Gut Rumbles

October 17, 2003


Chickens are the nastiest birds in the world. They'll shit in their food and water, they will cannabalize their dead and they'll fuck non-stop all day. That's what chickens do. I know. I once raised them.

I had 28 hens and four roosters. "Foghorn" was a Rhode Island Red and cock of the walk. He didn't take any shit from anybody in the chicken coop and he was always willing to drill a hen. I also had "Slick Red," who stayed in the rafters most of the time, until he saw Foghorn occupied with drilling. Then, Red would swoop down and get some, too. If Foghorn noticed him, Red always flew back to sit in the rafters before he got his ass handed to him. He usually got some pussy first, because chickens don't take very long when they are pasasionate. I don't think the hens knew what hit them sometimes.

I miss my chicken coop. I got about 12 eggs every day out of there and a fresh egg is different from what you buy in the grocery store. The yolks are more yellow and they stand up higher when you cook them over-easy. The eggs are more yellow and fluffy if you scramble them.

But be careful. If you have a "setting hen." you may find an egg that you THINK is fresh and crack it to discover an embryonic chicken inside. That's kinda disgusting on a Saturday morning.

It's not as bad as finding your wife in bed with another man on a Thursday night, but what the fuck? We've got roosters, hens and cunts in the world.

They all do what they do.


I have to agree about the chickens, having also raised them. And the eggs. Eggs from the store tend to be ancient and watery.

Yet we shouldn't harm da poor liddle crittas! They should be treated mercifully on their way to becoming original and extra crispy.

Posted by: Jay Solo on October 17, 2003 09:06 PM

"...crack it to discover an embryonic chicken inside"

I did that once when I quickly cracked open an egg and dropped it onto a hot pan. The smell just about made me vomit.

Posted by: toddk73 on October 17, 2003 10:31 PM

Timely, considering the Pam Anderson PETA crusade against KFC that was just announced. I'm a breast man myself.

Posted by: jpd on October 17, 2003 11:06 PM

I have four hens and a rooster now, damn man, I just got over when that happened to me! No eggs benny for anyone this weekend. They can all eat cold freakin pizza!

Posted by: Jeffinna (jennifer) on October 17, 2003 11:12 PM

I had a friend who ran a chicken farm, and it was brutal. I live in the " Poultry Capitol " and see those poor things being moved to slaughter houses in those tight cages in all kinds of weather. I do feel bad for them, but not bad enough to stop fiwing chicken and dumplings once every other week.
Also- alot different from having your own coop, do you know what they pump into those chickens to have them mature from chicks to hens in 6 weeks flat ?
All our kids will test positive for steroids in the future !

Posted by: siso on October 18, 2003 07:44 AM

Chickens are the nastiest birds in the world.

Anything that tastes that good BBQ'd in scotch and garlic can't be all bad.

Posted by: Mr. Lion on October 18, 2003 11:43 AM

i got one of those embryonic eggs at the grocery store once. what a shock that was. fucking sick as hell

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