pain in the ass. Maybe a dog or two if I lived out in the country.

6. No.

7. Volunteered for some dangerous shit in the army. Haunted me ever since.

8. I never speed unless by mistake on an open road / interstate. Speed restrictions are generally there for a good reason, and I hate giving the fucking State my money, on principle. (None of the above applied when we still had that fuck-nugget 55mph limit, but since that's been raised, I'm quite happy to do 65 or 70.)

9. I've had too many to identify any one specific day.

10. Freedom. Without that, life isn't worth living. Sounds corny, but it's true.

Posted by: Kim du Toit on October 23, 2003 04:08 PM

1.Depends on where his feet(or nose) are at the time?.....hehehe
2. Hell No!!!...have you seen that surgery? Leave my nips alone....shoot....they put 'em in a metal dish till they're ready to reattach 'em.
At 38FF, I'm not letting a knife near 'em!!!
3. N/A
4. HAHAHA....ive gone to bed with men without knowing their names BEFORE we hit the sack! I'm real bad with names...but ive never forgotten a big pair of feet...lol
5. Dog!!!
Who wants to invite someone to sit on their couch when it smells like cat piss!!!
6. EWWWWWW----cant stare a grit in the eye any time of the day....and I feel the same way about okra, chitlins, okra and black eyed peas.
What is that sound? utoh!!! I set off your Yankee in the house alarm....lol
7. Moved to Toccoa, Georgia. Cost me 2 years of my life ...and my sanity.
8. Hell yessssss!---why do you think the struts are shot on my car?...hitting them potholes at 65 mph-----
9. Cant remember...been too long
10.I think it'd be more interesting to ask...what is worth killing for?
Smooches, KIT

Posted by: KIT on October 23, 2003 04:39 PM

1) Does anybody really see a correlation between the size of a man's feet or his nose and the size of his penis?
A: If I had spent any time conducting research on that subject, I probably would have ended up a bloody spot on the locker room floor.

2) If you are a woman, would you ever get a tit-job? If so, why?
A: N/A, but I admire Tim McGraw for convincing Faith not to mess with perfection.

3) If you are a man, would you buy a bionic Roscoe if your dick quit working? If so, why?
A: Amazingly, Acidman doesn't give me enough info. Will I have feeling? Is it just for the purpose of keeping the wife happy? Making her happier?

4) Did you ever sleep with someone and wake up in the morning unable to remember their name? If not, WHY NOT?
A: No. Pleasuring a woman is a lot more than what you can do with Tongoe and Roscoe. The most important sexual organ on a woman is her mind. Romance requires spending some time making a woman feel special. Really good things are worth some effort.

5) Which would you rather have for a pet? A DOG or a CAT? If you answer "cat," you've got some serious explaining to do.
A: Cats exist to keep coyotes and wolves from becoming extinct. The only thing more wasteful of skin is creatures who have embroidered pillows that say, "Cats are children in little fur coats."

6) Do you eat grits for breakfast?
A: At least twice a week. Never instant. And whenever possible with some leftover barbecued pork loin and the best over-easy eggs you ever put in your mouth.

7) What is the most dumb-ass thing you ever did in your life? Was it fun or has it haunted you for years?
A: Two things. While practicing solo touch-n-go's at age 16, I once decided to do full flaps approach in a Piper Cherokee at Lake City, FL. Forgot to lower my nose enough to compensate and was only 40 feet over the pinetrees before I realized my airspeed was BELOW stall speed. YIKES! Hit the throttle just in time. Made me a better pilot.
At 19, I volunteered to crew a chase boat in the North Pacific in December, following a seismic exploration vessel. My boat was a wooden party (fishing) boat built in 1923 and not intended for use in 40' seas and 60 knot winds. The radar was 23 years old and being run off a 12 volt car battery and charger plugged into the generator. We were out north of Point Concepcion for 8 days. How we survived I still don't know. Made me smarter.

8) Do you exceed the speed limit regularly when you drive, or just do it occasionally? Don't tell me that you NEVER SPEED you lying shit! Tell the truth!
A: Speed limits exist primarily as revenue enhancers for local governments, and only slightly as safety regul