Gut Rumbles

August 10, 2003


When I got my bionic implant, my mama asked me why in the hell I wanted to do such a thing. She said, "Robbie (she still calls me 'Robbie'), after the troubles you've been through, I'm suprised that you ever want to even TALK to another woman again."

Yeah, I've been shat upon and spat upon and dragged through the courts like a criminal. Wimmen have cost me a lot of money, a lot of property and broken my heart more than once. But I love them just the same. I couldn't explain it to my mama. Hell, I can't explain it to ME.

I don't believe that I display obsessive misogyny. I believe that wimmen are an alien race that I will never understand, but I fear them more than I hate them. I hate specific ones, but I don't hate the entire breed. I like pussy too much to do that.

Some wimmen hate me back. That's okay. I don't get along with everybody.

But some wimmen also believe that I am charming, humorous, outgoing and fun to be around. They like my cooking and the way I sing when I play guitar. They read this blog, too.

Wimmen piss me off with some of the shit they pull, but they smell good, feel soft and are just so DIFFERENT that I am hopelessly intrigued by them. I'll never get over the sense of wonder that they give me. They scare me to death, but I think that's part of the fascination. Me=moth, Wimmen=flame. Those hormone-riddled bags of mostly water sure can make you feel good sometimes.

They can be the most underhanded, heartless, two-timing, blood-sucking, cat-nasty bitches in the world. They also can make you thrill to get home from work as quickly as you can to be with them.

I've spent almost two years of my life trying to recover from the crotch-kick I got from the last woman I loved. In most things, I believe in the "once burnt, twice learnt" school of philosophy. Don't do that again. But I violate that rule when it comes to wimmen. I am not built to be a lonely bachelor. I need a woman in my life the way I need air to breathe.

As a result, I probably have the most famous Roscoe in the Blogosphere. I may not find a woman, but my dick damn sure got some publicity.


Aw yer all right Rob. Ain't nothin' quite hurts so much as being used and abused by a woman you love, this I know and don't blame you for. But you do like antagonizing the ladies.

Fortunately for you, this entertains some of 'em to no end. Once you get ol' Roger working full throttle again, I think you're not gonna be lonely all that much longer.

Posted by: Dean Esmay on August 10, 2003 07:01 AM

And darlin' you are doing a way fine job of advertizing Rosco...keep it up! ;-)

Posted by: Laura on August 10, 2003 12:46 PM

BTW, you kinda makes one wish they were single sometimes (wistful sigh) ;-)

Posted by: Laura on August 10, 2003 01:11 PM

Did you know that there is a kids TV channel called NOG and that they have commercials advertising a show called "Radiofree Roscoe"?

I have no idea what the show is about, but the ads for try hearing one and NOT thinking about THAT. lol

Posted by: stevie on August 10, 2003 01:51 PM

aww, ya know what, women feel the same way to tell you the truth, if we could admitt it!

Posted by: Jennifer on August 10, 2003 08:33 PM

You should have replied, just for giggles, "What makes you think this bionic dick is for women?"

Posted by: Eichra Oren on August 10, 2003 08:39 PM

Not all women are bad. Just like not all men are assholes.

It's all in the stability of the combination of elements.

Think about a specific acid and what it can be mixed with.

Same holds true for people, hon.

Posted by: Da Goddess on August 11, 2003 01:08 AM

Wimmens is evil.

So when do I get the interview with Roscoe? He ain't famous yet.

Posted by: Dawn on August 11, 2003 01:07 PM

The obvious answer to "I'm surprised that you ever want to even TALK to another woman again," is "It's not a TONGUE implant, mama." But, you've obviously been raised to not talk smart to yer mama. Besides, she probably already knows that joke whose punchline is "So men will talk to them." Not to mention the answer to the question, "Who do you think you're going to satisfy with that little thing?"

Posted by: Hazy Dave on August 11, 2003 03:49 PM
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