Gut Rumbles

October 12, 2003

aim, dammit!

Do ALL young men have trouble hitting the toilet? Are Quinton and Jack TYPICAL when they just whip out their little peckers and go pissing in whatever direction they happen to be facing at the time? Those nasty little shits are disgusting.

If they hit the commode, that's great. If they don't, it's no big deal. They'll just piss all over the floor and run off to play.

I think I did better than that at their age.


If they're like my kids were, they waited until the absolute last possible moment to go.

Aim? They made it to the toilet by the skin of their teeth and kinda exploded! The only aim mine had was to finish and get back to what they were doing (which was usually playing outside. It didn't seem so much a problem when they were stuck indoors.)

They'll grow out of it about the same time as they discover girls.

Posted by: Debbye on October 12, 2003 08:31 AM

Maybe Quinton and Jack need to scrub the toilet area. Give 'em a couple of old toothbrushes and a bucket of soapy water.

Posted by: Ron Morris on October 12, 2003 08:44 AM

I grew up with four brothers and this bathroom behavior accurately describes what went on in our home. My brothers were so bad that they wouldn't even lift the lid until my father caught brother Bill pissing on the seat and then made him sit on it.

Posted by: Susie on October 12, 2003 08:44 AM

What Ron said. My son used to have a real problem with this (okay, *he* had no problem with it at all; but it pissed me off to no end - pun intended). After three separate cleaning sessions (and yes - with an old toothbrush), we've had no further incidents, and it's been months. Disincentives, baby. Disincentives. :-)

Posted by: Kathleen on October 12, 2003 09:52 AM

It's not just Quinton or Jack, Acidman.

Growing up, I personally rotted out not one but two baseboard covers for our forced hot water radiators...

Hence why, when I built my house, I made sure that the heaters in the bathrooms were several feet away from the toilet...

Posted by: Guy Montag on October 12, 2003 10:47 AM

Make 'em pee in the backyard until they do it properly.

Posted by: Kim du Toit on October 12, 2003 12:08 PM

1. I second Kim's suggestion

2. Paint a target inside the bowl. A bullseye or a bug or something. Men (including the larval form) can't resist the allure of competition.

Posted by: shell on October 12, 2003 12:55 PM

Okay, I got a houseful of boys around here. A man 44, a boy 16, a boy 13, and a boy 3 - all of whom have trouble hitting the spot, as it were. But I think I've solved the's my method:

I keep 2 things by every toilet in the house. One is a baggie of cheerios, the other is a pack of disinfectant wipes (Clorox makes 'em, Windex makes 'em - pick you a brand). When one of those bad aimers goes to the bathroom, they throw a cheerio in the toilet. Then it becomes a game for them to try to sink the cheerio by hitting it. If they miss, they use one of the wipes to get the spill. Throw it in and flush.

It works around here! Good luck.

Posted by: kelley on October 12, 2003 02:00 PM

The TARGET system works in european urinals very well...they all have a fly in 3-D embossed at just the right spot to guarantee that everything goes exactly where it's supposed to, every time.

The gentleman from Holland who is now running JFK International Airport had all the urinals replaced with that style; it has cut the cleaning costs in the men's rooms by almost half.

Posted by: MommaBear on October 12, 2003 02:24 PM

I love Kelley's idea. I don't think Kim's would work, though. They'd get to likin' it better. Less rules outside, don'tcha know...
My Dad has always peed outside every chance he gets and he's in his sixties. (Of course, he also used to go across the road to get the mail in his UNDERWEAR and a pair of boots. What a lovely sight that was!)

If anybody does solve this particular problem, can we fix WIMMEN next? Talk about people with bad aim! Shit, wimmen pee on more toilet seat acreage than any man ever has. What's even more disgusting is that they damn well know they've done it and they leave it.
That's just plain rude.

In the meantime, why should guys try any harder than women do?

Posted by: Stevie on October 12, 2003 06:00 PM

Yeah, women's restrooms are nasty. What's up with not lifting the seat if you aren't going to sit on it, or not wiping after yourself?

I think the difference is that women are neat and tidy at home and icky in public. Men make their messes at home, but are neater in public (unless alcohol is involved) because they have urinals .

Posted by: shell on October 12, 2003 06:19 PM

Sounds like Spenser.

I make him clean the bathroom up after because I got tired of doing it. His aim improved greatly.

Posted by: Da Goddess on October 12, 2003 11:37 PM

Well, there's always the "split stream" and "woody/fire hose" excuses. My boys were all pigs, but their moms made em clean up their own messes.

Posted by: Larry on October 14, 2003 09:41 AM

This reminds me of my son a few years ago when he was about 8 years old. It was dead of winter here, about 20 degrees and we had just been dumped with about 4 feet of snow. My son and one of his buddies were out in the yard building snow caves. They were having so much fun that neither one of them wanted to take 2 seconds to come in the house to go pee, so my son whipped it out right there in one of the caves and went for it! Ohhh how cold that must've been! But the mess in the bathroom is another story, it must be harder for the men to hit the target since they don't get to go at it a point blank range like us wimmen!

Posted by: Alaska Kim on October 14, 2003 12:30 PM

'Scuse me .. laughing so hard I gotta go pee!

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