Gut Rumbles

August 28, 2003

the f-word

I like the word "fuck."

It probably is the most functional word in the entire English language. It is nuanced and multi-dimensional, appropriate (or inappropriate for all you blue-noses out there) for any occasion. Just think about it. You meet a good-looking woman and talk to a friend the next day.

"Heh. I fucked her on the first date," you brag. Then, six months later, she maxes out your credit cards, steals your dog and runs off with a used-car salesman.

You tell the same friend, "Man, she really fucked me."

Wait a minute. When you fucked HER it was good, but when she fucked YOU it was bad? I am confused here.

"Fuck you," is a proper response right here.

I'm not really sure what that means. People who don't want to have sex with me say it all the time. It gets me all fucked-up.

After people who tell me to go fuck myself get me all fucked-up, I may start to think about how confused I am and go fuck-up something I was supposed to do correctly. Then, if the boss finds out, I am fucked.

Is that fucked-up, or what? Why is nothing ever fucked-down?

Did you ever reach for something and have someone say, "Hey! Don't fuck with that!" You'll pull your hand back right away. Then, when you think about it, you'll grab what you were reaching for and say, "Fuck this thing anyway. I'm not gonna break it."

"I'll fuck you up if you do."

"In your fucking dreams."

"You have a fucked-up attitude."

"You live in a fucking dump."

"Don't you fuck with me!"

"Aw, go fuck yourself."

I don't want to fuck YOU, fuck WITH you or even fuck with anything you own. I want to go back to that good-looking woman that started this post.

I love the F-word.


a little too much George Carlin this morning, Rob??

Posted by: Jim S on August 28, 2003 07:50 AM

You know, I used to wonder how the little blue critters could use "smurf" as an all-purpose word.

Turned out they was just swearin'.


Posted by: McGehee on August 28, 2003 08:01 AM

Fuck yea.

Posted by: Amy on August 28, 2003 08:13 AM

It wasn't George Carlin. I think my muse got laid really well last night.

Posted by: Acidman on August 28, 2003 08:37 AM

My all-time favorite: Fuck you, you fucking fuck!

Does any other word have such versatility? I don't think so....

Posted by: Heather on August 28, 2003 09:24 AM

He he he!

Posted by: Brent on August 28, 2003 10:40 AM

Have I got a WAV file for you!

Posted by: Ralph Gizzip on August 28, 2003 11:09 AM

Here's an original insight of mine: did you know there are three homonyms for fucker?

First, the obvious one: F-U-C-K-E-R, as in "Being broke and horny is a fucker."

Then, F-U-C-K-apostrophe-E-R, as in "Here's twenty bucks son, show your date a good time. Just be sure to use a rubber if you fuck'er."

Finally, F-U-C-K-apostrophe-R-E, as in "Where the fuck're my shoes? Where the fuck're my pants?" etc.

Posted by: dipnut on August 28, 2003 12:34 PM

Graffiti conversation I read off the bathroom stall at a fishery in Alaska:
-Matt from backdock is a fucking fuck fucker.
-As if anyone gave a motherfucking fuck. Fucker.
-matt sucks fucking fuck motherfucker fucker fuck fucking fuck fuck.

Note: I have met Matt, and he may be a fuck fucker, but he is certainly not a -fucking- fuck fucker.

Posted by: Nate on August 28, 2003 05:22 PM

The profanity ``fuck'' isn't a verb; it's an epithet. ``Fuck you'' isn't an imperative, in particular. It allows none of the forms that imperatives do, like ``Fuck you quickly,'' ``Please fuck you,'' ``Don't fuck you,'' ``Do fuck you,'' ``I said to fuck you,'' ``Fuck you, won't you?'' etc.

In general, profanity just makes a convenience of grammar and colors the whole utterance: the ``the fuck'' in ``What the fuck are you doing?'' is formally adjectival but that analysis misses the point of it. It's adjectival just to get into the sentence, but it colors the whole thing.

Profanity assumes a certain relation between speaker and hearer that has been granted by the hearer; it's rude when it assumes this relation and it has not been granted. That's the point of it, in fact, when it wants to be rude. There needs to be rudeness.

What words assume this rude function varies widely across languages. The referents hardly matter, but there have to be rude words.

When the relation is granted, profanity is easy and comfortable instead.

Posted by: Ron Hardin on August 28, 2003 06:32 PM

Meanwhile in the Washington Post

``The "Blaster.B" version of the infection, which began spreading Aug. 13, was remarkably similar to the original Blaster worm that struck two days earlier; experts said its author made few changes, including renaming the infecting-file from "msblast" to an anatomical reference.''

And the fix can't be printed in newspapers!

Posted by: Ron Hardin on August 29, 2003 03:58 AM

We are never truly sure of our beliefs.

Posted by: Heintz Adam on December 10, 2003 03:38 PM

The way to love anything is to realize it might be lost.

Posted by: Rice Sonja on December 20, 2003 08:02 PM

Hi...I´m just surfed in and want to say hello!
Regards George

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To be a human without passion is to be dead.

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Genius is of no country.

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It does not matter how slowly you go, so long as you do not stop.

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