Gut Rumbles

October 09, 2003

roscoe update

I've been doing a lot better lately.

I think most of the soreness is gone now, and even though I still carry a semi-boner all the time because of the implants, I'm not as tender as I was and it gives me a constant bulge in the britches that most men would kill for.

I just have one or two problems.

When my next-door neighbor comes home from work and clicks her garage door opener from the car, her garage door goes up. So does Roscoe. I tried to get the same results from MY garage-door opener, but I must not have the correct frequency.

I've tried to buy that special clicker from her, but she locks the door and calls 911 if I yell "I WANT IT!" at her. What is wrong with that woman? I mean, it's not like it's HER that I want, although I wouldn't kick her out of bed. I just want HER GARAGE DOOR OPENER.

I offered to swap mine for hers. She asked why. I told her. She called 911.

I am TIRED of the police showing up at my house all the time. They damn near took me to jail last night because I offered to show a lady cop how the garage-door technology worked on a bionic dick. I was looking down the barrels of two 9mms and one thirty-eight before I could get my belt undone. And that bitch next door was running the garage door up and down the entire time.

I think the bitch next door hates me. She knew EXACTLY what she was doing. I got handcuffed and patted down before the cops let me go. The lady cop helped with the frisking. She checked my crotch for weapons.

I have her phone number now.


Before your surgery they could've booked you for assault with a dead weapon.

Posted by: Ralph Gizzip on October 9, 2003 05:57 PM

See? Just the other day I was sayin' that men are goofy...

Posted by: Stevie on October 9, 2003 05:58 PM


The mental images incurred by reading that post ought to keep me laughing for days.

Posted by: Chablis on October 9, 2003 06:46 PM

YOU are one sick, twisted, seriously deranged perverted individual. And I mean that as a compliment.

Posted by: BJK on October 9, 2003 08:00 PM

Rob, build a Faraday cage around crackerbox (this prevents her from controlling Roscoe), and find out what brand of garage openner controller she has. Go down to the hardware store and buy yourself one. It shouldn't be too difficult for you to find what code she uses.

Now you can be on demand to your partner at a click of a button.

Posted by: BigFire on October 9, 2003 09:53 PM

I just know one day when your neighbor is playing with her opener-thingy you're gonna kick someone where you oughtna and end up in a whole lotta trouble...

Posted by: Ron on October 10, 2003 09:45 AM

That is one hell of a funny story. It seems too fantastic to believe, but I don't care, I'm linking that jem !

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